kdkout

I could not agree more with what you said here, especially this

It's "cleft palate" I don't know of anyone who's out of pocket max with insurance is $90k. That's pathetic "insurance" as you know I don't know what the answer is, but it's not sustainable, as we all know. People who have not had a recent medical crisis don't know how bad things are. I'm glad my kids want nothing to do with healthcare. What a shame

These requests sound ridiculous. Has the staff ever heard of boundaries?

I'm sorry but I don't get it. You need to learn boundaries. This is exactly why employers take advantage of us! If you were still working in the ER, would you clock out and then turn around and go help out on that code? Change that dressing? Go talk to that family? If you had little kids at home, would you skip their bath time and say "I'm sorry, but I can't make you dinner/give you a bath/read to you because I need to check my email one more time" No Quit doing this to yourself

Without knowing more details, I'm suspicious that this all about ageism - you're expensive, and could possibly be replaced with a couple of (part time) new grads. Call me a cynic, but it happens It was a BS move on their part.

I find “woe is me” stories like this frustrating and perceive it as coddling. . You absolutely knew this when you went into nursing. Have the holiday (and things like their birthday parties) on a day off and you will never miss a thing It’s far worse to be a patient on a holiday. I’ve been both.

The saying “Do stupid things, win stupid prizes” came to mind Being fired was absolutely justified

IMO, You are probably not with the right person and you lack boundaries. Nobody plans a bunch of stuff (or anything at all) after working those hours. It’s not possible. Do you think it’s going to get easier with kids? It’s not. Even if you can go part time, once you live together and start raising a family with this guy, you will be doing the work of a sahm, too The fact that you keep bending over backwards to please him - especially when he’s acting like a man-baby and whining- speaks volumes. This is not a healthy relationship. Start working on your personal boundaries and codependency issues. Everyone in nursing has them, and we all need to do this, including me. If your relationship can weather you getting a backbone and you both can change, great. If he hates the new boundaries you are setting and pouts, Get Out asap.

"So what about about a male gynecologist? " Feel free to read my earlier comments on this issue. 

Oncology nursing is not the same as labor and delivery, though. You don't do recurrent vag exams and stare at a patients vag, potentially for hours, while you wait for the baby to come out. When I was an oncology patient, it was embarrassing when they changed my Hickman dressing and temporarily bared my breast. This does not even slightly compare to what you go through when having a baby, though. Much of the time the labor patient will not get a choice about who they'll get as a nurse, so why make it harder? The patient will be meeting that nurse for the first time, and will have no idea if that male nurse is Mr Professional, and when you arrive at the hospital scared and in pain, that's not going to help There's a million things to do in nursing. It doesn't have to be this.

Agree The problem is when people have a degree based in science and (supposedly) protecting public health. If you are going to pick religion over science, healthcare should not be your job

Oh boy

Just want to go on record to say many women, myself included, do not even have to be a victim of sexual or domestic abuse to not want a male nurse. Am I am domestic abuse survivor? Yes. However, I really do think I'd feel the same way even if I hadn't been. Unless you have had a baby, I really don't think you can understand this. ESPECIALLY with what is currently going on in our country. Men don't breastfeed. They don't go through labor. They don't have everything change within their bodies for 9+ months. As people who've worked labor before have said, most women will refuse a male nurse and the reasons seem quite obvious to me My husband is one of the sweetest kindest people I know, but even if he showed up as my nurse (he's not one), I'd still ask for a woman.

Again, I was OK with two male OBs when I had my kids, *because* I had worked with them and personally knew them, therefore I felt safe with them. I would not feel safe with just any male OB. I'm not a hiring manager, don't want to be one, and it's a good thing I'm not, clearly. If anybody else wants to tell me I'm being sexist and discriminatory then, Fine. Legally, that is true. It still doesn't change how I feel about it.

Yep. That’s what I said. “Sexist and discriminatory?” Fine. It doesn’t change how I feel about it I also said I’d only accept a male OB that I already knew, felt safe with, had a relationship with. (Assuming I was given a choice and didn’t live in the middle of nowhere. Which is why I don’t) I don’t understand the outrage, and I suspect if you are outraged by this you have not had a baby, or have never seen what a labouring mom goes through, or you are not a woman, or you have been lucky enough to never felt unsafe at the hands of a man. Consider yourself lucky. Again, what is being done is highly intimate when you are feeling your most vulnerable. I want women, myself included, to feel empowered and emotionally safe. That doesn’t happen when you walk in, scared and in pain, and have to get a vag exam by a total stranger, no matter how “professional” he is.

