Senility.....

  1. THE SENILITY PRAYER

    God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
    the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to
    tell the difference.



    Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered....

    ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

    TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

    THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling
    apart.

    FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded.

    FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair.

    SIX - If all is not lost, where is it?

    SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

    EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant.

    NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few.

    TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

    ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

    TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been
    anywhere.

    THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is
    when you're in the bathroom.

    FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put
    them on my knees.

    FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone
    decide to play chess?

    SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
    SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

    EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the
    hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm
    here after.

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