I am starting to feel the fear...

[jadedjane, ASN, RN]

Honestly, I don't know if fear the the right word for my feelings about graduating, but it's my "right now" word so I'm going to go with it.

Here's the situation: I am a 4th semester student in a 2 year ADN program that's incredibly tough to get into. (I'm weeks away from finished). I struggled with clinical anxiety from day one. I think a huge part of that is just part of the learning experience. We must get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That's probably normal. What is not normal (for me) is to have come so far, and suddenly feel so unfocused and unprepared. I get put on the spot and my mind goes blank (like during grand rounds), there's always one piece of information that I miss. Or med passes... I know these meds, and why the patients get them, and what they should do for them, and what they might do to them, and how and when to give them (or hold them)....but only if it's a textbook case. I feel like my critical thinking is in the toilet this semester and my self confidence is going down with it.

My preceptorship starts in 3 weeks!! I have GOT to get it together and move beyond this "fuzzy /hazy" lack of focus. I passed my first exam this semester (yay), but just barely. I've never scored below an 85 before. I'm re-vamping my comprehensive care plan (the first time I've ever had to re-do one) and now I'm second guessing every move I make. Will my careplan be good enough? Are my priorities in line with what my patient needs most? did I draw enough arrows? Did I miss some major point? How will this affect my ability to safely care for a patient (if I'm not seeing the big picture). Have I pushed so hard for the past 5 years that I'm just tired?

I'm writing out my terminal objectives tomorrow. Maybe that will help me organize my own thoughts better. Maybe seeing my own personal shortcomings in writing will help me set some good realistic goals

If not, then how on earth am I going to function as a preceptee if I don't snap out of this?

Any thoughts?