Why am I feeling depressed about graduating?

[Hellostudentnurssee]

At the end of the month, I'll officially be done with my LPN program and will be pinned. I can't help but feel like I've been running away from it, mentally and emotionally. Everyone's been asking me about my plans but it depresses me more because it's so hard to tell and you can never plan things and get it done right. Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful that I had this chance but I'm just feeling depressed. I've been at this since I was 16 years old (I'll be 26 this year). Throughout college, I worked hard to become a CNA, get my degree, volunteer, get rejected by all the BSN, RN programs I've applied for and I should be proud.

I feel like after graduation, reality sets in and it's like we're being fed to the sharks. Applying the the bridge programs are crazy competitive and everyone is willing to kill each other over getting in; job security sucks because no one hires LPNs here anymore. According to my preceptorship site (nursing home), they've been getting about 100 applicants who just graduated from BSN and RN programs. The trend is that all nursing new grads have to work at nursing homes. I've tried to be open minded but after working at numerous nursing homes for years, my heart just isn't in it. Your ethics goes against "real life". You can't have the perfect job and be happy when you need a job for financial and security reasons. Job security is getting worse. I've also been "running away" from the NCLEX because honestly, I don't remember anything we've learned in the past 2 years. I'm not depressed because I'm going to miss my colleagues - I love and admire some of them but I've already accepted we'll move our own ways. I guess I just hate not being part of "something" anymore and one reality is that I could be unemployed for months... I hate not have a schedule.... why am I feeling this way?