Just wondering why it is so...
- 0Apr 18, '13 by AMwilldoitHi all. This is my first post although I have been a member for quite a while. I just needed some insight, so no insulting or insensitive posts please. I am in my second semester in an ADN program in a Texas school without much diversity in its student population. I was an immigrant, but I speak pretty good English (I am a citizen now if that even matters). I am not a very outgoing, outspoken person, partially related to the fact that I am not very good with small talk and I mostly prefer to keep to myself when I dont know what to say. Also, I was raised to not "butt in" if not spoken to and that joining into other people's conversations is rude and "gossip-like".
I was just wondering why, whenever I do engage in conversations with others, they make me feel like I "am not there." Or if I am in a group, it's like I dont even exist, even through I am trying to converse with the others. They are not directly insulting or anything like that, but it is the general aura that they exude around me. I am not speaking about all of my classmates, but a good majority of them tend to discount the things I say, or pretend I am not there even if I am right there, or change the topic and make it about them, or during discussions they do not consider my opinions, but in a moment restate what I mentioned previously and make it appear like it was their own idea (sorry running sentence here...). I am trying to be patient and understanding; I am trying to be civil and friendlier. I do not intend to make any best friends. It is just difficult being in an environment where you feel invincible and are being undermined. It also boggles my mind how you can be talking with people one moment, then pass by each other in the hall like you don't know each other...
Any insights? Thanks.
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- 1Apr 18, '13 by wordsofmymouthI feel the same way. I have maybe one or two people that I talk to at school that I feel like I can actually consider friends (as in, they listen to me). In most social situations I feel very inferior, and when I say something I feel like people stop, look at me, and continue on among themselves as if I didn't exist. Does this really happen or is it all in my head? I don't know; I think I over-analyze. I have learned that most people like to brag and make themselves look better than everyone else. I don't know if they do it on purpose or if it is a defense mechanism or what. I highly doubt that anyone is out to get you on purpose. The only thing you and I can do is be polite, helpful, smile often, and speak when we feel like speaking. The worst is to just stop talking at all because then you really will be invisible.
And, I can't think that any of this has to do with your English skills. First of all, you write very well. (Plenty of people with English as a first language do not.)
- 0Apr 19, '13 by hodgieRNIs there a way for you to be more interactive? I read that you are not outgoing, that you prefer to keep to yourself, that you don't join in other people's conversations, and that you do not intend to make any best friends. Yes, school definitely has clicks, but I don't know if they are all to blame. Maybe it is a culture thing as you said. I don't think it's rude to join in on a conversation. It's a conversation. Maybe they don't consider your opinions because you don't really ever speak up (from what I've read).
I would say to speak up more. Join in conversations. Make jokes. Try and make friends. People who grew up interrupting people during conversations may not take offense to other people interrupting. Where I grew up, you had to butt in or you would never get your two cents in. I think people won't value your opinion unless you have something to say...and say it. If someone takes your idea on a topic, speak up and say "Hey, I just said that or that's what I said." If you rub one person the wrong way, who cares. If you are not interacting with others, you can't knock them for not interacting with you.