Need some advice, or is this just normal?

Posted
by WittySarcasm WittySarcasm, BSN Member Nurse

Specializes in rehab. Has 10 years experience.

So I know that everywhere has problems with rumors and stuff. But I've had several nurses spreading rumors about me. It's gotten to the whole facility and I'm stuck with the after effects. I can tell how far it's gone because now when I suggest something I get some people going "oooook, I'm going to go ask this person too just to be safe." People are second guessing me now.

The problem is, a lot of the stuff that I've been told that I've done has happened either on my day off or on another shift. I don't have proof of any of it as it's all word of mouth. I've just learned to deal with the rumors and pretty much being told that I'm "not a good nurse, that's why I'm doing what someone else should have done years ago."

Anyways it was all ok, I learned to ignore the whispers. But the thing is my boss pulled me aside and told me that first I was once again doing something wrong since I'm the charge nurse and didn't check to see that 7-3 had their stuff done (I'm the 3-11 shift, so it should be the 7-3 charge nurse's job really).

Then after that she proceeded to tell me that people I do trust at work would turn on me in a second and that no one has my back, and that they tell rumors about me too- really bad stuff as she told me about new things that are flying around about me.

So now I'm stuck with the possibility that either 1) this is true and I really can't trust anyone at all, or 2) my boss is lying and really those that I thought I could trust I really can.

I'm stuck I don't know what to do. I obviously can't go to my boss to complain. I've tried to tell my supervisor in the past but it was always brushed off. The nurses who are doing this are the speical chosen ones of the boss. Is this what nurses really are like? Because I remember being told it was a dog eat dog world there but this is stupid! The only thing I can think of is to get a new job, but after all the stuff I put up with here, that has me terrified that I could end up in the same position again or have it even worse; plus I love some of my patients that I have been with for a year now. I'd hate to leave them!

nola1202

nola1202

587 Posts

Oh boy, I am so sorry this is what Nursing is like for you. Someone is doing something, I'm just not sure what. I can tell you that your boss has horrible judgement and boundries telling you that others are "out to get you" I wonder if her motivation is jealousy or manipulation. My advice is to trust your gut.

If you trusted someone before don't second guess it unless there is good reason. I also would ask for help from those you do trust in confronting rumors and unkind comments. Sometimes all it takes is a gentle. "was that really

necessary?" or "that's a little harsh." to cool off the comments.

You deserve better, it's ok to stand up for yourself quietly and calmly. In my past I had to go to almost everyone on my unit and say. There is talk going around that I did so and so to such and such. I just want you to know it's not true and it is very hurtful to me...I'd like to ask you to let others know if it comes up that it isn't true. I was amazed at how fast the rumors died and the wave of support that came my way. People will do the right thing most of the time. good luck. worse comes to worse, look for a new job. Not all nurses and units are like yours.

GHGoonette, BSN, RN

Specializes in PACU, OR. 1,249 Posts

When you come on duty go through the previous shift's documentation with a fine-toothed comb; preferably before the charge nurse leaves. Write up everything you find wasn't done.

If you are being blamed for things that happened when you were off-duty, put it down in writing and submit it to the facility's management. Keep a copy for yourself.

There are legal routes you can go down to clear your good name. Rumors are vicious things that can ruin your reputation, but slander is slander and libel is libel. You can tell your boss that's you're not going to tolerate any more lies being spread about you, and will be seeking legal advice. See how it goes down with her.

nerdtonurse?

nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN

Specializes in ICU, Telemetry. 3 Articles; 2,043 Posts

Document, document, document. And if they're leaving you a mess to trap you, write them up first.

But, really, if you have the option to go somewhere else, I'd take it. Why be miserable? Life's too short.

DixieRedHead

DixieRedHead, ASN, RN

Specializes in ED/ICU/TELEMETRY/LTC. Has 20 years experience. 638 Posts

OK, take this from a very experienced nurse. The only person you can trust is me, and I urge you not to do that.

Seriously though, I suggest that first, you do walking report with your 7-3 charge on all "sick" residents. I cannot tell you how many times I have come in at 7 o'clock and found someone who "had a low sat and wheezes but cleared right up after a neb tx" and found the person wheezing like a freight train, sat of 78, blue nail beds, circling the drain, and 02 at 1 lt/min.

And if you hear the specifics of who said what, call them on it. And I mean "I heard you said.......? Did you say it?" "Why". And learn from your experience.

It is always true that anyone and I mean anyone will throw you under the bus to save their own skin.

GimiRN

GimiRN

54 Posts

So I know that everywhere has problems with rumors and stuff. But I've had several nurses spreading rumors about me. It's gotten to the whole facility and I'm stuck with the after effects. I can tell how far it's gone because now when I suggest something I get some people going "oooook, I'm going to go ask this person too just to be safe." People are second guessing me now.

The problem is, a lot of the stuff that I've been told that I've done has happened either on my day off or on another shift. I don't have proof of any of it as it's all word of mouth. I've just learned to deal with the rumors and pretty much being told that I'm "not a good nurse, that's why I'm doing what someone else should have done years ago."

