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Discussion

Need Support/Advice

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Hey everyone, I'm posting because I could really use some support right now. This situation has got me vacillating between depression and anxiety. I can't eat, sleep, hang out with friends - all I can do is ruminate and worry about what my future holds.

I work in a very busy, understaffed hospital, inpatient. A few months ago I was placed on light duty due to a medical condition. Basically, I was still new to the facility so I hadn't gained many friends yet, and me being on light duty right after orientation caused me to gain some enemies from coworkers, supervisors, and managers. While I am always polite and friendly, they figured I wasn't fulfilling my job duties by being placed on modified duty. At the time, I didn't really care, all I cared about was healing and knowing I'd be back 100% one day.

A few weeks ago, I got out of an extremely bad relationship. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and extremely manipulative. I took him back one time thinking he had the capacity to change (as he promised) but soon realized he completely lacked empathy and had to end things. As an empath/HSP, I tend to want to help people and give them the benefit of the doubt. My mistake.

When I broke it off with my ex, he became crazily vindictive, sending me threatening messages and exploitation if I didn't take him back. Hell no I wasn't. So he threatened to contact the head of nursing at my hospital, law enforcement, and the board of nursing with false allegations (REALLY bad ones) to try to ruin my life and get back at me. He did so, and I freaked out a little, but knowing my innocence, I stayed calm.

I was contacted by law enforcement and had to lawyer up just in case. The hospital, law enforcement, and the BON said they were going to do an investigation. I said OK, knock yourself out, the truth will come out. I wasn't worried.

Fast forward to now, and APPARENTLY an investigation brought up some issue that may or may not corroborate with the ex's story. I am absolutely flabberghasted. I did not do what the ex is accusing me of. I thought, how the heck could an investigation bring something up? One issue is that my nursing manager told the detective that since I was on light duty, I shouldn't have been doing specific things. But that is absolutely 100% not true...when I was on light duty but they still put me in full patient care for several days and just said "get help if you need help moving a patient or gurney." I feel like I've been set up and honestly, potentially facing a charge and my license is now on the line. 

I am a very hard worker. I'm an empath. I truly care about my patients. I have worked so hard to get where I am. And this is how I'm treated in return. I am still hoping the truth will come out one day. But for now, I am a complete wreck. I just don't know what to do. Riddled with worry. I appreciate any advice. Thanks all.

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    • Featured Replies

    "One issue is that my nursing manager told the detective that since I was on light duty, I shouldn't have been doing specific things. " Sounds like your manager has decided to get on the bus that they are throwing you under. Get ready to move on. 

    Is this "apparent" issue something that could be proven and interfere with your licensure?

    What is the lawyer saying?

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    • Experts
    4 hours ago, aspiringnurse746090001 said:

    all I can do is ruminate and worry about what my future holds.

    Rumination and obsession are the minds way of trying to work things out and get a piece of information that will hold the key to a solution, aspiringnurse. We think the same thoughts, subsequently having the same feelings of anxiety, over and over again with no apparent end in sight.

    While you have got quite an elephant of a problem to eat, I will focus on this piece in an attempt to assist you with your feelings of anxiety.

    Write down, by hand, every thought and feeling that comes to you, paying no attention to grammar, spelling, punctuation, penmanship, sentence structure, or anything else. Just get it out. Do this every day, for as long as you can- even several times a day, if need be- in order to have a catharsis.

    This process will help clear your mind, decrease rumination & anxiety, and possibly give you a new perspective with solutions.

    Find someone with which you can confide who is a good listener, can give verbal feedback and support. A good therapist, as well as a good friend, can do this.

    Good luck and the very best to you, aspiringnurse!

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    Can’t stand how this has gone for you! I’m not even you and I’m pissed!

    When the dust settles stay far away from toxic people!  How freaking dare he!

    One day at a time, hang in there.

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    I’m in a similar situation where my husbands girlfriend it doing the same to me.  AlL

    false accusations.  I came to this thread for support and have received some of the rudest comments ever!  Some

    stating the BON would never investigate things im

    being accused of.  Im Sorry this is happening to you.  Please keep me informed. 

