Coming out of the darkness - page 2

I sat in my hospital bed, cradling my newborn son, with tears streaming down my face. However, these were not tears of joy. I was in despair, afraid and miserable. Wasn't this supposed to be the... Read More

  1. by   BCgradnurse
    Quote from aknight07
    I went through a different type of depression with my first pregnancy (1998). I went into a major depression when I got pregnant due to a chemical imbalance, but it was the same affect. I ended up taking Prozac throughout my pregnancy, which I wasn't thrilled about, but I did it for the sake of my baby because I too wanted to end the suffering only the Prozac didn't work for me. This went on for 3 months. I have had a total of 4 of these episodes in my life, which took a total of a year of my life from me. They were all due to hormonal changes occurring in my body. I don't know what has changed, but I haven't had one of these episodes since 1999. Hormones can do ugly things to women.
    Yes, hormones can be ugly. I ended up having a second go-round with PPD with my second child, but at least I knew what I was dealing with and what to do. No sooner was the umbilical cord cut than I was holding out my hand for my Prozac. I had a few bad weeks, but it was nothing like the first time.

    Ever since that first time I have struggled with depression surrounding my menstrual cycle, and I have chosen to stay on an SSRI long term. I've had a couple of bouts of major depression along with this. I'm going through menopause now and am very happy that I've decided to stay on meds. I shudder to think what I'd feel like without them.
  2. by   kaiamc
    I believe that I had experienced several days of postpartum psychosis with my first child. I remember being deeply afraid for my daughters life, being paranoid that she would die, and having aberrant thoughts that she was an evil entity. I could rationally accept that she was not evil and that she should be just fine, however the thoughts would still caused irrational fear. I did not feel safe telling anyone but I begged my husband not to leave me alone with the baby. Eventually the thoughts stopped and I held it together fine thereafter. With my next two pregnancies I waited for the symptoms to start again but they never did. I did not tell anyone about my experience until years later. The experience just did not reflect the mother I wanted to be and I was ashamed. It is hard not to be under such circumstances.

    Thanks OP for sharing your experience. It was very moving.