YOU MIGHT be a NURSE if...

  1. You've ever told a patient to 'move toward the light.'
    You ever told a patient he didn't need to be dead to donate an organ.
    You believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    You can't cure stupid.
    Your immune system has reached out and ***** slapped someone visiting the ED because of a head cold.
    You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
    You never get into an argument with an idiot, because they only bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience.
    You ever had a patient die shortly after saying, 'Hey, watch this'.

    You make up new ways to describe strange patients: True --a doctor friend of mine would put the number "45" on the chart to warn the nurses that the patient wasn't playing with a full load of chromosomes.

    You use the phrase "Turn and Baste" and you are nowhere near a kitchen.
    You hope there's a special place in Hell for the inventor of the call light.
    You believe not all patients are annoying. Some are dead.
    You believe the definition of stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.
    Everything only happens all at once.
    Most everything can seem humorous...eventually.
    You can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is giving you than he can.
    You've ever thought a blood pressure cuff would be an excellent gift for Christmas.
    You've ever spent more money on a stethoscope than on a car payment.
    You notice that you use more four-letter words now than before you became a nurse.
    You write a patient report and have to translate it to medical records because of all the acronyms in it.
    You believe any job where you can drive to work in green pajamas is a cool job.
    You believe the pain will go away when it stops hurting.
    You can cover your mistakes with Versed.

    Your friends drag you to a strip bar after work to loosen you up. The young lady on stage does a nude spread eagle back bend with pelvic thrusts a foot and a half from your nose. You are not aroused, but you DO think, "I could catherize that". (True story)

    You've ever held a 14-gauge needle over someone's vein and said, "Now your going to feel a little stick."
    You think "awake and stupid" is an appropriate choice for mental status.
    You believe every waiting room should have a Valium salt lick.
    Your idea of fine dining is sitting down to eat.

    In My Top Ten;
    Your immune system is so well developed that it has been know to attack and kill squirrels in the backyard.
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