My patient in clinical - pretty long

[Deb123j]

I've just finished my first round of clinicals (5 weeks - 2 days a week). I've had the same patient for 3 of the clinicals - a sweet old lady. Very onory (?sp), she would stick her tongue out at me and when I would try to use my penlight to look at her eyes, she would shut them tight - being playful. Well anyways...yesterday my instructor told me she was still at the hospital but she was giving her to someone else. That was fine with me so I could get experience with another patient.

About 1/3 through my clinical my instructor came up to me and told me that when the dr's did surgery on the patient that they had found a tumor - and asked if I wanted to go see her. I said that I did want to - not thinking any big deal about the tumor.

I went in to see her and she was so happy to see me. We held hands and she stuck her tongue out at me, etc. While I was helping the other SN take care of her (bed bath and lotion) the SN told me (the patient is extremely hard of hearing) that the tumor was cancerous and that she was going to go to hospice! I was so upset that I started to lose it...the SN told the patient that we'd be right back (she was also getting upset). I walked into the hall and started crying, my instructor had me go to the lounge for a while. I was soooo upset When I was better under control I went back to the patient and just held her hand and talked to her. Then her surgeon (jerk) came in to tell her the news. He was very nonchalant about the whole thing. He said that they had found a tumor that was cancerous and that they weren't going to operate. And they were going to send her somewhere so she would be comfortable, and that the hospice people were going to come in to talk to her. Before he mentioned hospice, she was taking it in stride, but when he said that word she just sort of closed up.

Once the surgeon left she just looked at me and hugged me. It took all that I had to not bust out in tears in front of her. I asked my instructor if we had to change the bed right then (we were getting ready to change the sheets before the surgeon came in - but hadn't started yet), she said we still needed to do it. When we turned her on her side to move the sheets, she just grabbed onto me and held on for dear life. She was so upset but said she was glad that I was there.

This was soooo difficult. Her family was waiting in the hall, but by the time we were finally done, they had gone and couldn't be found. I had to leave her by herself because the clinical time was done and we had to leave for our evaluation. I felt so bad leaving her and I felt terrible the rest of the day.

I know that this is really long but I just thought I'd share. If you haven't had an experience like this yet...it's really tough!!!!! I almost went back to see her later, but I knew I would probably lose it in front of her.

I just felt soooo bad for her, but I am so glad that I was there for her when she heard the news. She knew that someone who cared for her was with her. I'm tempted to go see her tomorrow when I'm at school again (my school is right beside the hospital). What do you all think?

[lalajenn]

Oh that is so sad. She seemed like a really fun patient to have. If that was me, I would go and visit her. :)

[live4today, RN]

Deb...what a compassionate heart you have! You already have the kind of heart it takes to work in the healthcare field where you will experience more cases like the one with that particular patient. Although sad to know the patient is terminal (we all are :uhoh21: ya know) it is a good thing that she connected so well with your spirit of caring in a time like that. I'm sure you are going to make one terrific nurse! :icon_hug:

[live4today, RN]

P.S. And yes...by all means...go visit her only if it fits into your already busy schedule...AND...if your instructor doesn't mind. Ask your instructor what she/he thinks is best for you to do in that situation. Some hospitals I've worked at did not like staff returning to the hospital to see former patients of theirs for "privacy reasons" etc.... Also, if the patient and the patient's family doesn't mind (which they probably won't). :)

[Deb123j]

Thanks for your replies. I actually work at the hospital as a transporter on Thrs & Fri. The first day I had her for a patient, I worked that evening and actually took her up to her room after surgery. I've spoken with her family on that day also.

I think I will go and see her tomorrow...if she's still at the hospital.

[LoriAlabamaRN]

Wow... its so hard to face this situation as an experienced nurse, but crushing as a student. Try to look at it from this perspective though- as a nurse, you will be in a unique position to brighten the lives of terminal patients, and to be a major part of their treatment (since it will be mostly palliative in many cases.) There have been many residents and patients I was very close to that passed away, and it always hurts. However, knowing that I provided the best possible care (which is what you have done) is a great comfort.

Lori