Senility.....

THE SENILITY PRAYER

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to
tell the difference.



Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered....

ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
apart.

FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.

SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.

TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been
anywhere.

THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is
when you're in the bathroom.

FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put
them on my knees.

FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
decide to play chess?

SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm
here after.