Was my professor out of line?

They were very innapropriate as is her treatment of you. I would address it up the chain of command at your school. You deserve an environment that is conducive to the learning experience.

So, you were meeting with a professor because you're struggling with class, and she *gasp!* suggested that you make school your priority?! Outrageous! No, but seriously... IMO, she was giving you good advice - if you're struggling because you're stretching yourself too thin and prioritizing non-school related activities, then it would be logical to suggest that you shift your priorities (temporarily) while in school. I assume you were asking for her advice on how to succeed with school, and she offered you a perfectly reasonable opinion.

As far as introducing religion into the conversation, well, here I think she was out of line. It's none of her business which religion, if any, you are affiliated with, and certainly none of her business to offer her personal opinion about it (assuming she was not asked for her opinion on that topic).

If you are struggling and want to finish nursing school and become a nurse, you and your family need to all make sacrifices. Otherwise, stay in everyone's comfort zone, relax with your family, and let nursing slip away.

Of course, your kids will see your example.

She's treating you like this because nursing is a very demanding profession. Some people will always have different opinions than yours. You need to choose what your priorities are.

So, you were meeting with a professor because you're struggling with class, and she *gasp!* suggested that you make school your priority?! Outrageous! No, but seriously... IMO, she was giving you good advice - if you're struggling because you're stretching yourself too thin and prioritizing non-school related activities, then it would be logical to suggest that you shift your priorities (temporarily) while in school. I assume you were asking for her advice on how to succeed with school, and she offered you a perfectly reasonable opinion.

As far as introducing religion into the conversation, well, here I think she was out of line. It's none of her business which religion, if any, you are affiliated with, and certainly none of her business to offer her personal opinion about it (assuming she was not asked for her opinion on that topic).

I did not ask for her advice on any of those things I mentioned. I did bad on a test, she said come to my office, and asked me those questions. Also, as I mentioned, school is my priority, but I am not going to put my children lower on my priority list. Never, ever in any situation. As a mother also, I would think she would respect and understand my dilemma. Would you mind keeping the condescending undertones to a minimum? I truly would like honest opinions that can be given in a respectful manner.

She's treating you like this because nursing is a very demanding profession. Some people will always have different opinions than yours. You need to choose what your priorities are.

Did you read my entire post? I have chosen my priorities. I can't have 2 number one priorities. If my child needs me, and it conflicts with school, I choose my child. You are right. People will have different opinions than me, but when my opinion is asked for, and I give it, and then told I'm wrong, what am I supposed to do? I told her I understand where she is coming from, but that being a good mother is something my children will always remember and is what will matter when I look back on my life.

Of course if your child really needs you, you'll be there. I doubt your teacher was implying that you should disregard your children's needs in order to be a nurse.

What I think she probably meant is that you shift the smaller aspects of your priorities...like nursing school should be the priority over taking your kids to a birthday party the weekend before a test, or staying up making cupcakes for a fundraiser when you have clinicals in the morning. Not so much that since you're in nursing school, your kids have to eat popcorn for dinner every night and you need to cancel their doctor's appointments, because you have to study.

It's okay to be selfish sometimes, and it sets a good example for your children to see you working hard to accomplish your goals. Even if they are too young to understand now, they'll be proud of you one day!

It's only two years, hopefully you can enlist the help of your husband, so you kids are getting what they need, even if it isn't from you!

And the Catholic thing...Catholics carrying around a lot of guilt is a stereotype. People usually use the phrase "Catholic guilt" in a tongue-in-cheek type of way. Although it may have been inappropriate, I'm pretty sure she meant it as a joke, not as a genuine inquiry about your religion. I wouldn't read into that too much.

Good luck! Don't get discouraged, just about everyone fails a few tests!

I am a wife and a mother, I agree with your instructor. Nursing school is priority one while I'm here. In doing this my children are learning the value of hard work, dedication, and education. My family has come together as a support system for me. My children have become more responsible. My husband has picked up more than his fair share of responsibility as well. All to make my goal number one. My goal is all of our priority really. It's a really short period of time for me and my needs to be the most important thing in our family. But you know what? I figured out I'd been putting myself second for way too long anyhow. It feels amazing to feel like a priority in my own life, and I plan to keep myself a priority long after nursing school is done. I don't need the world on my shoulders, my needs can come first, I'm not a martyr to my family. Putting nursing school first (translation my wants and needs) taught me that taking care of me isn't selfish, it's actually rather necessary.

Regarding the first part of your query, whether your instructor was out of line in suggesting that your nursing education needed to move up on your priority list: no, she was not out of line. She saw you struggling, she sees that you might not make it....heck, maybe she feels you WILL NOT make it, but believes that you could if you put more time/effort into it. Seems to me if she didn't care about the outcome on your end, there'd be no "come to my office to talk" moment.

You told her that your family was your #1 priority, and that's not unreasonable. It IS unreasonable, however, for you to expect that this response will go over well with an instructor who is making it HER priority to talk with you about how you can improve and whether you'll survive this program.

Everyone makes choices, and you are free to make yours. Just realize that your choice might not result in a good outcome in your coursework. That's simple reality: if you were in law school, you could expect the same conversation. Why should a nursing instructor be more understanding of their curriculum taking a backseat to other things any more than a law professor would?

Regarding the second part of your query, as to whether you were Catholic: I believe she was shooting for a joke ("you seem to carry around a lot of guilt") but it fell flat. No, she shouldn't have 'gone there', but I wouldn't think her evil for saying it. I don't think I would read much into it. And this is coming from a Jew

Your school successes and failures rest with you. In the end, it's YOU who has to get through all of this....or not.

Good luck!