What to do? Significant other complaining...

efda2rn · Nov 20, 2013

My husband recently had a personal crisis and now he has pretty severe hypochondria, anxiety and depression. He believes to his core that he's going to die so to him, every moment spent not "making memories" by going on trips, or what have you, is a moment wasted. Every night, our ritual is for him to look at me and say, "I'm going to die tonight, I love you," and I say, "You're not going to die, you will wake up to me snuggling next to you." Every time I say, "I have homework," or "I have to study," he gets upset.

He's trying to work on it, because I'm tired of fighting about school, because it is a decision we made together, but it's very very hard. If I could convince him to go to a counselor I might see some relief, but he's so incredibly stubborn and just says, "I'm not crazy," when I make the suggestion. I'm not even IN a nursing program yet! I'm just finishing up my prereqs. Any suggestions would be helpful and very very appreciated!

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Nov 20, 2013

You could say, "You might not be crazy but I'd like you to ask a counselor how to work with this so you will stop making ME crazy!" Tell him you'll go too, so you can work on it together. The counselor will give you some ideas, and then will as to work with him a little more. :)

7237dallas · Nov 20, 2013

My husband recently had a personal crisis and now he has pretty severe hypochondria anxiety and depression. He believes to his core that he's going to die so to him, every moment spent not "making memories" by going on trips, or what have you, is a moment wasted. Every night, our ritual is for him to look at me and say, "I'm going to die tonight, I love you," and I say, "You're not going to die, you will wake up to me snuggling next to you." Every time I say, "I have homework," or "I have to study," he gets upset. He's trying to work on it, because I'm tired of fighting about school, because it is a decision we made together, but it's very very hard. If I could convince him to go to a counselor I might see some relief, but he's so incredibly stubborn and just says, "I'm not crazy," when I make the suggestion. I'm not even IN a nursing program yet! I'm just finishing up my prereqs. Any suggestions would be helpful and very very appreciated![/quote']
Tell him that all people who go to counselors aren't crazy! lol He should really try and work on his anxiety. I had a really bad year in 2008 after my second son was born. I ended up having heart problems which caused me a great deal of anxiety bc I too thought I was going to die and I was so young and just had a baby. The thought I might not get to see my kids grow up, much less my grand kids, haunted me. I would spend every second of the day concentrating on my heart problems and it was just horrible! It's not a way to live, but I WANTED to get better so I did seek counseling which helped. He has things he needs to work through because not only is it not fair to him, it's not fair to you either:( I hope you can convince him to seek help. Prayers your way:)

ArrowRN, BSN, RN · Nov 21, 2013

To all significant others who put up with us nursing students, and spend all that time dining alone. We may not say it but we do appreciate it, even though our head is stuck in a book all day long. Thank you:)

pedsnursetobe<3 · Nov 21, 2013

Reason #572 why I'm single

7237dallas · Nov 21, 2013

To all significant others who put up with us nursing students and spend all that time dining alone. We may not say it but we do appreciate it, even though our head is stuck in a book all day long. Thank you:)[/quote']
I agree, I'm also guilty of this, you have to tell them and not think it's something they should know, it's nice to hear I'm sure:)

Caitlin23 · Nov 22, 2013

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one with this problem. Every time I try to study, my husband says "AGAIN?" like it's something that I only have to do once. Then, as soon as I start studying, he begins talking incessantly. When I put my earplugs in he'll say, "You're ignoring me again!" Ughh, it is SO frustrating and very hard to get anything accomplished. To make matters worse, every time I open a book, my cat jumps up on top of the book and lays down. Then he just starts staring at me and purring and hugging me to get my attention. They both make me feel guilty for studying.

happynurse49, BSN · Nov 22, 2013

Wow. This is kind of crazy. If the decision to go to school was made together why wouldn't he try to help you as much as he can? My husband makes dinner every night, makes sure my scrubs are clean for clinicals, and NEVER complains about me having to study. You need to remind him this is a partnership and while it is difficult that you have to study all the time it is only for two years.

efda2rn · Nov 23, 2013

Thanks for all your words of advice. If I were speaking to the logical part of his brain, I may be able to get somewhere. However, when he is panicking, all logic flys out the window and the helicopter flying over the freeway becomes the ISON comet and he makes me change lanes because it "looked like it was going to hit us." Sigh.

stylishest · Nov 23, 2013

We joke about it together, but we will complete this journey together, all of us, including my 3 kids. My BSN signifies sacrifice and hard work given by each member of our family, as each will benefit from it. Team mentality is important for our family, we don't journey alone, we bare each other's burdens, that's what being a family is for us. But I also tease him that he needs a hobby

carrolls02 · Dec 1, 2013

The first two years were murder, we agreed on my education but he made it very difficult. We would fight nonstop and he didn't understand that this is hard and a lot of time is involved. Now, thank heavens he has chilled out and become very supportive. He realizes that this benefits both of us and I get to do what I was put on this earth to do. We still have our days of your ignoring me, or why don't you come to bed with me and the most annoying, hope to see you soon, but they are getting further between. It's hard work and it takes a toll on your life in many different area's but it does get better. :-)