Single moms, daycare and day shift

[HelenaHandbasket]

When I first got divorced I was working as a corporate nurse. M-F, flexible hours 8-ish to 4-ish, no holidays, no weekends. Then I got laid off.

I collected UI and with their blessing, went back to school full-time but still was able to manage the kids' schedules and be here for them when they needed me.

UI ran out and I was waitlisted for the LPN-RN bridge program I applied to. So I had to redesign my whole life plan. My ex is unemployed but we have 50/50 custody so at any point, should he decide, he can take me to court for half of my income. Therefore, I have to play nice with him in the sandbox.

I went back to work 24 hours a week night shift and found the physical demands were too much. I'm still trying to finish up this semester and I am full-time. I was never seeing my kids and contrary to popular belief, one cannot live without sleep.

I have the option of switching to days which works well for me. Right now I'll be doing "desk" which is 8-4p however they are eliminating this position sometime in June and will go to primary nursing. The hours will be 7-3 and include of course, every other weekend.

I live an hour and 10 mins from my job. My kids' school is 1/2 hour away. I leave for work at 5:30a. How on EARTH do people who work 7-3 find daycare that early in the morning?? And dear Lord my kids will be a hot mess having to wake up that early everyday! I'm going to try and schedule as many of my days on the days the kids are at their dad's house but need the 40 hours a week to make ends meet. I don't have any family around either.

How can I make this work?! Also, I don't know HOW I'm going to fit school in there. Do I have to let go of my dream of becoming an RN for now? Being an RN would open up so many more options for me in terms of scheduling but my schedule may prevent me from doing that.

Ideas?

[HelenaHandbasket]

Additionally, while I do fully support encouraging independence in my children (especially my son with diabetes) there are other "big scary boogie men/women" to worry about. Called DCF. School Counselors and the like. I would burn out my keyboard trying to explain the depth of the depravity my ex possesses. When I say play nice in the sand box, I mean, make sure he doesn't pull any bull and take my kids away. I HAD full custody of my children. We now have 50/50. I can't compete with the dollar power of his attorney and I nearly lost my kids for good. I have had DCF involved not once but TWICE with my kids. One unfounded ridiculous and dismissed case against me and an ongoing investigation on my crazy Ex (which the school called in, I had NO idea what was going on!). If I even breathe the wrong way in the direction of my children according to the state or the schools, I risk losing my kids. That is the REAL scary deal. I do not in any way challenge authority. Never have. Never will. I know their power and I know how corrupt the system is. So leaving my kids alone at 11, 10 and 7?? With a diabetic no less??? 30 miles to the nearest hospital?? With Mom working over an hour from home?? Awww HECK naw!!!!

I'm entertaining letting just my very responsible 11 yr old non-diabetic daughter get off the bus alone on the afternoon and THAT'S giving me panic attacks as to how that will go over with the powers that be. The bus stop is over a mile away though so unless I can get them to change the bus route, I won't even do that.

I have to tread VERY carefully in that regard. I have a 17 and 15 yr old who live with their dad (because my 2nd ex was such a monster). I am a "modified attachement parent". I never made a decision in regard to my children without extensive thought, research and consideration. I never spanked my children. I use only positive and reinforcing language. I consider their psyche with every word I ever say. My kids were and are my LIFE! I was raising kids for 16 years and was a surrogate before all of this happened. I was considered a model parent enough so that someone trusted me to gestate and deliver their own child!! I was subjected to extensive background and psychological evaluation prior to being approved as a surrogate. To be even remotely considered an unfit mother was utterly preposterous But it happened. For real. I came *this* close to losing my children. I don't mess with that junk. At all. Ever.

[Blue Cat]

I am so sorry you have to deal with all of that from your ex while trying to manage working after all the hard work you put into becoming a nurse. I can relate to the anxiety it causes you because when there is an ex like that involved, "normal" solutions to child care are not feasible. I hope you find something that works for you.

[LauraB419]

Its a hard thing, i am a single mother as well and I am stuck doing night shift, been doing it a year. I have someone stay the night at my house so that my son can sleep at home. I posted it on fb and asked friends, people from church. I am an RN and when you become and RN you have "dues" where you work 2nd shift, or nights, where more qualified RN get office jobs, and days. If i could do it all over I would have do what it took to work in an office for the 7-3, 8-4,9-5 job would be HEAVEN! NOw i pay someone to watch my son while i sleep and when i am at work its awful! good luck, id have a college student, high school student stay the night....i wouldnt trust older neighbor kids, but even college or hs kids i would make SURE my kids were old enough to tell if something bad was happening. My plan is if it causes TOO much disruption with sleep, school then as a mother that job doesnt work for me. If i didnt have a person come to my house for me to work nights, i wouldnt have worked that position....Family FIRST!

[Mandy0728]

I've had the same issues...my ex & I have 50/50 custody as well & I try to schedule stuff on the days that he's at his dads but sometimes it's hard! I'm scared about nursing school clinicals, because If we have to be there any earlier than 630, I'm screwed.. No daycare around here opens up before 6 & my boyfriend has to be at work by 6. His dad won't help me out, since we don't get along. He knows both my parents are deceased & I have no family to watch him as well, and he uses that to his advantage. Life sucks sometimes! Hopefully it works out for both of us :) good luck!