Religious discrimination

So I moved out of a state for supposedly an amazing position. But have had some issues with a coworker. For one I think he's a raging narcissist. He has most of the staff wrapped around his fingers. He's also one of the most important people in our hospital, anesthesia. It's such a rural area that there are only two of them too! The other anesthesia is the exact opposite and I get along very well with him.

When I moved here he was very friendly to me. Giving my family and I things (that I tried to refuse), inviting us over, offering services and doing favors (that I again never asked for). He is the head of his church as well. I felt that we could go and check out his church just to see what it's about. I won't say the religion but it is a bit culty. So after about 5 weeks of going I decided it just wasn't for us.

Stopped going and then all hell broke loose. He has treated me completely different. He can be an ass to everyone, even patients but his attitude and behavior towards me has done a 180. Once, before I stopped going to church, he did tell me not to touch his patient. But that was the only negative/crappy attitude I got from him.

So we had an incident 3 weeks ago and I confronted him on it. He freaked out on me, became very demeaning and confrontational in front of my peers. Then to make matters worse, he lied about what really happened. He now is making things up and happened to bring up these lies in a meeting with my manager. This never came up though during our freak out incident which I find bizarre.

I've gone to my manager, gone to HR, talked to administration and it really seems nothing will happen. I was told today to write out an incident paper and figure out what I want to see from him. I think that this guy just wants to treat me like **** until I finally leave. It's really horrible cuz I've moved states just to come here. I've signed a 2 yr contract. I'd have to pay back some money (not a huge amount) if I left before then. I'm not even sure what to write on this incident report, don't treat me like sh!t would be nice (but in his eyes its okay and I deserve to be talked down to). The other day he screamed at me again because I asked the other nurse with us if I should go get the family. His response was (and I didn't even ask him), "No you need to stay right here" in a very angry and confrontational way.

Im at a loss. I'm miserable and I miss my family and home. I've moved from everything I know to be here. When he comes around I get immediately worried and anxious which is exactly what he wants. I'm afraid to say anything or do anything. So of course this will in turn impact my nursing care and I'm also likely to cause mistakes because of this.

Should I push to take a job at a doctors office? It would suck but I almost don't even care anymore. I just want to feel safe again. The fact that he lied about what happened makes me really worried. I want to keep my license and I know I would be thrown under the buss if something happened. I've been told by an RN whose a great nurse and has worked here for a long time that he can be very vindictive. xxx. The hospital needs him, they don't need me. I've also thought about seeking legal advice even. Possibly getting the help to get out and go somewhere else, learn form this (never go to church with a coworker again). Or maybe I should just stick it out. I'll be fine. I thought about just documenting everything, making sure he knows I won't allow it, and pushing through.

Maybe someone else has had a similar experience. Gotten through it all. Please share any experience. Thanks

This has nothing to do with religion. You got too close to a coworker and had a falling out. It may be better to move on if you're truly miserable. Next time around, be friendly ...but with some distance.

Agree.. I lacked boundaries. But that gives him not right to treat me like garbage. He didn't have good intentions for helping me out which is why boundaries should have been in place. I don't agree that it has nothing to do with religion though. He very well could treat me like this regardless of if I didn't go to church or not, but that fact that he changed once I stopped (I've been here for 4 months now) shows that it very well can be linked.

Agree.. I lacked boundaries. But that gives him not right to treat me like garbage. He didn't have good intentions for helping me out which is why boundaries should have been in place. I don't agree that it has nothing to do with religion though. He very well could treat me like this regardless of if I didn't go to church or not, but that fact that he changed once I stopped (I've been here for 4 months now) shows that it very well can be linked.

I agree you should not be treated this way and I would probably leave if I felt unsafe, or at least actively be searching for a different position. Can you confront him about his behaviour? Maybe with a mediator say, I've noticed xyz behaviour since I stopped attending your church. I don't know if it is related but it makes me feel ...

i also don't get the sense it's religious based, but likely mire of a control issue on his behalf

This may sound cold of me but I rarely see my coworkers socially. I am more than happy to be friendly, text, Facebook but as far as going to dinner, meeting spouses etc I steer clear. I've seen too many people have falling outs due to personal reasons outside of work and it makes work terribly awkward and uncomfortable. Plus I like the separation of work and personal life. You sound like you have a good heart and had good intentions. I'd look to leave this employment and tread carefully next time.

This may sound cold of me but I rarely see my coworkers socially. I am more than happy to be friendly, text, Facebook but as far as going to dinner, meeting spouses etc I steer clear. I've seen too many people have falling outs due to personal reasons outside of work and it makes work terribly awkward and uncomfortable. Plus I like the separation of work and personal life. You sound like you have a good heart and had good intentions. I'd look to leave this employment and tread carefully next time.

I have close work friends/relationships that have been slowly built over the years though. We do have boundaries established and have all honored them. Shoot, we have had our differences at work but once we leave the building, work stays at work and it is all good. You'll find all kinds of different opinions on workplace friendships.

I think that may have been more of the issue in your case (OP). Any of the religious part is secondary to that. Lay low and stay under the radar as you decide what course of action is best for you. You have some good advice from previous posters here so I am not going to repeat it. Hope things work out for you whatever you decide.

This may sound cold of me but I rarely see my coworkers socially. I am more than happy to be friendly, text, Facebook but as far as going to dinner, meeting spouses etc I steer clear. I've seen too many people have falling outs due to personal reasons outside of work and it makes work terribly awkward and uncomfortable. Plus I like the separation of work and personal life. You sound like you have a good heart and had good intentions. I'd look to leave this employment and tread carefully next time.

I had good intentions. I actually usually keep to myself at work. I don't really get close to people there. But this is a new job that moved for. It's an extremely rural area. He actually seemed genuine and like him and his family wanted to help. I've learned a valuable lesson from all this.

Completely unprofessional behavior on his end. It sounds like nothing will be done though so you either need to decide to deal with it or move on.

I would recommend changing your mind frame as well, based on the title of the thread. It's a bit on the sensationalist side.

Changing mine frame would be good. But how should one change their mind frame when they have been humiliated, put down and treated with aggression in the workplace? I'm not going to accept it. Also, he seemed genuine and like he had good intentions. Told my that our relationship didn't depend on if I went to the church or not. A bit strange how once I stopped going things drastically changed outside of work and then inside of work. You don't think that is treating me differently because of my religious views? Sure he didn't just say, I don't like you because you don't believe anymore. I really did think that it would be fine if I stopped going to church, that he would respect my decision. That wasn't the case though. It's not like I gave them bs either, I told them I wasn't all that into it and had my doubts.

This may sound cold of me but I rarely see my coworkers socially. I am more than happy to be friendly, text, Facebook but as far as going to dinner, meeting spouses etc I steer clear. I've seen too many people have falling outs due to personal reasons outside of work and it makes work terribly awkward and uncomfortable. Plus I like the separation of work and personal life. You sound like you have a good heart and had good intentions. I'd look to leave this employment and tread carefully next time.

Heck, I had a set of coworkers I wouldn't even friend on Facebook, and that came on advice of our clinical director who knew how catty they could be. I wound up leaving that location due to them and was much happier with coworkers who knew how to act like adults. LOL