Terms we will not admit to using

I work in Labor and Delivery and we use a term called the positive whiff test....when things don't smell so pleasant in their nether regions!!

SITH sick in the head

they need a BONITA= Big Ole Needle In The A**

Once while getting my ear chewed over the phone by a grumpy internal med doc, I wrote out the initials DSIAA- Dr. Soandso Is An ####### on scrap paper.

MRSA- My Rectum Smells Awful

DHPIA or DDPIA or DSPIA on my personal report sheet means the previous nurse has told me that the son, daughter or husband is a PIA.

This is a fairly common list :::

Most of the definitions on the following lexicon of medical slang appeared

a few years ago in the National Lampoon. Some of the definitions are funny. Most are sick. All are used in respected hospitals.

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BOBBING FOR APPLES: Using the finger to unclog a severely constipated

patient.

F.L.K.: "Funny-looking Kid."

F.L.P.: Parents of an F.L.K.

CRUMP, GORK, VEDGY: A patient requiring intensive care, incapable of

movement, and apparently unaware of his surroundings.

HORRENDOPLASTY: A difficult and time-consuming operation.

BAG, BOX, COOL, STIFFEN, X: To die.

CROCK: Hypochondriac.

MARRIAGEABLE MONSTER: A young female patient who has successfully undergone major plastic surgery.

GOMER: A senile, messy, or highly unpleasant patient.

FASCINOMA: A "fascinating" tumor; any interesting or amusing malignancy.

DROOLER: A catatonic patient.

CUT AND PASTE: To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and

immediately sew him up. Well, almost immediately. Sometimes young

surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.

FOUR F-ER: A gallbladder patient. "Fat, forty-ish, flatulent female."

PINKY CHEATER: Latex finger cover used in gynecological and proctological examinations.

ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.

A HOLE-IN-ONE: A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.

THE "O" SIGN: The letter O as formed by a patient's gaping mouth.

THE "Q" SIGN: A patient giving the O sign with his tongue hanging out.

THE DOTTED Q: The "Q" sign, with a fly on the tongue.

SIDEWALK SOUFFLE: A patient who has fallen from a building.

LOOSE CHANGE: A dangling limb in need of amputation.

BULL IN THE RING: A blocked large intestine.

GONE CAMPING: Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.

EATING IN: Intravenous feeding.

BORDEAUX: Urine with blood in it.

SCRATCH AND SNIFF: A gynecological examination.

ANGEL LUST: A male cadaver with an erection.

HIT AND RUN: The act of operating quickly so as not to be late for another

engagement.

CAPTAIN KANGAROO: Chairman of a pediatrics department.

ROOTERS: Indigents and hangers-on who gather in big-city emergency rooms in order to be entertained by legitimate cases.

SHORT-ORDER-CHEFS: Morgue workers.

LOOP THE LOOP: Flamboyant surgical rearrangement of the intestines.

BUGS IN THE RUG: Pubic lice.

HEY DOCS: Alcoholics handcuffed to wheelchairs in big-city medical wards

who, at the sight of a white coat, bleat out in chorus, "Hey, Doc!"

BLOWN MIND: Gunshot wound to the head.

ICING ON THE CAKE: Lethal tumor discovered in the X-rays of a heart attack victim.

THE GARDEN: Neurosurgical intensive care ward, so called because of the

"vegetables" found there.

BOOGIE, GOOBER: A tumor.

THE DEEP FRY: Cobalt therapy.

ROASTED GOOBER: A tumor after intensive cobalt treatment.

HEALTHY GOOBER: A dead patient.

BURY THE HATCHET: Accidently leaving a surgical instrument inside a patient.

SILVER GOOSE, SILVER STALLION: Proctoscope.

SQUASH: Brain.

GAS PASSER: Anesthesiologist.

CRISPY CRITTER: A patient with severe burns.

Do ya think you passed the NCLEX Roy? I think you did.

You all have heard of them and of course we never actually use any of these terms but somehow they are there and everyone knows them.......

There the "unofficial" abbreviation list

like

FLK Funny Looking Kid

or

Craft syndrome - Can't Remember A Flippin' Thing

PFO - clean version - Potted (Drunk) and Fell Over

AHD - Acute Haloperidol Deficit

Or the pseudomedical jargon for describing patient peculiarities i.e.

Mononeuronis Asynapsis

Acute Pneumoencephalopathy (thanks TeeitupTom)

Acute Hyponicotaemia (busting for a cigarette)

Does anyone know anymore??

Okay can anyone add to this list

hyponicotaemia is a great one, ill have to share that with my smoking coworkers.

AOOB A** out of bed

Here's two I made up years ago

Cephaloendoproctosis Head up the A** and the surgical proceedure to fix it is cephaloendoproctectomy

Doctor I'd like to ***!

"Large Brown Trout",,,GI and ER docs use this one to describe, after viewing a KUB, an impaction someone is going to have to go after (manual disimpaction).

For the E.D Nurses: TTR = Tooth to Tatto Ratio

These are some that one of my docs told me:

Toxic seman backup

Sperm retention H/A (or SRI - Sperm retention irritability)