Getting your need from someone else.

Nurses General Nursing

Published

Hello I was just curious on how everyone feels. I work with alot of patients in their home (private duty nurse) and they are on vents., unable to move anything but their eyes, and are married. I wanted to know (I sure this is the last thing their spouse thinks about. Maybe not the last. ) if your were in their shoes, if your spouse wanted u too, would u have sex someone else. Just to help feed that need. I sure these pts. among other things feels guilty not able to perform this much needed desire. I don't know how I feel about this. On either side, if i was the pt. (letting my spouse do this) or being the caregiver (having sex with someone else other then my husband).

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hell, no.

if my husband was vented and wanted me to go elsewhere, i would absolutely, totally refuse.

marriage is about serious, heavy-duty commitments, on many different levels.

this would never even be a consideration.

leslie

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Specializes in ED, ICU, PACU.

I believe what you are talking about is covered under the vow of taking that person for better or worse, in sickness and in health...

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No.... just no. I can't explain anymore than that. No.

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Specializes in Adult Acute Care Medicine.

What a horrible thought. No way.

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Specializes in ICU/ER.

Please tell us no one is asking you to "assist" in filling this need.

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Definitly Not! Some of these patients have had their disease for years. And it got me thinking if the spouse dates or whatever. I had heard something about Will Smith (actor) and his wife had sex with other people while during thier acting thing. This was their understanding. Like it was nothing. And it got me thinking what other people thought about this.

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Specializes in Cardiac Telemetry, ED.

My thoughts; this is a highly personal decision that I am in no position to judge. A couple's relationship and any agreements they have with one another are between them, and it's not my place to impose my values upon them.

My personal feelings; for me, it would be like rubbing salt in the wound, if my partner could not fulfill certain needs due to incapacitating illness, and I were to fulfill those needs elsewhere. Besides, there are more ways to share intimacy than "traditional" sexual intercourse. A little imagination can go a long way.

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i think it's easy for one to sit back and say "oh, no, never! not me! not in a million years!". However, when you are actually walking in the other person's shoes, things suddenly aren't so concrete and minds change.

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Just to let ya'll know I'm not a freak or anything. I work nights with these patients and I have alot of time to think about things. Watching people sleep is a hard job. LOL

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Specializes in ICU, PACU, Cath Lab.

Absolutely not...if my husband were in that postiton, I would be with him and him only that is the promise I made to him when we got married. I am not going to say that sex does not matter, but really in the big picture like that...it does not matter, at all.

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hell, no.

if my husband was vented and wanted me to go elsewhere, i would absolutely, totally refuse.

marriage is about serious, heavy-duty commitments, on many different levels.

this would never even be a consideration.

leslie

:yeahthat:

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