burning out and desperat

[burningout]

I have been a travel nurse since Nov. 2005. I'm starting to burn out from hospital nursing and politcs.

I'm currently at the Kaiser in Santa Clara. Againist my better judgement I took this assignment. I had a bad experience with Kaiser before.

First they cancelled my contract two days I was before I was to start. I took a threat of legal action to get me started. This should have been a prediction of what was to come.

I decided I wouldn't let this damper the contract.

Well from day one they have made my life miserable. The floor I'm on most travellers won't renew, because they are so unhappy. The hospital isn't traveler friendly. I was told to my face by management that Kaiser owes the travel nurse nothing. There has been several nights when the floor had moretravel nurses than staff.

Now with the economic problems they are trying to find ways to get out of contracts. If you make any mistakes they will cancel your contract. Well recently I made an error. Now my life is more miserable. I go to work and start crying because I'm so miserable and feel unwanted. I'm having trouble concentrating on my work setting me up for more mistakes.

I left early today due to low census only to find another complaint.

This isn't like me. I'm not perfect but I don't mess up like this.

I don't enjoy being a hospital nurse anymore. As a traveler I've gotten use to being the dump nurse and according to this hospital a second class nurse.

I want to do a different type of nursing. I've become interested the last few years in pallitive or hospice care.

I feel stuck. To complicate this I have a 24 year old son, that I took this job for so he can have some new opportunties. He can be verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Now he saying I have in my mind to move away from here. He not even being nice about it.

I can't afford to cancel my contract on my own. I can't get my recruiter to understand how bad it is. It's so bad I had to talk myself out of hurting myself. I feel like I have no one who cares. I have no where to turn. I feel like I'm the worse nurse in the world and a second class citizen. I don't need judgemental person.

I know in my heart that I'm a good nurse who is human. I know I need to get out of hospital nursing before I lose my love of nursing.

I wish I could find a new avenue of nursing.

[dusky1228]

I don't enjoy being a hospital nurse anymore. As a traveler I've gotten use to being the dump nurse and according to this hospital a second class nurse.

I want to do a different type of nursing. I've become interested the last few years in pallitive or hospice care.

I feel stuck. To complicate this I have a 24 year old son, that I took this job for so he can have some new opportunties. He can be verbally and emotionally abusive to me. Now he saying I have in my mind to move away from here. He not even being nice about it.

I can't afford to cancel my contract on my own

First of all, I am so sorry that you are going through this! It's hard enough to be the dumpee.

I do have to say though: you mention you have a 24 year old son-that you took this job so he could have more opportunities? Does he have medical or psychiatric issues, or disabled in some way? Because if not, he has NO excuse. He's acting like a 5 year old. He should grow up, and stand on his own 2 feet, and if he likes it there, then he can stay there and find his own way through life, and not depend on his mom to find opportunities for him. Where is his responsibility? It's not like he's even a teen who would be disrupted from a school system. Even so, it does not give him the right to be rude and abusive.

You ARE a good nurse who is human. And the more stress you are under, the tougher it gets.

If you can't afford to get out of your contract, you then need to stay the course. There ARE other specialities. Many of them. If Hospice or Palliative care is what you would like to try, then do it. Nothing is final.

Best of luck-I know it's hard.