Funny.... Funny.... | allnurses

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  1. 0 I know there is a post for jokes and nursing humor, but i have gotten more accustomed to those people here and wanted to share these with you all....Hope you enjoy them

    A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her
    >baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
    >lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
    >noticed that there are several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    >At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an
    >elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big
    >breaths,"I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    >One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife
    >that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
    >Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
    >the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart. "
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
    >I was performing a complete physical, including the visual
    >acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
    >began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line
    >perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
    >requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top
    >line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
    >was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to
    >finish the exam.
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    >During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he
    >informed his doctor that he was having trouble
    >with one of his medications. "Which one?", asked the doctor. "The patch.
    >The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running
    >out of places to put it!"
    >The doctor had him quickly undress and discovered what he hoped
    >he wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
    >instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
    >new one.
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    >While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
    >"How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
    >confusion she answered, "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
    >was alive."
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~
    >I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's
    >your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the
    >Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
    >I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled
    >"KY Jelly."
    >~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~
    >And of course, the best is saved for last:
    >The Surgeon's Note.
    >A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman
    >with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a
    >variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
    >quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
    >scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
    >operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green,
    >and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
    >Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note
    >on the patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the