unexpected anxiety while doing training

[LoutusCNA.VT1983]

so I have been really super excited about the new job I am starting and really am looking forward to beginning the job( in the field once my orientation I am doing now is wrapped up and done

but I did just notice while doing the orientation today, I had what seemed to feel like to small- mild panic attacks while I was there from 8am-12pm...I did manage them just fine and I spoke to my team leader briefly about the concerns I thought may or may not come up.

I know as in home service aide.....that's its just a common thing that you are going to go to client's home and possibly for the first few time you do this it might feel a little awkward and scary, you don't know this person and neither do they know you

but it is reassuring to know that if you continue to feel awkward around the person or un easy for any various reasons that may or may not come up we can have the option...to request to drop the client and seek out a new one if we so wish.

I think the idea helping a bath a client was another sources of anxiety to me, not that I think the physical act of doing so is beyond me.

I think i worry that being around someone that is naked......especially a male that may or may not have a bodily reaction....wither it is from me ...or just room temperature or anything else that could cause such a reaction. Could have an awkward feel for me emotionally, just because I have had incidents of rape and molestation happen me before in the past and I don't know if I could get triggered by something like that but its possible that I could.

As someone that wants to be a nurse with people and animals (since I am a veterinary technician student as well) I pride myself in the fact its not very difficult for me to separate myself from my emotions and deal with just facts.

And I realize having that approach in nursing of any kind, is a healthier way to deal with things in the long run. But its not always as possible as we really want to think it is.

And I think I am noticing for the in home aide work my employer is training me for, I think it will be even harder to make that separation cause yes you are helping the client's with personal care, and errands they may or may not be able to do themselves, and household work, and cooking.

But you sped time with them and you are a companion with them....and we are all only human you are going to probably have some emotional attachment in the long run. Cause frankly in my mind if you ae doing this then you do it cause you care about that person and their well being, not the same as a family member and on much more professional biasses but to say that emotions will not be there at al is just not true.

I think a lot of my fears like most panic attacks are un warranted and over things that probably are not as much of a factor as they appear to be. I think a lot of is its scary to me cause it is exciting to me! cause I do want to do the job well! but I also don't want to put myself in a situation where I don't feel physically or mental comfortable! or if I do....find ways I can work around the issues and cope with them in good professional/healthy ways!

I think the best ways to deal with all this is to keep a watchful eye the behaviours, point it out to my supervisor in private if I need to so they can be aware of it. I feel it has the potential to be a longer term issue bring it up to my therapist.

So I can protectively find a way to work around the issue.

This is all really foreign territory to me and you can talk about what the job is like til your face turns blue, but you will not know how you feel about the job,clients you have until you go out there and do that part of the job!

lol its just frustrating and confusing cause I do really want to do this job and do it well. I just have a lot more nervousness about it then I gave myself credit for.

[LoutusCNA.VT1983]

spoke with my supervsior over the phone in private about the situation and we have both come to a great, place where we can work around my tension and anxiety I knew it was dumb for me to feel that way...sometimes it just can't be as easily helped as we would like for it to be.