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    3 hours ago, Kimsetay88 said:

    I’m in a similar situation where my husbands girlfriend it doing the same to me.  AlL

    false accusations.  I came to this thread for support and have received some of the rudest comments ever!  Some

    stating the BON would never investigate things im

    being accused of.  Im Sorry this is happening to you.  Please keep me informed. 

    I'm sorry people were mean to you.  ?  They clearly haven't walked in your shoes or had a stalker.  It's such a terrible thing and you get to the point where you don't even want to talk to your ex or his family or his pet dog or nothing (just get far far away  like Ghana jk).  I think some people take rejection hard and others are just plain mean.   I hope that you try your hardest to put a huge distance between him and HER (like forget they even exist).   And I know you probably did nothing to her and you don't even probably know her but stay strong.  People are so difficult sometimes.  Prayers for Peace.

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    Thank you.  It’s been a nightmare.  I’m working long nights, extra shifts and my husband is out making friends and I’m getting investigated because she blame me that the “friendship” ended. 

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    If you aren’t going to give up- beware of the storm that awaits you. Go get support from your local DV shelter, sometimes that have victim advocates that can walk you through tough situations and provide support.

    Do you love nursing to the point where you would go through all of this? If it is worth it to you, then fight. Otherwise you always have the option to pursue other interests. At the end of the day, you still have a degree (hopefully Bachelors) and you can move on with your life. 
    despicable people are everywhere. It sounds like you were being abused and are still victimized by this individual. Best of luck to you, stay safe.

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    On 6/20/2022 at 9:18 AM, vintagegal said:

    If you aren’t going to give up- beware of the storm that awaits you. Go get support from your local DV shelter, sometimes that have victim advocates that can walk you through tough situations and provide support.

    Do you love nursing to the point where you would go through all of this? If it is worth it to you, then fight. Otherwise you always have the option to pursue other interests. At the end of the day, you still have a degree (hopefully Bachelors) and you can move on with your life. 
    despicable people are everywhere. It sounds like you were being abused and are still victimized by this individual. Best of luck to you, stay safe.

    I'm sorry in advance because this doesn't seem to apply to OP's particular situation but I'll ask anyway. What can nurses leaving a bad relationship do to protect themselves from a stalker situation? Anybody can look up a nursing license online, while that publicly available information might not reveal exact location it sure would narrow it  down considerably. 

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    Nursing has been my only skill set.  And you brought up my biggest question.  I realize the BON is to protect patients, but my situation isn’t a nursing mistake.  It was a mistake on my part to choose the spouse I did.  Now this women that feels she can be scorned is trying to take my livelyhood away.  How often does this happen?

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    I'm so sorry you are going through this. You will come out a different person for sure. Is seems like you are in an impossible situation. you should just run but cant because that would look like guilt. The hospital is trying to get you to quit. They are being no better than your ex. Your work  relationship with your boss and coworkers is just as toxic as it was with your ex. bide your time, make an escape plan, there is no fixing the work relationship. take inventory of your friends, remember who wasn't, focus on damage control, think about you can get out with the least amount of damage. Don't be afraid to abandon ship at any moment. I do believe you. 100 %. It never ceases to amaze me. The nursing profession prides itself that they are so compassionate yet will destroy someone and blame it on the their victim. sound familiar?. you need to get out of there, just a question of how and when. get a plan. much love and good luck.

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    On 6/20/2022 at 10:18 AM, vintagegal said:

    If you aren’t going to give up- beware of the storm that awaits you. Go get support from your local DV shelter, sometimes that have victim advocates that can walk you through tough situations and provide support.

    Do you love nursing to the point where you would go through all of this? If it is worth it to you, then fight. Otherwise you always have the option to pursue other interests. At the end of the day, you still have a degree (hopefully Bachelors) and you can move on with your life. 
    despicable people are everywhere. It sounds like you were being abused and are still victimized by this individual. Best of luck to you, stay safe.

    you are so right!

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