I admit I don't like male L & D nurses. Not even trying to hide it. When you come into the hospital in the middle of labor, you need to feel emotionally safe. I would not feel that way with a male nurse. It's that simple. I'd want a woman. When I was looking for my own OB, I had several Drs in each group practice that were both male and female that I liked - and knew them personally from working together. If there had been one Dr I was uncomfortable with, I would've picked a different practice. As you pointed out, I agree this was easy to do since I did not live in an isolated area. If you live in the middle of nowhere, you may be used to not having choices. That's one reason why I like to live near or in a major city. In my hometown it used to take until March to have a New Years baby. No way would I ever live there. I want choices. To each their own. FWIW, I have no desire to work in a urology office. There's a million different areas in nursing. I prefer to work in those areas where patients are going to feel most comfortable with me. In a perfect world, if a male labor nurse made a patient uncomfortable, you could just ask a coworker to switch assignments.

During orientation is often the only time you can somewhat “easily” fire a new employee, especially if it’s a union hospital. When I was a preceptor for the new grad program at a hospital approx. 7 years ago, we had to do a LOT to help each preceptee succeed; it cost about $40,000 to precept each one. I didn’t make this up; this is what I was told. It was a NICU setting. It sounds like this was the final straw moment, over several weeks of issues, and the manager/preceptor had enough and knew this was not a good fit. Not everyone is capable of every job, and that’s OK.

Those are great points and I appreciate the legal issues you brought up. Think we can all agree - It's probably good that I am not in charge of hiring!

Reread what happened. The problem is not your manager. You are unable to recognize what a big deal this was. This is ICU. You left without doing all of your major charting and are defending yourself by c/o about the manager and thinking that you didn't put anybody in danger. You do not realize the gravity of the situation, which is a skill you need in nursing - especially ICU. If I did this, I would expect to be fired.

It means "Do you know what is involved? - the vag checks to see how effaced or dilated you are, placing foleys, the being naked and vulnerable, the looking at someone's private parts while they may be in stirrups helping them to figure out how to effectively push." You are listed as a nurse attorney. I was not being snotty; I was painting a visual of what moms go through in labor for those who have not had kids yet and/or who have not done labor and delivery. That is all.

Have you had a baby? That informs this dialog. Yes, but the moms (typically) pick their OBs, and have established relationships with them over the course of many months....so there's a relationship there. If they felt uncomfortable with that OB, they wouldnt pick them. It's not the same thing as showing up in labor, in pain, scared - and then a male nurse is what you are given - a guy who is going to be doing your vag exams, seeing you naked, helping you figure out how to push effectively. Plus, If you unexpectedly end up in the hospital with a traumatic situation - ie preterm labor - you want to feel as emotionally safe as possible. I now work in the NICU where a lot of moms have birth trauma. I'm not saying a male nurse isn't capable of the job - he is - I am saying I think it's completely fair and advisable to make mom feel emotionally safe at perhaps the most vulnerable time in her life

You needed to be fired if this is what happened while you were on orientation. If you don’t know what you are doing, people can die. You were in over your head. Apply to easier jobs. I say this as a former patient and as a preceptor.

I have done labor and delivery at three hospitals in the past. I would not feel comfortable with a male nurse, and no way would I feel comfortable with a male nurse for my dtr. No way, no how. I had a male OB once, who I had worked with and knew well and grew to trust. Nurses change all the time. What you are doing is very intimate at a time when the patient feels very vulnerable, and some patients have also had sexual abuse trauma. (Which they are not always conscious of, but it becomes fairly certain during labor). Now, with the recent Roe v Wade decision, especially…. Please, I beg of you, find something else. There are times when you prefer the support of another woman, and this is one of them.

Sounds like a good place to work, where they believe in science, have standards and expect the same from you. You are not between a rock and a hard place at all. You just think you are. People who have read all the appropriate information from legit sources, and confirm with their OB, get the booster, *especially* when pregnant.

Protect yourself as much as you possibly can. Assume everyone is positive. Finish up getting vested in Aug and get the F out of there. Do NOT stay there. Nobody likes job hunting. Keep your reviews, phone numbers of supervisors , etc and things you’ll need for the job hunt Am I surprised? No