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Suicidal thoughts every week before first shift

Nurses   (334 Views | 4 Replies)

pinkdoves has 1 years experience and specializes in Pediatrics.

384 Profile Views; 29 Posts

I am a very new nurse. The day before a shift, I get unwanted suicidal thoughts. Don't worry, I would never act on them. They're more just unwanted and intrusive. Every time I finish a shift, I feel better/happier, it's just always the day before that makes me have really bad thoughts. I know this is not normal, but I have to stick out a year before I can switch to a different position. I am even thinking about changing professions because I want to stop thinking these damaging and intrusive thoughts. I really feel like nursing is not for me and I hate thinking about a future of misery...

what should I do? I know my employer offers free 6 time sessions with a mental health professional. other than that, how can I cope with this first year? I just want to stop thinking about hurting myself. And to be clear, I have never had these thoughts before nursing. Nursing has officially ruined my spirit :(

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JadedCPN has 13 years experience as a BSN, RN and specializes in Pediatrics, Pediatric Float, PICU, NICU.

1 Follower; 997 Posts; 8,722 Profile Views

We are not allowed to get medical advice per the terms of service. However, I urge you strongly to get immediate and emergent help in this situation. You need the help of a professional to first keep yourself safe in the immediate future, and secondly help you work through this in the long term.
Many new nurses get anxious and nervous prior to their shift for the first few months as a new grad, but to have suicidal thoughts is not normal as you stated and needs to be addressed immediately.

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pinkdoves has 1 years experience and specializes in Pediatrics.

29 Posts; 384 Profile Views

19 minutes ago, JadedCPN said:

We are not allowed to get medical advice per the terms of service. However, I urge you strongly to get immediate and emergent help in this situation. You need the help of a professional to first keep yourself safe in the immediate future, and secondly help you work through this in the long term.
Many new nurses get anxious and nervous prior to their shift for the first few months as a new grad, but to have suicidal thoughts is not normal as you stated and needs to be addressed immediately.

I really think I need to go on an SSRI which is my biggest fear. I hate taking medications (even multi-vitamins..) You're right. I need help. But I am not voluntarily committing myself and I need to go to work. IDK what to do but cry...plus, I don't have a plan and I would never in a million years attempt. Like I said, they're just thoughts. I just don't understand how everyone else is coping so normally after nursing school while I'm more miserable than ever

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dianah has 45 years experience as a ADN and specializes in Cath Lab/Radiology.

3 Followers; 9 Articles; 2,792 Posts; 69,277 Profile Views

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I really think I need to go on an SSRI which is my biggest fear.

Please don't self-prescribe. Is taking something and feeling better WORSE than the fear and sadness you feel now? It sounds like you are not thinking rationally.

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I hate taking medications (even multi-vitamins..)

You are not alone. Lots of ppl don't like taking meds. Again, though: is taking something and feeling better WORSE than the fear and sadness you feel now?

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You're right. I need help. But I am not voluntarily committing myself and I need to go to work.

No one has asked that you voluntarily commit yourself. And yes you DO need help. If a patient approached you saying the same things you have posted here, what would you tell them?

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IDK what to do but cry...plus, I don't have a plan and I would never in a million years attempt. Like I said, they're just thoughts.

Good you don't have a plan. They are "just thoughts," however they are strongly and adversely affecting your happiness and sense of well-being.

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I just don't understand how everyone else is coping so normally after nursing school while I'm more miserable than ever

Please seek professional help.

Call and talk with someone. Share honestly, as you have here, and the two of you can work out a plan. We want you to be the best you can be.

https://www.psychguides.com/guides/mental-health-hotline/

https://www.samhsa.gov/find-help/national-helpline

Here is the number/link to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

Please seek help today.

We truly care about you.

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brownbook has 35 years experience.

1 Follower; 3,413 Posts; 46,584 Profile Views

In what alternate reality do you live in where you think everyone else is coping normally after nursing school?

Just put something like "new nurse miserable" in the search box. You'll get thousands of hits.

Every time I walked into my first job I thought, "I hope I make a deadly med error tonight and get my license taken away ". It was my way of coping with my utter terror.

I believe you're serious that you won't kill yourself. I think it is similar to me hoping I'd harm or kill a patient. Deep inside we know it's pretend thinking, a way to relieve stress.

I finally realized it's just about impossible to kill a patient giving one wrong IV or pill. A few years later I was nominated for nurse of the year.

PM me if you want to vent.

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