A Mother's Dictionary...

  1. A MOTHER'S DICTIONARY


    AMNESIA: A condition that enables a woman who has gone through labor to have sex again.

    BOTTLE FEEDING: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2am also.

    DEFENSE: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let de children play outside.

    DUMBWAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

    FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster.

    FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

    GRANDPARENTS: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

    HEARSAY: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

    IMPREGNABLE: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

    INDEPENDENT: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

    LOOK OUT!: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

    PRENATAL: When your life was still somewhat your own.

    PREPARED CHILDBIRTH: A contradiction in terms.

    PUDDLE: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

    SHOW OFF: A child who is more talented than yours.

    STOREROOM: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

    TEMPER TANTRUMS: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

    TOP BUNK: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

    TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

    VERBAL: Able to whine in words

    WEAKER SEX: The kind you have after the kids have worn you out.

    WHODUNIT: None of the kids that live in your house.

    WHOOPS: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
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