I guess we are not in the same country, but when I read your post, I just felt like whatching me, myself. I dropped out of highschool because I was so shocked by my parent's devorcing. And I was a top grade student, so the teachers always wanted more of me. But all that pressures felt like burden. So I just decided to stop going to school. But the situation went bad. I was sexually assulted when I was 5 and 7. I could forget about that when I was in school because all the schoolworks made me tired and I was a type of person who finds work and do-I've never let myself leisurely. Now I have a lot of time so it just hit me everytime. I wanted to go to university faster then others, however, I couldn't. So I got a depression and I felt like I would never ever escape from it. And then I became 18, all of my friends went to top univeraities, so I began to avoide meeting people. Every end of the SAT-actually it's not called sat in my country, but the aim of the test is same so I'll just say it sat- my friends asked me if I'm going to uni, and that was so stressful. I thought that I am not smart anymore but stupid enough to try suicide. Everthing looked bad. I always cried at daytime and when my mom comes home, acted like I was doing study or something and everthing was okay. At nights, I was suffered from insomnia.
On the summer of my 18, finally I screamed out my parents how they made my life suck. I cried and yelled and screamed about the result of what they have done. I know that's not their fault but my whole life and my mental were falling apart. I just needed somewhere to tell my whole burdens.- In my country, if you have any records of psychiatric consults, you will have a lot of bans. so I could not go for a doctor. I tried to read a lot of books and do a self care, but it turned out to be failure. I was much above it.- Then they realized they belived me too much and I was just a kid. Anyway they got back together and decided to send me and private boarding school. There, I said I once dropped out of the highschool, just said a fact and I wanted to be honest. But then they started to bulling on me, saying "that would be the reason that she dropped out of highschool." That "reasons" was not at all reasonable. But it went on and on everday and I could not bare it so I came out of it after one and a half month.
Then I started to study alone and got a permission letter from one of the high ranked nursing school
That was brief of my story and I'm different from you many part, but I wanted to give you my story to give you some advices.
I think the whole thing is about your mind. Don't have to worry about the career problem. That happens sometimes and I know and sure that you are going to find a good place to understand you when you say what happended. As you know, now you are too fragile. What you need most is cheers.
Tell your situation to all of the people you love. Your best friend, husband, uncle...ect. And listen what they say. They would give you a full support and say that they love you despite all of those failures you've made. Beilive it. You are such a smart and great person because I have seen so many people who fails to study alone. It's not a easy job. There are ao many distractions out there.
And try to meey a lot of people. especially friends who can give you warm and cheerful feeling.
And if you have some time to spare, try to visit the greatest hospitals in your town. Take a walk through the wings and see how their lives going. You can see that the old nurses' faces are shining. And imagine yourself working as a great nurse who leads her own part well than any other.
You should love yourself.
Last, if you believe in any religion, have a praying time. When I was too much suffered, I'd visited church at dawn and asked God, "what did you prepared good things for me? I know that you prepared something good for me. Please don't make this last for ever." Just another suggestion, if you believe in something.
And I know those bad experiences are going to make you terrified sometimes, it's going to be a troumatic memory. But, don't forget the warm feelings you got from your friends, husband, and your patients!
I know that it's not easy thing to build up a new relationship and to make it last. You can learn by your experience. Carefully observe your freind or co-workers who build up a great relationship and try to apply to yourself. You can be hurt or broken down, but all those things are going to be feel more better than before.
Please believe yourself and hope you can say to your mom&dad that I and okay now and I become a cool professional nurse.
That days are going to come. Love you dear.
p.s English is not my first language so their could be some weird sentences. I hope that you got the meaning well.