Is this odd to you too?

When my son died, it was a required autopsy because it was a singl car accident. As an emergency nurse, I knew that. But as a mom, I hated it. I KNOW he wasn't there, but somehow it seemed to me he'd been through enough.

Heck, we chose his plot because it faces toward a stadium where they frequently have fireworks so he could see them. Yes, I KNOW. And even though was was 18, he has a nightlight. He isn't the only one out there facing the same way and with a nightlight, either, so I don't feel too silly.

So, it's true when you lose someone you love, you just aren't rational for a while.

Have you asked the family what they mean by being cold-natured? It might help them articulate some of their feelings to you.

Unless they want burial ASAP and no furneral (religious reasons) I'm sure there is state laws on how bodies are handled and stored until funerals and burrial.

I took it to mean.."mom doesn't like the cold or gets cold easy and that is enough needles"

When my son died, it was a required autopsy because it was a singl car accident. As an emergency nurse, I knew that. But as a mom, I hated it. I KNOW he wasn't there, but somehow it seemed to me he'd been through enough.

Heck, we chose his plot because it faces toward a stadium where they frequently have fireworks so he could see them. Yes, I KNOW. And even though was was 18, he has a nightlight. He isn't the only one out there facing the same way and with a nightlight, either, so I don't feel too silly.

So, it's true when you lose someone you love, you just aren't rational for a while.

Have you asked the family what they mean by being cold-natured? It might help them articulate some of their feelings to you.

My dad also required an autopsy because he died suddenly at 51 in otherwise good health. They figured it was a MI, but had to confirm. Even though I understood, I didn't like it at all. My dad was an extremely private person, & the idea of a stranger seeing him like that is disturbing because we knew it would bother him.

We chose my dad's plot because it faces uphill toward his parents & in-laws, so he wouldn't be alone. He is also one row over from my mom's uncle. We chose the number (we were between one plot and the one next to it) because it was 2004, the year I graduated high school.

As others have said...when you're in the denial stage of grief, you're not rational. We also buried my dad with his favorite jeans & sweatshirt by his side, so he could "get changed" because he HATED wearing suits. We made the funeral director take off his tie also before the casket was closed b/c he hated wearing ties for any longer than he had to. My mom wrote him a letter & left him his glasses so he could read it. My brother left him his dad's baseball glove & I left him a picture of us from my graduation & a ticket from my pinning ceremony, because he was so proud that day.

Even though we are all out of denial now, 8 mos later, I'd never change anything we did that day.

I also do wonder what OPs pt/family means by "cold-natured". It would be interesting to find out.

I recently went through the death of my husband. I remember having some of these same feelings. I never verbalized them as I recognized that they were crazy thoughts. My husband had many, many holes from IVs, blood cultures, and other draws. It did bother me that he would be placed in a cooler, alone in the cold.

I am so sorry for the loss of your husband.

look at it from this viewpoint:

how would we nurses react if we observed a deceased person being transferred very disrespectfully...

maybe even the body being dropped, or thrown over one's shoulder?

we would be horrified, yes?

even acknowledging this 'body' does not feel the pain from injury or the humiliation from being tossed over the shoulder.

many, MANY families experience the same fears...

that there will be no coffin, since 'joe' was claustrophobic.

while we know they are dead, it is near impossible to detach ourselves from all their known fears/quirks, etc.

no sense in trying to dissuade them.

this is just all too common...

it seems even normal to me.

just work with the funeral director through all of it.

they are extremely sensitive to all of these issues.

leslie

I just saw a story on CNN yesterday about people who bury active, charged cell phones with a loved one.

One family said the phone rang during the service.

If it helps them cope better, I don't see the difference between this and burying someone with stuffed animals, sports memorabilia, a favorite CD, etc.

I don't see it anymore odd than a nurse referring to a family member's deceased love one as just an empty shell.

Many of my co-workers are going to refuse embalming. Me too. Actually, I've decided on cremation.

steph

here's another example.

just yesterday, i asked ed where our plots will be.

he reminded me that i was going to be cremated.

i'll tell you, i felt momentarily jolted, thinking we wouldn't be next to ea other.

i even reconsidered being buried.

that is how powerful our psych is.

i'm still going to be cremated.

but a part of me is still going nuts, thinking i won't be next to him.

leslie

"cold-natured" might be a regional thing, I've heard it many times. It can mean emotionally distant but it seems pretty clear in this case that they meant mom was always cold and wouldn't want to be any colder. Another one I hear a lot is "cold-blooded", when they mean they are always chilled.

how would we nurses react if we observed a deceased person being transferred very disrespectfully...maybe even the body being dropped, or thrown over one's shoulder?

we would be horrified, yes? even acknowledging this 'body' does not feel the pain from injury or the humiliation from being tossed over the shoulder.

We had a 4-year old drowning. When ME's office came to get him from our ED, the guy simply wrapped him in a sheet and carried him out the door. I realize the child wasn't that big/heavy, but it just seemed...wrong. I still wonder if he secured him on a gurney in the car, or just tossed him in the backseat.

NurseKatie08...I slipped a Kit-Kat in my grandpa's shirt pocket during our viewing at the funeral home. (There's a long-standing story of Grandpa and 5-yr old me arguing about a candy bar!) My aunt also added things to the coffin. She used a ziploc to place a handful of dirt & alfalfa from the field and placed a couple pictures of the newest-born calves with him in the coffin.