Why did his nurses do this?

[Nurse SMS, MSN, RN]

I am a pre-nursing student getting very close to finishing my pre-requisites. Part of my impetus for pursuing my nursing dream was the death of my oldest son from relapsed AML. He was 11 when diagnosed, 13 when he died.

I am doing a lot of healing and remembering....Joseph was not at all good to his nurses. He hated on them frequently and all his frustration and anger over being so ill was taken out on them. He had no interest in bonding with them and occasionally got sassy when they told him to do things that had to do. Even when he was compliant, he was pretty surly about it 80% of the time. He wanted nothing to do with that world of sickness and pain even though he pretty much lived in the hospital for the last 9 months of his life. I did what I could to remind him that he still needed to be a good person and that they were doing their jobs to help him get well, etc. The nurses were mostly fantastic about combining nighttime chemo and vitals and everything else so we were disturbed as little as possible.

When he went to ICU, he stayed on the vent for two weeks, oscillator for two weeks and we finally were told there was no chance of survival. We made the decision that day to discontinue treatment and called for family.

One by one throughout the day, the nurses who had been taking care of my angry young man came down to the PICU. I gave them moments alone with him to say goodbye. Apparently they were telling one another that today was the day and the news seemed to spread among them like wildfire. One nurse even drove in on her day off from being out with her elderly mother just to say goodbye to Joseph, who was, of course, heavily sedated and on a neuromuscular block. I have no idea if he even knew anyone was there.

I was so moved that all these nurses, who he treated so badly so much of the time, took time from their days and their lives to come to bid him farewell. Why did they do that? Many of them wept. I am so touched by it but I find myself wondering what was in them that made them want to do this even though he really was a pill?

[aehart]

As nurses we love them all. We see people on the worst days of their lives continuously and if we don't care for the good, the bad, or the angry boys we have no business doing what we do. I'm so sorry for your son. God bless and good luck on your journey into nursing.

[SuzeeW]

That is exactly why I miss Nursing so much. It doesn't matter what the patient or client gives US, it's what we have to give to THEM. What a wonderful post. Thank you for sharing that and I wish you all the best in your journey to becoming a nurse!

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Something in your son sparked something in them and they cared. They were able to see beyond that outside and into his heart and soul.

I'm teary reading this. I'm so proud that nurses made an impact on you and your son. I'm sorry for your loss.

Best of luck to you.

[justiceforjoy]

I'm truly sorry for your loss. I won't even pretend to know what you are going through.

We can only guess that we know why some people do things. One of the very first things we learn in nursing is grief. We understand that people, especially terminal, go through the stages of grief for themselves. They likely understood that this was not him; it was his grief. Anger is a big part of it!

That said, they had a long enough time to really make a connection with him. It's never easy to lose a patient - especially one so young. In my own thoughts, I think they were crying for him, but also for you and your family.

[Ruthiegal]

It's what we do. It's compassion for those who are at their worst, facing sometimes insurmountable odds. It's watching a young lad lose zest for life and being angry about why this happened to him, and still give him the best we have to give. Nursing is much more than tasks like administering medications, doing treatments, or any number of things we must do. It is also having empathy for the person who is actually experiencing things we may never have to. I know your son is in a better place and is your "Special Angel" looking over you.

[massrn116]

They knew the anger was not him, it was his illness. Even though you might have seen him angry with them I am sure there were times when other sides of his personality came through. Patients have a right to get angry and most nurses know not to take it personally. Best of luck as you heal and know that others truly loved your son.

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

What a heart-tugging story!

I have you in my heart too, and am proud to be a nurse, after reading your words.

[leslie :-D]

most nurses will recognize anger as a form of pain.

obviously there was a gentle, sensitive side to your son, since so many nurses went out of their way to say good-bye.

i'm so sorry for your loss.

wishing you peace, faith and healing.

leslie

[Kyrshamarks, BSN, RN]

As a pedi nurse who has done oncology in the past I just want to sat that yes you gave birth to Joseph and were his mother but these kids are also our kids when they come to us. Angry or not, they are our kids ,and We care for and love them and we grieve for them when they pass. It hurts and we also need to say good bye to our loved ones. As a pedi nurse thank you for sharing Joesph with us and we do miss our kids.

Kyrhsamarks

[chicookie, BSN, RN]

Even when patients are the meanest they can be we know deep down that the anger they are feeling has nothing to do with us. Especially with younger people. Still we get attached to out patients no matter the circumstances. I'm sorry for your loss and wish you the best.

[LaneyB]

I was a peds onc nurse, and you feel an attachment to almost all of the kids. It is pretty easy to understand why some of them are very angry. Not only that, I was often very attached to the parents. The nurses that came to see your son were probably also coming to show you support.