When is enough enough?

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2011

Well, my facility is creating an ADON spot. My first reaction was, "ME ME ME!" but upon reflection I realized that I am at precisely the management level I'm comfortable with.

I don't envy you your responsibilty, CCM.

caliotter3 · Feb 6, 2011

A staff nurse at one of the LTC facilities where I once worked had been a DON and decided she had enough. She went back to floor nursing. I don't blame her.

Nascar nurse, ASN, RN · Feb 6, 2011

Would a vacation help? Not just a week, but maybe two. If you can afford it go somewhere really different such a Europe, one of those all inclusive resorts, etc. Just something to make you feel like you're a million miles away.

But overall, I think most of us feel the way you are feeling from time to time. Sometimes we just need to whine about it & hope someone will listen. Sometimes we really need to take a look at where we are in life & make a change. It can be tough figuring out though. Good luck.

sls73 · Feb 6, 2011

It must be the time of the year- at least the area I live in. Nothing but ice and snow. I have been in LTC for about 20 years and the DNS for a little over a year. Prior to that I was the RNAC at the same facility(been here for 11). Friday I think there was a sign outside my door that said “complaint department open come on in- oh and bring your bff for a discounted rate(and added morale support)”. None of the staff were getting along which is unusual for a Friday. I also had a resident threatening to call the state so was trying to put out that fire, but you can’t when they actually think someone is breaking into the facility and they offer lock picking classes in high school to do this(per resident). Its their psychosis and they wont take medications, so I just have to work around it. So yes- I know exactly how you are feeling, cause I have been toying with it myself.

I also have a friend who is the DNS at a facility close to mine that started around the same time as me. She is throwing in the towel. She is having a hard time balancing the family life with being DNS. I do not blame her- wish I had the courage to step down. I am a perfectionist so stepping down for me would mean failure. So despite the headaches that I get routinely (and never used to), being tired, and lack of family time- I keep going back. The question I keep asking myself is “do I enjoy what I do?” Some days yes and some days no- but for the most part I can still say yes. I just wish I felt like I was making a difference without going home feeling beat up every day. I will admit I have a supportive administrative team in the Administrator and ED- so I luck out there. I don’t have constant battles with them and I am a small stand alone non-profit facility. No corporate office. I just have to learn balance in my situation to make it work.

I agree with “Nascar Nurse”- take a break and clear the mind. I like to get away and just be by myself and think. You just may need to take some time and get rid of the winter blah’s….

On a positive note- you are wealth of information and I value the time and investment you put into this board. I love reading your comments and common sense answers that speak the truth(even when not popular). Hang in there. Just realize you are not alone.

madwife2002, BSN, RN · Feb 6, 2011

I am not a DON but I manage a dialysis facility and I hear you loud and clear. I am just exhausted from trying to do the right thing! Every time I turn around the budget is cut and the staff are the ones who suffer!

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Feb 6, 2011

SLS73, thanks for the kind words. Yeah, I tend to shoot from the hip as we say out here in the wilds of Massachusetts. I know I get like this every now and then. Something will happen and I start to question everything I do. I really DO feel like a can make a positive difference in the lives of the residents in my building, but at what cost to me?

We had an incident months ago....long story short, the administrator said it didn't reach the level of a reportable, so I did what I was told and didn't report it. Now it's constantly on my mind and I am dreading survey this year. The resident is fine..no lasting effects from the episode, but still....

I don't know anyone who really wants to do this job. I have friends who know what it's like and they think I'm crazy for sticking with it this long.

I just sent out resumes for different types of nursing jobs...we'll see what happens.

And, you bet, I'd love to take a vacation but no one does my work when I'm gone so the pile on my desk would be even bigger! (would you like some cheese with that whine?)

Nascar nurse, ASN, RN · Feb 6, 2011

(would you like some cheese with that whine?)

*wine

You go right ahead with that.

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Feb 6, 2011

SLS73, We had an incident months ago....long story short, the administrator said it didn't reach the level of a reportable, so I did what I was told and didn't report it. Now it's constantly on my mind and I am dreading survey this year. The resident is fine..no lasting effects from the episode, but still....
I don't know anyone who really wants to do this job. I have friends who know what it's like and they think I'm crazy for sticking with it this long.

Yeah.....I don't think any of us grows up thinking "I want to be a DON in long-term care" :lol2:

In all seriousness, though, regarding the incident your administrator didn't think needed to be reported: I made the same mistake several years ago, and I lived to regret it. We had a resident who said inappropriate things to both staff and other female residents, and occasionally patted them on the rear. Not a huge deal, you'd think, but one resident complained to me, so I took it to the administrator, assuming he would report it to APS. WRONG!!! He didn't bother; a few weeks later when the VP of operations found out about it, he hit the ceiling, chewed us a new one, and wrote us both up for not reporting as mandated. It was a lesson I'll never forget, and while I was angry with my boss for dragging me into the situation, I knew I still should have reported the problem myself.

The reprimand was the only blemish on an otherwise spotless employment record, but I learned from it---bottom line, YOU have to cover your own assets, even if it means hanging your boss out to dry. No one is going to stand up for you but you. 'Nuff said. :)

debRN0417 · Feb 7, 2011

I was DON for a year. That's all I could take. I was in a constant state of worry and dread. I could not let go of any responsibility because I was not able to trust. That was my downfall. I had to get out before it killed me...literally. I have the utmost admiration and respect for you CCM and all DON's who sacrifice, and prematurely age doing that job. We need you.

CapeCodMermaid, RN · Feb 7, 2011

Thanks to all for your support. Now I think I have an adrenal tumor since my heart races and I always feel anxious:coollook:. All kidding aside, I think I am at the end. As much as I like long term care and think there is a huge need for competent, caring nurses, I think it's gonna have to be someone else.

CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2011

I think knowing when enough is enough is important. Being burnt out or tired and continuing to work isn't helping anyone.

Granted this was years ago and I was younger, I up and left management. It was the best decision I have ever made. Thankfully I didn't need to work and could only do it part time so this worked out well for my family. Gone were the 12 hr + days, headaches, ulcer, difficulty sleeping..countless reports to corporate, calls to the state, families in my office. Now I am 'just a nurse'. 8 and out the gate (well, I still have occasional OT or charting to do). I get to be a nurse, hands on care, and speak to my DON when there is a problem to address. This was a major adjustment but it worked out well for me.