The College Food Chain

  1. THE DEAN
    Leaps tall buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a locomotive
    Is faster than a speeding bullet
    Walks on water
    Gives policy to God

    THE DEPARTMENT HEAD
    Leaps short buildings in a single bound
    Is more powerful than a switch engine
    Is just as fast as a speeding bullet
    Talks with God

    PROFESSOR
    Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds
    Is almost as powerful a switch engine
    Is faster than a speeding BB
    Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool
    Talks with God if a special request is honored

    ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR
    Barely clears a quonset hut
    Loses tug of war with a locomotive
    Can fire a speeding bullet
    Swims well
    Is occasionally addressed by God

    ASSISTANT PROFESSOR
    Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings
    Is run over by locomotives
    Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury
    Treads water
    Talks to animals

    INSTRUCTOR
    Climbs walls continually
    Rides the rails
    Plays russian roulette
    Walks on thin ice
    Prays a lot

    GRADUATE STUDENT
    Runs into buildings
    Recognizes locomotives two out of three times
    Is not issued ammunition
    Can stay afloat with a life jacket
    Talks to walls

    UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT
    Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings
    Says "Look at the choo-choo"
    Wets himself with a water pistol
    Plays in mud puddles
    Mumbles to himself

    THE DEPARTMENTAL SECRETARY
    Picks up tall buildings and walks under them
    Knocks locomotives off track when sneezes
    Catches speeding bullets in teeth for fun
    Parts large bodies of water
    Is God
    Last edit by betts on Apr 21, '02
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  2. 2 Comments

  3. by   maire
    Where do you find this stuff? :chuckle
  4. by   Marj Griggs
    This one translates well to the hospital hierarchy (where I first heard it). Department heads, staff physicians, residents, interns, & medical students. The Nurse is , of course, the one who picks up tall buildings, etc.

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