6 months of experience and I'm still struggling!

[gonzo83]

Sorry but this is a long vent.

So I have JUST hit my 6 month mark on a busy cardiac step down floor. I thought it was supposed to get easier.... while the intense feelings of n/v and palpitations that I used to get before work have decreased, I'm still having a hard time. In just 6 months I've had a rapid response for a patient that went into uncontrolled V-tach, a code blue (which was pretty tragic for me b/c he was walky talky and had accidentally pulled out his central line and had an air embolis), a patient pass away (which was expected), a patient with seizures all night whom I ended up having to give 20-something of ativan to that night, and then last night I had a patient was was dnr, confused, on dopamine drip, dialysis but hadnt gotten dialysis in a few days due to low bps. This guy just had sooo much going on. He needed IVF and IV merrem but we only had one good line where the dopamine was going into, only one arm to work with. We had to keep sticking him all night long. I felt so awful for this man. He kept yelling "let me die! let me die! Cut it off! Let me go!", he was having periods of apnea, and had that awful death rattle, doc was aware and palliative care was to come and assess him tomorrow... but I just couldnt handle it. I called his daughter at 5am to let her talk to him because I didn't know if he was gonna make it. I heard her crying on the phone and I just lost it.

Everyone on my floor is telling me that I'm getting such good experience, but I honestly feel burnt. For about 2 months after my first code I cried every morning in my car. I know it's supposed to get easier and I'll develop a thicker skin, but I just get so sad with dying patients. My old preceptor told me that I'll end up having a nervous breakdown with the way that I cry. And shes probably right!

Everyone on my floor is really sick and elderly. I knew working with the sick and elderly wasn't my cup of tea before graduating, but I kept hearing about that magical 1 year of med/surg experience. I really wanted to work in L/D or postpartum, but I thought it would do me good to do the 1 year.

I don't think I can make it. I've applied for a transfer but was flat out rejected because I'm only at 6 months. I've applied to other hospitals and they have said the same thing "at least 1 year or new grads, try

again in the summer".

Is nursing just not for me then? Should I quit and go back to starbucks for a few months to rest and recoop? I don't want to give up on nursing all together because of all the time and money I've invested. I would like to try a specialty that I have more of a passion for first. But with the way things are going now.... I just don't know. I feel like I have a black cloud hanging over my head and I honestly feel bad for anyone who gets me for a nurse. Sorry for the long vent but I just feel so lost and things are not getting better.

[craftyNWnurse]

I'm so glad you posted this!! I am in the exact same boat. Except mine has a different spin on it. For me, nursing is just too physically demanding. I have several things NOT going for me.. including ulcerative colitis and fibromyalgia for starters... I spent 3 months in long term and then got hired at the hospital here only to find out that THEY think I'm totally inept. (so you tell me.. graduate with a 3.75 and I'm inept?) I had one situation that I was called on the carpet over and they were threatening to fire me. The nurse I was working with thought the patient looked blue. I did NOT see that, so was my subjective opinion wrong? She has been a nurse for 15 years and I just don't get it. Maybe I just don't have enough experience. So with that, I left the hospital and went back to long term. The frustrating part is how hard it is on me physically. I have been taking care of 26 patients per shift, working 10 hrs a day, sometimes with no breaks. I just cannot do it. Am I in the wrong profession? I have the heart and the mind of a nurse but my body disagrees. I have considered several other areas of nursing but they all require 1-2 years of skilled nursing before they will even consider anything. It is so frustrating!

I still have my LPN license too, and have considered stepping down to use my LPN license to get into some other facilities--so I can get my foot in the door. How bad is that? I know alot of places don't allow you to work under your license...

I really wish someone would shed some light on this too. It is sooo depressing!

[Morettia2, BSN, RN]

Wow do you work in the same hospital as me cause every thing you said is what i have been posting about in other forums...i am on the same exact type of floor with the same exact problems..if in any way possible you can read my other posts please DO it..i feel like you and I are one in the same..please feel free to contact me...i think we can learn alot from eachother...I now know I am not the only Cardiac Nurse that feels this way :cheers:

[Super Nurse JoshuA]

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Are you on a stepdown? I didnt know floor Med/Surg would do dopamine drips. At my facility we don't have a step down so if your on a cardiac drip your in the ICU. Believe me. I have just gotten past my first year of nursing and it can be very brutal. It starts good, goes bad, gets better, goes to hell, gets good, worst than ever, gets better. Just like the stress of nursing school, your still learning! I'm still learning something new everyday, and still getting my behind kicked alot of days! Can you cut back on your days, take a small vacation? Do you try anything like just going outside for a small break on your lunch. I used to eat my lunch on the floor, but than found out if I made myself leave for thirty minutes when I could, I often felt alot better and so did my patients!