JonathanClouse

I am not a nurse, but I work at a grocery store that just a few blocks down the street from a hospital that doesn't provide cab vouchers for patients released from their emergency room. I am fine with that, as that is the hospital's policy. My worry is that my blood pressure sometimes runs on the low side (I think the lowest I've seen was 93/62), and as such, I have occasionally passed out because of it. So I am making it clear to my coworkers that if I ever accidentally pass out at work, I DO NOT WANT my employer to try and send me to an ER afterwards. Especially on a Sunday evening as the last bus stops running at 9:20, and on a tight budget, I can't always afford a cab. I know in that situation, management might insist that I go just to cover any fears, but if I refuse, what are they gonna do...fire me? In all honesty, I'm too valuable an asset.

Speaking for myself and of my experience, when I was younger, I really believed that I was a MTF Transsexual. I actually even convinced some medical doctors to the point where I had been prescribed Testosterone blockers and Estrogen. It really took years of soul searching for me to finally realize that I was not Trans, but that my feelings originated from when I was 7-8 years old, and my Mom was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. At that time, I seriously thought people only died from cancer, and to cope with her possible death, I began sneaking into her closet and putting on her clothes. Now, thruth be told, I am glad that I came to that realization...because the way I look now, I would have made a REALLY UGLY woman. Again, this is just my life. That being said, I must agree that the best expert on a person's own gender identity is the individual themselves.

I would comment, but I just sneezed. I gotta make a run to the local Level 1 Trauma Center.

I often have to wonder about the "wedmd syndrome". I started having nausea, a headache, and chest pains earlier this week, and you know, when you go and enter those things into the Webmd website, it always gives you the worst possible determination of what it could be. So I took local public transportation to a downtown street corner, then walked about a half mile to the ED.... I didn't want to bother the squad if it wasn't an emergency. Well, cardiac enzymes all normal, chest x-ray normal, ekg was normal, and ccta was practically perfect. Then today, I was looking through info on GERD, and OMG, everything I have been dealing with was listed on the page. Guess I'll have to ask family doctor to increase my Omeprezol. Still, sort of embarrassing for me to have freaked like I did.

I once had a Psychiatrist who started me on Cogentin just in case I developed EPS. After starting it, I began experiencing blurry vision. I informed the doctor who told me that the blurry vision was impossible because "Cogentin has no side effects".

Bed bugs......are you joking?!? They don't even spread any diseases! Now maybe I might have called the squad if I ever get another roach infestation, but that's only because I always fear being kicked out by my landlord for poor cleaning. Gonna try to do some now that my psych symptoms have lessened. Maybe just that bag of apples my neighbor gave to me that I never ate and have been sitting out for the past 3-4 months. But alas, I digress.

Well I transitioned over to TMS as I have had many difficulties in finding reliable rides to and from follow up outpatient ECT. I understand the theory behind how these treatments work, but I have been told in the past that TMS was a weaker effectiveness than ECT. I have been searching for more information comparing thes two treatments, most of the information I have found online has been posted by physicians who perform TMS (so I don't really trust their impartiality) for now I am staying the course, but curiousity is killing the cat. If anyone is aware of any impartial studies I would love to read them.

So my mental health symptoms have been increasing for about the past week, and so after talking it over with my therapist, we agreed that I would try to get an emergency appointment with my outpatient Psychiatrist. But when the nurse triaged me, she told me to go to the Emergency Room...that the only person who could alter my medications was my doctor, and that he was out of the office that day and was booked solid for the next week (the front desk only found an opening on June 20th). So not being suicidal or homicidal, I went to see if my family doctor might be willing to help. But being that my psychiatric history is so complex, she did not feel comfortable in doing anything. So I ended up going to a local Emergency Room where the Social Worker asks me what I expected THEM to do differently for me. Finally, the E.R. Physician allowed me to stay overnight and talk to a Psychiatrist the next morning. So I did, and the Psychiatrist agreed to increase my anti - anxiety medication from a half tablet twice a day to a full tablet twice a day. But she wrote the wrong dosages on the discharge paperwork, and didn't provide me with a new script before I was discharged. So when my home health nurse looked at the paperwork, she stated that she could not give me a full tablet twice a day until the dosages were corrected. And so I went back to the ED, and explained my situation, and was told that the only way they could correct the orders was for me to check in AGAIN! But I, not wanting to bother them attempted to find a way to scrape by until I could get things straightened out on Monday at the mental health center. But I couldn't get a refill of the ORIGINAL prescription, and I couldn't get any urgent care clinics to issue a new prescription. So I went back to the ER, re-explained my situation, and ended up checking back in to get a corrected order. The frustrating part is that while the staff treated me okay when face-to-face, I could overhear them talking about my visit among themselves. I could tell that they were frustrated with me being there, but...I don't know...trying to be proactive and having to go through this extended process, and then being seen as one taking advantage of the ER to resolve everything? So frustrating.

Well, it's been a few good weeks now, and I have to credit my Psychiatrist and therapist. I think she (my therapist) is right when she states that I handle my depressive symptoms well right now, it's just the uncontrolled anxiety that has been leading to my over reliance on hospitals. So I reached out to my Psychiatrist, and he started me on a very low dose of Propanolol in addition to my Neurontin. It's amazing the difference in how I feel right now. My current goals in therapy are to reinforce my anxiety coping skills, to try and pay closer attention to signs of worsening anxiety, and to try and gain some understanding of how my anxiety roller coaster operates. So thank you all for your support, and the work you do daily. I for one appreciate it.

Honestly, it's been a few months since my last hospital stay. Mood has been really flat, finding it hard just to get out of bed, and really glad I made it through the holidays without incident. My therapist is working with me in trying to get a home health aide as it's gotten increasingly harder to keep on top of cleaning my apartment. We will try it and if no luck, then we'll look into a group home. I haven't had any ECT Treatments lately. Just been relying on meds galore. Sigh.

I'm sorry. I just really need to vent. I just can't stand meeting with her. It's so frustrating. I'm at the point where it's answer her questions as quickly with as little information as possible so I can get out of there ASAP. Like she quizzed me today on why I quit looking for a job. Well gee....do you think two month long hospitalizations back to back had something to do with it?!? I just...the mental health center I go to is just so "nurse heavy" as well. Monthly meetings with the team nurse, you meet with a nurse before seeing the psychiatrist, and you have to meet with another nurse after every hospitalization. So verrry frustrating. Okay. I'm done.

As a patient, I have Dependent Personality D/O and I find it extremely difficult to deal with. And I know my treatment providers find it difficult to balance what I need as far as assistance and what might lead to too much dependence on my part

Well finally got a green light to wear some protection. It can be pretty embarrassing waking up from the procedure to find that you accidentally crapped or peed all over yourself, your gown, and the gurney....despite hitting the restroom pre-procedure!

I can certainly understand how hard it is to ask for public assistance. I was once one of the people processing disability claims for SSI and SSDI for my state. I made it 11months out of the 12month probationary period then got fired. I went from processing claims to being on it due to treatment resistant depression. At least now I can use that experience to help my close friends with SSA paperwork.

I don't have any questions about ECT. I was just recommending the book for anyone who does. On a side note, I never realized the movie portrayal of ECT in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest was inaccurate. Muscle relaxants, anesthesia, and continuous oxygenation were in regular use by the early 1950s. As for McMurphy's final vegetative state in the movie, it was a by-product of lobotomy.