Bon

you are so right!

I'm so sorry you are going through this. You will come out a different person for sure. Is seems like you are in an impossible situation. you should just run but cant because that would look like guilt. The hospital is trying to get you to quit. They are being no better than your ex. Your work relationship with your boss and coworkers is just as toxic as it was with your ex. bide your time, make an escape plan, there is no fixing the work relationship. take inventory of your friends, remember who wasn't, focus on damage control, think about you can get out with the least amount of damage. Don't be afraid to abandon ship at any moment. I do believe you. 100 %. It never ceases to amaze me. The nursing profession prides itself that they are so compassionate yet will destroy someone and blame it on the their victim. sound familiar?. you need to get out of there, just a question of how and when. get a plan. much love and good luck.

What jobs can I get that aren't nursing?

I realize your post is from 2018 but it resonates with me. My Dr. insisted 2 months ago that I take off work. She sites the shift work, the loss of my mother and the pandemic were all sources of intense stress. The bottom line was the safety risked I posed to my patients. I felt like I was in free fall. I still do. I feel like something or someone has died ( not just my mother.) I still navigating the dynamics of my situation. Why is this happening?. What am I if I'm not a nurse? Nursing has been my go to for all sorts of loss in my life. I never wavered in my commitment to this profession. I've sacrificed my children's' childhood, my marriages ( that's right plural). My social life, emotional stability at times. Now I see that I've sacrificed my physically and emotional health until one day (who knows what day that was), I realized that I've given up so much more and began to spiral down. I personified the martyrdom identity. I've never wanted that. My situation is not unique. Now I'm in a place that there is no one to lean on in my personal life, to hold me up. That is because I've taught the people in my life to learn to live without me. Oh they are proud of me, empathetic and considerate. However the idea that I'm appreciative and supportive of their emotional state is foreign to them, especially my children and that is heartbreaking. I don't regret being a nurse, but I do regret sacrificing for it. I didn't stand up for myself. I cant go back to work, My tolerance and patient and passion for it no longer exist. I am transitioning to a new me. A life of me without those struggles, without my mother , without nursing, acceptance of myself . Joy of love of self care. I am resourceful, I've fought for so many, advocated at the expense of my own self worth. Now I do me. I may have fallen. but no mistake I will be back and I will leading the pack. I love that fact that others have shared their story. It gives me strength and relief. It take courage to share insecurities. The nature of this beast called nursing requires that we have a self sacrificing, low self worth thinking, to survive. It can survive without me. I feel the need to apologize for my incapability's, and weaknesses. I'm not incapable or weak my new journey starts now. I am grateful for the outlet because I obviously needed it.