Any Canadian RNs in recovery to talk to?

Published Dec 14, 2016

5 Posts

Dear all,

I'm 14 months clean of opioids as I write this and was supposed to face a disciplinary hearing in my province last month but it has been postponed indefinitely because about a month prior I began to suffer anxiety attacks and my psychiatrist put me on clonazepam. We made a deal: I promised not to b.s. him or abuse the medication in any way. We also agreed that I would begin to taper as soon as the hearing was over. I also immediately informed my addictions specialist to make him aware that I would test positive for benzos for my weekly to bi-weekly drug screens.

To make a long story short (well, I'll try), my union lawyer reported me to my provincial board and I was informed by one of the two facilities where I was employed that my RN license had been suspended. I was so angry with her, as she wouldn't even listen to why I was on the benzos ... how about having been nearly ruined financially by my ex (who also threw me out of the house after I was caught in the fall of 2015), taking care of an aging parent with dementia and being scared out of my wits about the hearing, especially as the aforementioned lawyer told me to go back to work but not disclose that I would be facing disciplinary action by my board (I took her advice and did get hired in two casual positions but said nothing to my head Nurses)? Even after going to treatment, seeing my psychiatrist and drug counsellor and NA I carried so much shame with me, on top of the fact that I was harbouring a secret about my past addiction.

My last shift was November 9 and I had decided that I was going to voluntarily surrender my RN license permanently. Now, however, I am thinking that I do have it within me to fight to keep my license. I've been an RN almost 12 years now and all modesty aside for a moment, I was a damn good Nurse. It's also a large part of my identity. I have no idea who is going to hire me IF my board does give me my license back (and I know that I will have narcotics restrictions on it). I'm hoping to return to my psych job because I found it both rewarding and therapeutic to work with patients suffering from the cormorbidity of mental illness and addiction. In other words, people like myself. I'm just feeling very alone and isolated, especially as I live in a remote, rural area. It's going to be a struggle, I know, practically back to square one. But I am clean and sober and began to taper off the benzos anyway ... now down to 1 mg/day from 3 mg/day. Would just like to hear from others who hires us, nurses in recovery? The thing that saddens me the most is the lack of support and compassion among other members of our profession. Would love to hear from other nurses in recovery who are travelling the same road, and for those who made the journey and were able to return to the profession with dignity and self-respect intact.