New Grad struggles

[hannenurse2015]

I graduated from an ADN program in August and I couldn't have been more proud of myself. Becoming a nurse was a hard, long journey for me, as it is for most. But I never worked in the medical field before school. So this made school even harder. Some semesters I did very well, others I struggled to understand a lot of concepts.

Fortunately, during my leadership program I was paired with an awesome nurse who sort of took me under her wing, I'd call her my saving grace. Before her I had no idea where I wanted to work or what I wanted to do. She gave me confidence and advocated for me. She helped me get my foot in the door. And because of 18 amazing shifts with her I realized where I wanted to be, and I finally felt like maybe I could be a real nurse someday.

Fast forward a few months later and I was starting my job. On the same floor I did clinicals with her. I took a casual/on call position because that's all that was open. But I trained on all of the medical surgical floors within the hospital. That way I could pick up shifts or be pulled.

I worked full time for 6 weeks of orientation and then I was on my own. It was overwhelming my first few shifts on my own, but I managed to get everything done and not make major mistakes. Thankfully I work with some amazing people who are always willing to answer my questions.

Two weeks after finishing my orientation I got hurt, not at work. But I took a bad fall, and I had to have surgery, which left me off work for almost 3 months.

I was devastated! I'd never been in a position like that, where I had to miss work or not have an income. And I was absolutely terrified I'd lose my new dream job after taking leave so close to my hire date. But again, I work with wonderful people. I was not eligible for FMLA, but my manager held my job.

Now I'm back, and I'm doing my job as well as I can. But some days I feel as if I'm the blind leading the blind. I love being a nurse, and I try so hard to excel at it. But I've forgotten things, simple things. Things that are slowly coming back, with time and repetition.

I've thankfully been offered a position that will keep me on my unit. I've accepted and I can't wait to start. Hoping some consistency will help me keep more things straight in my head.

I know this post is long and it seems like I'm rambling. But I know there are students out there, who are just like I was. Or new nurses who find themselves struggling just as I am. My message to you is don't lose hope. If I could finish school, so can you. But please don't have the expectation that everything will magically fall into place when you start working, as I did. Being a new nurse is hard. Some days I feel it's harder than nursing school. Everyday is a new test, and you always hope you did your best. I leave work late because I want to make sure I did the best I could for my patients.

And sometimes I have days I go home and crack open a beer, or take a long, hot, shower. Or just cry my day away.

But other days I go home thankful. I go home thankful for the amazing nurse who took me under her wing, the wonderful coworkers who offer me encouragement, the patients who keep me going, and my new carrer. That makes it worth it.

I know have disadvantages over other nurses. I completely changed careers to become a nurse. And I had to take a leave at a critical time in my adjustment to that career. But I have drive and motivation. Even on the days I cry or need to vent when I get home.

So if you're a student struggling or a new nurse questioning your role, read my story and know you're not alone. The journey never ends, but may it hopefully get easier in time.