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- Aug 28, '08 by leslie :-DQuote from MAISY, RN-ERkaty, i have to agree with maisy.After reading about the OP's mom, her actions to do not seem to be that of a rational person. It may very well be that she has a psychological disorder. I cannot imagine anyone without one behaving in such a manner.
it does sound like your mom has some mental/psychological disparities, sad to say.
i had a mom with some profound issues as well.
and so, i do understand your frustration.
w/o the proper interventions, it's unlikely she'll change at this point.
all you can do is love her from a distance and protect yourself.
it's highly unlikely your mom is at peace with herself.
God love her...
- Aug 28, '08 by Nurse SaltI did a BRIEF google search of "filial responsibility" and here are the stated listed that have such a law on the books States:
Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia, and West Virginia.
HOWEVER, it does go on to say that while each state has different wording of the law for the most part they are enforced when a parent can no longer care for themselves (financially or whatever) the responsibility falls on the adult children. Now, I did not delve into each state's law and determine the fine print (because I am not in law school and do NOT enjoy interpreting legal language) but from what I read holding adult children liable for the parents financial debt seems ridiculous... I mean, what if I never knew my father and he died with millions in debt, that is supposed to fall on me?
Anyway, here's the link to the website I was on its lists the citation numbers of leach state's law if you want to look up the info pertaining to your state.
- Aug 28, '08 by SuesquatchRNI have to say, I resent people hiding assets from Medicare so that the kids can inherit and we get stuck with their debts.
That said, I have a resident whose wife is now verging on destitution. They saved all of their lives and then he got Parkinsons and Alzheimers. Luckily, NYS has enough compassion that they don't take your house, but who on earth could have foreseen, being born in 1930, that a catastrophic illness could result in your being wiped out when most people didn't survive such diseases?
As to your mom, she's clearly mentally ill. Hoarding and shopping.
- Sep 1, '08 by RNsRWeFilial state, non-filial state, I don't care: I would spend EVERY DIME I had, spending it ALL in court costs, if I ever had a creditor that came after me for something that one of my parents charged or owed a debt on. Gov't demands that I pay for deadbeat dad's bills, or they're going to garnish my wages? See ya in court, pal. I'll be fighting the government's extortion attempt, as I see it.
It seems absolutely absurd to me that I would or could be held responsible for debts incurred by a parent. Make me responsible for healthcare costs when they're destitute? Perhaps (and only perhaps). Since they have not been legally obligated to take on MY healthcare costs as an adult, I have a big problem with the gov't automatically expecting *I* will assume those costs. So what if they're older than me? What if my healthcare bills have been higher? Can I go bang on their door and DEMAND payment?
Keep in mind, I'm talking extremes here. I'm not talking about the adult children who hide all of Mom and Dad's assets so that they aren't "taken" by the gov't, while expecting the gov't to pay their bills.
I'm talking about the adult children who have little to nothing to do with a parent for at least several years prior to the onset of the "destitution". I don't see room in the Constitution for forcing one adult to take on the financial liabilities of another adult, regardless of biological relationship. Obvious exception being married couples who have by default accepted each other's liabilities.
So what if there's a law resembling what's being discussed. Laws have exceptions, and they can be changed. And, also, they can be conveniently misinterpreted by greedy government officials.
- Sep 2, '08 by Blove86That's crazy?!?!!? But to tell you the truth I kind of worry about the same thing concerning my parents (more so with my father then my mother). While my mom is not the most savingest person in the world, she does pay her bills on time, and hopefully and prayerfully she will grasp the concept that while in her 40's NOW is the time to start planning ahead. I try to drop hints to her or flat out tell her. Now my dad on the other hand...........him and money just simply have not seen eye-to-eye. His reckless spending habits have landed him in some interesting spot over the years. I am 22 and have made better financial decisions then he, thats nutz!! But I know this much the government better not try that little tactic come his death and he has all those bills, I would be knocking on his casket demanding some money, LOL. But joking aside, I am sure their are loopholes like the previous poster stated. That just doesnt seem legal or ethical to allow in my opinion