I've messed everything up.
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I'm a second level student currently; I'm states away from my closest family member.
I've always got the impression that the majority of the faculty I'm studying under didn't care for me and have experienced an immense amount of anxiety due to this on multiple occassions. That being said, I also have not always been a model student.
I'm in my 4th semester and have been on probation for two of those; tomorrow I will be placed on probation for the third time. Twice for unprofessional conduct (being late without notifying prior) and once due to a medical reason. I went to great lengths to go to physicians and prove the "medical reason" would not affect my nursing ability. Some faculty were fine with this and other faculty are to this day not convinced.
Monday was my first clinical experience of 4th semester, which I was late for -- I know this is unprofessional of me. I did not anticipate being late, and therefore did not call ahead. Tuesday, I had to stay home with a sick child (I called and unavoided another unsatisfactory mark, although the faculty was not convinced). So I'm in 4th semester, facing 20 days of clinical (probably less than most, I think) on probation and having to make up two days, the max makeup allowed.
This semester, also, we will be performing "nursing skills" only. We will also not know anything about our clients until report that morning. While I understand that this is to prepare me for a nursing career, there has been no transition to this level of independence, and our way to learn "skills" was to read about them. On top of the stress of being so close to being dismissed, I don't know where to begin. Our program is very disorganized and one faculty member will hardcore an issue that another thinks is unnecessary. So I've never figured out exactly what I need to have memorized and what I can carry around a MedSurg Notes flip-book for.
My ultimate goal is not to get the disapproving faculty to "like me" again, but to be confident in my nursing skills and pass these 20 clinical days without issue.
Rant, I know. I also know other nursing programs are much harder than this. But I need helpful advice, please, or any encouragement. I've messed up, but I want to be a nurse more than anything, and I know actions speak louder than words.