Hi fellow RNs,
I'm a fairly new grad in an ICU setting.. I graduated in 2012 and started a critical care internship/GN program in June 2012; I have been off orientation for a little over 6 months. I've had anxiety and nerve issues my whole life, and for the first few months I was doing fairly well in my unit. After I had an extremely ill "tanking" admission patient in March, however, it seems that all of my confidence has gone to the toilet and my anxiety and nerves are sky high; I dread going into work every night I'm on, fearing what's going to happen, and what mistake I could possibly make. I still find it difficult to keep the information I recieve in report straight (I made a template for taking report) and I always feel like the reports I give are inadequate because my pts have so many freaking issues going on, and there's usually never enough time to go through and sit down and look at the transcripts. I know I'm only one person, but I can't help but feel absolutely terrible when I leave things for the next shift; I feel like I'm constantly scrambling to get things done and running around like a nut, even for "easier" assignments. It doesn't help I compare myself to other newer RN's either, to see them charting and done with their work at midnight consistantly (I work nights). Don't get me wrong, I do ask questions A LOT and I do ask for help, but sometimes I feel like I'm more of an annoyance to people and they see me as incompetent. I have found nurses I feel comfortable asking questions to more so than others, but I don't want them to see me as an annoyance, either. I've always been super hard on myself, type-A perfectionist personality, and I tend to harp on my negatives rather than things I do right. It's actually to the point I've had to start talking to a therapist to help me try and control my demon thoughts; I can't transfer out of my unit until I work a certain number of hours as I'm contracted in. I'm really struggling, I need advice as to how to get me through these next 6 months I'm required to work because otherwise these next few months are going to be absolute torture.
Thanks for your time.