Ramblings of a fish out of water

[RN'sRNotOut]

Hi all. I've browsed around this site for several years and have read many threads. Been a nurse for 3.5 years. Typically not one to complain and be negative but need to vent. I can't stand nursing anymore. Worked on a ventilator unit, pysch hospital, and now LTC/rehab. It's all the same. Hate pushing buckets of pills down peoples throat (pretty much a waste of time IMO), hate all the paperwork (forget you actually went down the hall and did something for a rsd), no one can sustain a bruise, skin tear, or place themselves onto the floor without it becoming a statewide issue. Seems like there's always a new paper form added to all the ridiculousness already in place. The understaffing and the expectations are another thing. Rarely am I able to take a 15 min break and sometimes I only take a 20 min lunch. Tired of all the silly requests made by the DONs and QA nurse (the bale of straw is getting extremely thin and I'm laying in wait for the next opportunity to make things known). I've begun to ignore all the silly new paperwork that's being implemented and I hope they call me out on it soon. I'm a nurse of good judgment so stop with all the nitpicking. The nurse is seemingly at the center for all solutions of all problems in the healthcare setting. It all falls on the nurse even when it shouldn't. I could make a long list of particulars but will spare you. What has happened to the human touch? Can we no longer do something for someone without it being recorded in 3 different areas? Literally three different places. Or no where at all?, boy wouldn't that be nice. Management disrespects and under appreciates nursing and our time because they try to fill it up with things that are the responsibility of a different dept when we are already up to the brim. What are my options in nursing? None that I can see. I will never get into management because I will never force down the throats of my nurses those things that they are forced to shove. Healthcare is set up to largely fail the nurse and I feel bad for all nursing students who have been blinded, as I was. If one finds their niche or loves nursing then great. To me it is a demoralizing field, one that soon will no longer dominate my life as I am on the verge of a career change. Every time I work there is a piece of me that dies (ironic how I went into it to help others). I love to help others, I do it often outside of work. At the job, however, is where the structure of nursing is crippling the profession and my life. I am not yet 30 and I feel I just might be 60. I feel stuck in my job with no where to go. This is only the beginning of what could be a long rant. I should have recognized the red flags every time I dreaded going to clinicals during school. I should have stayed away the first time I dropped out of nursing school instead of going back. The broken road to being a nurse actually may have been a saving grace in disguise that I never attempted to unmask. What a shame. I guess my pride was too much. I dread going into work and I spend the day before going back miserable and virtually distraught (yea you guessed it...I've been off for four days and go back tomorrow). Anyway, I'm getting out of the health industry altogether. It's simply not who I am and none of it interests me.

I've looked into many careers since I became a nurse and thought about what I really enjoy doing. I applied to a community college today and I have a clear goal in mind that will take me only two years, has good job prospects, less stress, and better pay (not necessary but certainly welcome). I'm now taking the future into my own hands. I wish I would have done it sooner. I love people and helping them and will continue to do so. I just can no longer do it in the capacity of a job.

I was looking on craigslist today and saw some postings for janitorial work. Boy that sounds awesome right now. McDonalds or stocking walmart shelves sounds dang good right now too. Today isn't the first time I've seriously thought about up and quitting tomorrow. I have enough money saved up to where I could quit and be okay for a couple months. What a relief that would be!

Thanks for reading and bearing with me. If you have any words of wisdom please share, otherwise, God bless you for all you do.