A Child's Perception

[nursebedlam]

A CHILD'S PERCEPTION

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found cat. She asked him if it was dead or alive. "Dead." She was informed. "How do you know?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

"You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

__________________________________________________ ____

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad...."

"What? "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No. You had your chance.

Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY.

Can I have a drink of water??" "I told you NO!" If you ask again, I'll have to spank

you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you come in to

spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"

__________________________________________________ ____

An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

__________________________________________________ ____

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son

into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his

voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a

reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

__________________________________________________ ____

It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon.

All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a

particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly

into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."

__________________________________________________ ____

When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She said,"Mommy, you are getting

fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy" "I know,"she replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

__________________________________________________ ____

A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math

homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother

asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four,"

__________________________________________________ ____

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her

class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the

farmer. She read, "... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said,

"The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little boy raised his hand

and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was

unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

-------------------------------------------------------

Should kids witness a birth? A true story:

It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child was home alone with her 3-year old daughter Katelyn. When Heidi started going into labour, she called "911." Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while

he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed

and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Katelyn quickly

responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack him again!"