Nursing is not for the faint-of-heart, or the sensitive. This I have learned after 2+ years at the bedside.
I started in nursing school as a second-career nurse. I had a BA in English, and had bounced around from proofreading job to menial data entry job after my separation and relocation back to my small hometown. I had friends in the medical field who pointed me towards a career in radiology. Me,being the Type A personality and finding it would take too long to get into the local radiology program, said, "Hey, why don't I be a nurse? I like people, I like helping them. And I can get into the local ADN program faster than radiology!" So, I started my career in nursing.
I graduated and passed my boards, but not without the added surprise of a breast cancer diagnosis two weeks before I graduated. I had to undergo chemo for months and a mastectomy, but I was finally ready and eager to be a great nurse for my patients. To advocate, to care, to nurture. I knew what it was like to be a patient, and I had added empathy for those I cared for.
What have I found? I have had patients complain on me to admin (and their doctor) that I didn't push their pain meds "fast" enough through their IVs. I have been bitten by an anoxic encephalopathy pt (which I didn't mind that much) while I changed his Peg dressing. I have been witness to my supervisor being stabbed by a 400+ lb patient who was mad about not getting the sodas she wanted, when she wanted them. I have had extended family of patients become mad because I had to restrain Mom after she fell out of bed and fought us tooth and nail when we tried to calm her down (and it didn't help when her husband came either). I have had to be witness to a male patient slugging a female tech in the jaw because he was confused and the wife requested we "dress" him before she came in in the morning. (This with the caution that she always sedates him beforehand, but if he's spitting the meds back in your face, there's not a lot you can do.)
I have seen and heard a lot in my meager years of nursing.And I still have that drive to help people. But, I broke last week, and resigned my job on the spot. I couldn't face another night in the hellhole I was in. I have never left a job without notice. But I broke. I honestly feel like I have more to give to nursing. I love that feeling of being one-on-one with a patient, and they know I am 100%focused on them. It's rare, but that's the feeling that gives me great satisfaction.
Right now, I feel like a failure, and I am broken-hearted with my career in nursing...
