I've been working on a Neuro/ tele step down unit for almost nine months now and I cannot take it anymore. When I was first hired, I informed the director of my goals and how I wanted ICU and she was completely on board, said I would be evaluated in six months. Unfortunately, that director left and now we have a new one, who could careless about my goals.
When I was on orientation, I met a CRNA who said I could shadow her, I went to the OR director, she agreed and said that I only need an okay from my director and that it would have to be on my days off, which I was completely fine with. I reached out to my director multiple times and ways (email, notes on her desk, voicemail) and no response, then I finally saw her. I work nights so it was difficult to run into her but I did and told her I have been contacting her in regards of the shadowing. She said she knows and that she thinks I need more experience first. I said to her, I need more experience to shadow? And she said yes, I need more time.
I used to constantly remind my manager of how I want to be in ICU... I don't mention it at all anymore. I feel so trapped, I can't help but cry as I'm typing this. Working on this floor has been difficult.
Every time I'm called in the office, I know its because I did something wrong, I never get a good job. All of the ICU nurses that come to my floor keep telling that I'm the best hire and would be a great ICU nurse, the charge nurses on my floor tell me that too. My manager said to me that her and the director were considering me for ICU but that was months ago and clearly a lie because they just hired a bunch of new ICU nurses.
My manager has called me into her office, accusing me of having a potential drug problem because pharmacy said that I've been pulling and returning too many narcotics, but nothing was missing and the count is still accurate...
Last month, my manager and director had a scapegoat meeting with me, trying to blame me for a patient's death. The patient should've been in ICU, not on the floor and I followed the facility's protocol and informed the charge, nursing supervisor, and doctor. No one did anything, so what was I supposed to do? But they wanted me to do a presentation on what happened at a staff meeting. I sent an email stating that I would not because it is unprofessional.
Last week, my manager told me to either present or get written up.
I spoke with union representatives and fellow coworkers regarding the matter. Everyone is stunned and doesn't really know what to do because they've never heard of such things happening but it is, to me.
Ever since I started working here, I've been having anxiety, panic attacks and chest pain. My doctor put me on Xanax because it was getting so bad... I also started seeing a therapist. I'm so paranoid going to work, thinking something is going to happen and I'm going to get in trouble.
Sorry for the lengthy background.
TL;DR... I applied to PACU, CVOR, MICU and CVICU at my facility. I've been working on a neuro/ tele step down unit for nine months. I'm on a two year contract. In order for my applications to go through, I have to complete a transfer form, which requires my manager's approval.
There is already so much tension, I don't want to rock the boat further but I also can't take it anymore. I'm the youngest nurse in my hospital and it feels like management treats me this way because I am young, my charge nurse and colleagues agreed.
