How to handle inappropriate comments

[Sparrow23]

How do you all tactfully handle patient's inappropriate comments? One for instance decided to tell me how nice my derriere looked. Another tells me I'm the "sexiest nurse" he's had. I've lost track of how many felt it was appropriate to tell me I smell good (why yes, I shower, thanks for noticing). I don't feel particularly threatened by the comments, but I really am at a loss as to how to respond so as to maintain a caring but professional relationship with these people. Words of wisdom anyone?

[roser13, ASN, RN]

I alternate between silence, which sends its own message, and saying (in the most neutral tone I can manage) "I'm not sure why you would mention that...." The reason that I most often resort to the "silent" response is because it's so hard to keep my tone neutral when there is so much else that I'd rather be saying but can't.

Granted, doesn't happen all that often to me anymore, but it still gets my goat when it does.

[CT Pixie, BSN, RN]

A quick sideways glance with total silence usually does the trick for my patients (I work LTC..but most are totally with it so its not a matter of dementia clouding their judgement and mouth "filter").

I have one in particular who will rattle off "compliments" with very sexual tones to them, just waiting for a reaction, when he gets none from me, he'll say "I said.." and repeat it, I respond with "Yes, I heard what you said and I'm trying to imagine how your daughter would respond to something like that". He clams up real quick after that.

I get the "you smell nice" from many of my residents (male and female) I just respond as nicely as I can with a "thank you" and leave it at that.

Silence really does work well with the more colorful "compliments"

[Whispera, MSN, RN]

If someone says I smell good, I say thank you, and then change the subject. If someone makes a comment that makes me feel uncomfy, I say that's not something the person should be saying to me, or that the remark makes me uncomfortable. If I feel they'd understand, I say "that's not appropriate to say." Then I change the subject. If they don't stop, I say, "stop talking to me in this way," or something like that.

Think of patients as people in your own life. If someone says something inappropriate in your social life, what would you say, politely, to stop them from continuing?

[PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN]

Quick "thank you" no smile, and change the subject.

Stay neutral and don't show that it affects you. Move on quick like you mean business and it will work.

[CNL2B]

This is just my two --

You could try to ugly it up a little bit.

No, seriously.

From your post, I am assuming that you are an attractive woman and you take care of yourself (hey, at least you shower.) I was (am?) the same way, more so 10 years ago than today (another point -- this will likely subside as you put a few years on you, and they show.) I got really sick of this crap too. As an SN at my first hospital job, I actually had to report another staffperson from another department for harassment because he wouldn't leave me alone. I actually got little love notes and candy sent to me in the tube system. (Creepy and gross, especially considering the guy was married.)

I look about the same as I did back then except I have 10 years on me, so I have some fine lines, etc. I made a decision to stop putting an effort into being pretty when I went to work. I pull my hair back in a ponytail, no jewelry except my wedding ring, minimal makeup, no perfume. No fancy scrubs and white Danskos. That's it. The comments stopped dramatically, and I am thrilled. Now I can concentrate on doing my job and not having to put up with that kind of garbage.

[annacnatorn]

I get harassed from men quite a bit as I am "top heavy", so I make an effort to wear a T-shirt under scrub tops...but I always get the hand there, makes me feel so uncomfortable, I tell them...My husband gets smacked for doing that...what do you think I should do with you? or Your wife will be here, I will tell her of your activities...one guy said try it, So I told my Supervisor, as this guy had done this multiple times at this point so I know it was no accident, I told His wife with my supervisor there....It stopped immediately! (Yes, I try to wear a bust minimizer..but you can only minimize so much!)

ugh..men....why???

[mamamerlee, LPN]

If you smell good due to nice-smelling bath oils or colognes, then the appropriate answer is 'Thank you', nothing more.

As for truly sexually-charged remarks, it depends on the scene. Keeping in mind that many men who are ill are trying to make you think that they are still 'healthy' in the manliness department, a simple 'please don't talk to me that way' may be appropriate.

If this is a persistent pattern with all the nurses, then ALL the nurses must tell the pt to stop, or have the doc or supervisor or a MALE nurse confront the pt.

If someone touches you inappropriately, not only would I tell them LOUDLY to stop - as in 'HEY, get your hands off me' but this requires an immediate call to the next higher person in charge.

Also, DOCUMENT everything, as factually as you can. Some of this might be related to mental status changes, CVA, dementia.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

I don't mind people telling me that I smell nice.

I *do* mind patients being sexually inappropriate when they know better.

This probably wasn't the, ahem, right thing to do, but one time I sure as heck did manage to get the patient to be quiet about it.

Gross Patient: You're my nurse today?

Me: Yes, until 3 PM.

GP: Then I'm going to have to stay up all day.

Me: So you can annoy me?

GP: No, so I can LOOK at you. *licks lips*

Me: You know what's really strange? Ever since I had my sex change operation, the men just won't leave me alone!

[TNgirl2010]

I don't mind people telling me that I smell nice.

I *do* mind patients being sexually inappropriate when they know better.

This probably wasn't the, ahem, right thing to do, but one time I sure as heck did manage to get the patient to be quiet about it.

Gross Patient: You're my nurse today?

Me: Yes, until 3 PM.

GP: Then I'm going to have to stay up all day.

Me: So you can annoy me?

GP: No, so I can LOOK at you. *licks lips*

Me: You know what's really strange? Ever since I had my sex change operation, the men just won't leave me alone!

Hahahahahaha, Oh that is hilarious!!

I've had a couple of patients try to get inappropriate, but one encounter stands out. As a CNA, I once help set up a bath basin for a man. (Probably 60's, surgical pt with no dementia or other excuse). All I did was set it up, I didn't bathe him (since he could do it himself) and had my back to him while I was changing bed linens, etc. I didn't really see any parts of him that I shouldn't have...He then says, "Alright I got naked for you, when are you going to return the favor?" Um no!! I wanted to die laughing, but instead I replied with, "Sir that's inappropriate." And dropped it. Thankfully he shut up after that.

[Midwest4me]

i don't mind people telling me that i smell nice.

i *do* mind patients being sexually inappropriate when they know better.

this probably wasn't the, ahem, right thing to do, but one time i sure as heck did manage to get the patient to be quiet about it.

gross patient: you're my nurse today?

me: yes, until 3 pm.

gp: then i'm going to have to stay up all day.

me: so you can annoy me?

gp: no, so i can look at you. *licks lips*

me: you know what's really strange? ever since i had my sex change operation, the men just won't leave me alone!

you made me (and my husband)laugh out loud; ok, asyou said maybe not the "right thing" to do, but oh, so very witty! thanks for sharing that.

[Davey Do]

Me: You know what's really strange? Ever since I had my sex change operation, the men just won't leave me alone!

CamaroNurse, this technique sounds like the patients need to be exposed to dubious information until the situation becomes repugnant to them.

We could call it "CamaroNurse's Aversion Therapy".