The Patient I Failed - page 17

She knew what she wanted. She'd watched her husband of 52 years die on a vent, and followed his wishes to remain a full code. But she knew that was not what she wanted for herself. So, she... Read More

  1. Visit  Susie Schneider profile page
    0
    The selfishness of the family member has rendered me speechless.
  2. Visit  Teresa Ann profile page
    0
    You didn't let her down. You gave her the compassion she needed during the hell her daughter put her through. I have been a nurse for many years and have seen the same, many times. If my children do this to me, I will forever spend my eternity making them pay. I have watch similar scenerios over and over. Infact your story was so well written, I'm going to print it and put it on my fridge hoping my children read and learn. It is awful to have to be the care provider for someone that is suffering and tired, and watching the family who supposedly loves them, allow and extend the suffering. That's why it's so important to have a POA that can be trusted to perform wishes according to your desires.
  3. Visit  mom1120 profile page
    2
    As a hospice nurse I find this same situation oh so true, but I also know that anyone can be a DNR! The daughter, the doctor, and the attorney all failed this pt. You did the right thing as a nurse, but it is heart breaking.
    siomai_siopao73 and DPowersRN like this.
  4. Visit  BrisbaneRN20 profile page
    0
    There are times when people are just so disappointing... But what can we do?
  5. Visit  DPowersRN profile page
    1
    Nicely written....I hate when this thing happens. I love that here we are starting to bring families in to see and listen to what happens during a code. I have had this discussion with my grown children several times and since they cannot let go I have lmade my brother POA. As a group my siblings and I decided that sense I am the only nurse I make our Mother;s decision if she can't. I love my Mother enough to let her go.
    Teresa Ann likes this.
  6. Visit  TormentedOracle profile page
    0
    How eloquently written and moving. I cannot imagine having to deal with such a circumstance, for that you have my respect and admiration. It is nice to see that not all medical professionals are mechanical--I have encountered a disappointing number in my life. Though I am not in or likely to be in the nursing profession, I felt the need to let you know how moved I was by this post.
  7. Visit  RN in training profile page
    0
    oh wow. people act crazy in times of great stress, and that's made apparent by the daughter's actions. she allowed her own desires to cloud over her mother's own desires. so very sad! but i can understand how difficult it might be for a daughter to let a mother go. DNR is one thing with my patients, but if i came into my own mother's house and she were collapsed without a pulse/respirations on the floor, i would have a very difficult time not acting in some way to try to revive her. how sad for everyone! but most of all the mother who struggled and suffered through her last days.
  8. Visit  aberdeennurse profile page
    0
    That is so beautiful and sad at the same time. You have managed in so few words to describe what we as nurses face on numerous occasions. Fighting with the family while the forget the one important person THE PATIENT!!!! The wishes are so often forgot and are treated like a thing. Like you it breaks my heart every time and I feel I have failed.

    Thank you for sharing your experience
  9. Visit  jessesgirl13 profile page
    0
    this story made me e-mail my mother and tell her that we need to sit down and fill out the necessary paper work to make sure that she doesn't end up like my residents. i'm going to make sure that she lives and dies the way she wants to. i can only be thankful that i'm an only child and i won't have anyone to fight with about this.
  10. Visit  Faerywren profile page
    0
    Moving read. Well done.
  11. Visit  jasorts profile page
    0
    i know EXACTLY what this story is saying ~ i'm a transplant/surgical ICU nurse myself, and while BEING able to do things to help people stay alive, it's CRUEL and IMMORAL to do so, especially when the patient him/herself stated it in the living will. the daughter is a monster! & i've met many like her!
  12. Visit  RyanSofie profile page
    0
    My friend's patient has a tumor large enough in his neck that he has dysphagia, a PET scan has shown several "spots" on his lungs.He has end stage COPD. He is anemic and severely underweight. He is 76 years of age. The "team" has told him he needs to have an immediate tracheotomy and a peg tube.They also have advised radiation. No biopsies have been done. He has had a caratoid blockage and has two cardiac stents. I have spoke several times to his nurse who is a dear friend of mine asking her to address Hospice with this patient and his family. I foresee this man having alot of suffering ahead and a poor quality of life for the remainder of his life . The physicians of course will suggest all possible interventions as their first priority is to preserve a life. Life is not merely breathing (in his case the liklihood of a vent is very high) nor is life a chemically sustained heart beat. The patient did sign a DNR and I am concerned his 6 daughters will also convince him to forego this. If this were your loved one ,what would be your suggestions?
  13. Visit  Silverdragon102 profile page
    0
    Quote from RyanSofie
    My friend's patient has a tumor large enough in his neck that he has dysphagia, a PET scan has shown several "spots" on his lungs.He has end stage COPD. He is anemic and severely underweight. He is 76 years of age. The "team" has told him he needs to have an immediate tracheotomy and a peg tube.They also have advised radiation. No biopsies have been done. He has had a caratoid blockage and has two cardiac stents. I have spoke several times to his nurse who is a dear friend of mine asking her to address Hospice with this patient and his family. I foresee this man having alot of suffering ahead and a poor quality of life for the remainder of his life . The physicians of course will suggest all possible interventions as their first priority is to preserve a life. Life is not merely breathing (in his case the liklihood of a vent is very high) nor is life a chemically sustained heart beat. The patient did sign a DNR and I am concerned his 6 daughters will also convince him to forego this. If this were your loved one ,what would be your suggestions?
    this really boarders on the line of offering medical advice because this is someone close to you and therefore we can't offer suggestions or advice as per Terms of Service


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