Anyways it was all ok, I learned to ignore the whispers. But the thing is my boss pulled me aside and told me that first I was once again doing something wrong since I'm the charge nurse and didn't check to see that 7-3 had their stuff done (I'm the 3-11 shift, so it should be the 7-3 charge nurse's job really).

Then after that she proceeded to tell me that people I do trust at work would turn on me in a second and that no one has my back, and that they tell rumors about me too- really bad stuff as she told me about new things that are flying around about me.

So now I'm stuck with the possibility that either 1) this is true and I really can't trust anyone at all, or 2) my boss is lying and really those that I thought I could trust I really can.

I'm stuck I don't know what to do. I obviously can't go to my boss to complain. I've tried to tell my supervisor in the past but it was always brushed off. The nurses who are doing this are the speical chosen ones of the boss. Is this what nurses really are like? Because I remember being told it was a dog eat dog world there but this is stupid! The only thing I can think of is to get a new job, but after all the stuff I put up with here, that has me terrified that I could end up in the same position again or have it even worse; plus I love some of my patients that I have been with for a year now. I'd hate to leave them!

Over the years, I've come to the conclusion that you really shouldn't put all your trust in anyone at work. I'm likable and usually make it a point to get along with everyone I work with, for the sake of unity. And there have been many people I genuinely like. But to trust them 100%? Never. I've been burned a time or two, and I have also seen it happen to others. So I save my love and trust for my family and close friends...outside of the workplace.

Now as far as the rumors go, you mentioned that you tried talking to your supervisor and can't talk to your boss (two different people I assume). Well I really think it's time you stood up for yourself. I don't mean that in a rude way. But you need to request a meeting with both of them to let them know you are serious.

Let them know that you have tried ignoring the rumors, but they are getting out of control. Tell them that you are now being treated differently and it is starting to affect you. And let them know that you would like to handle it at the lowest level possible, without having to take it higher. See if they can offer ideas or maybe request for another meeting with the them and the guilty parties involved.

I'm sure your facility has a policy in place about how they would handle a situation like this (rumors, bullying, defamation, slander, whatever). Your boss and the HR department should have it. If no such policy exists, then they need to give you guidance to help get this resolved.

Though I will admit, it kind of sound like your boss is part of the problem and possibly engaging in the rumor mill. But if you let her know you mean business, and would take it higher if it isn't addressed/handled by her, maybe she will put her foot down with the others.

I know we all need our jobs. But you shouldn't have to tolerate this type of environment. If it were me I would definitely speak up for myself. Whatever you decide to do, please don't just sit there and continue to take it. :twocents:

ETA~ I also agree with what Dixie and the others said above (I posted before I read everything). And remember to document everything. You need to CYA. :)

Edited by GimiRN

sweetnurse63

sweetnurse63, BSN, RN

Specializes in LTC, Med-Surge, Ortho. Has 7 years experience. 202 Posts

So I know that everywhere has problems with rumors and stuff. But I've had several nurses spreading rumors about me. It's gotten to the whole facility and I'm stuck with the after effects. I can tell how far it's gone because now when I suggest something I get some people going "oooook, I'm going to go ask this person too just to be safe." People are second guessing me now.

The problem is, a lot of the stuff that I've been told that I've done has happened either on my day off or on another shift. I don't have proof of any of it as it's all word of mouth. I've just learned to deal with the rumors and pretty much being told that I'm "not a good nurse, that's why I'm doing what someone else should have done years ago."

Anyways it was all ok, I learned to ignore the whispers. But the thing is my boss pulled me aside and told me that first I was once again doing something wrong since I'm the charge nurse and didn't check to see that 7-3 had their stuff done (I'm the 3-11 shift, so it should be the 7-3 charge nurse's job really).

Then after that she proceeded to tell me that people I do trust at work would turn on me in a second and that no one has my back, and that they tell rumors about me too- really bad stuff as she told me about new things that are flying around about me.

So now I'm stuck with the possibility that either 1) this is true and I really can't trust anyone at all, or 2) my boss is lying and really those that I thought I could trust I really can.

I'm stuck I don't know what to do. I obviously can't go to my boss to complain. I've tried to tell my supervisor in the past but it was always brushed off. The nurses who are doing this are the speical chosen ones of the boss. Is this what nurses really are like? Because I remember being told it was a dog eat dog world there but this is stupid! The only thing I can think of is to get a new job, but after all the stuff I put up with here, that has me terrified that I could end up in the same position again or have it even worse; plus I love some of my patients that I have been with for a year now. I'd hate to leave them!

Nursing is already too stressful to be putting up with this childish nonsense. Also your boss is promoting negativity by telling you negative things that co-workers have said. I have always told my children that if you don't have anything positive to tell someone don't say anything at all. It is nothing worrse than already feeling down or stressed and here comes someone telling you that someone said this or that about you. I have been there and it does not feel good. I recently told a nurse co-worker that I did not want to hear anything negative with all due respect. It is ashame that a lot of nurses treat each other like crap. Where is the compassion? Where is the teamwork and boosting each others morale. The bullying and backbiting needs to stop. I am willing to bet that you have co-workers who are jealous of you or intimidated by you; maybe they see somehting in you that they wish they had. Hang in there.:nurse:

46oldnewrn

46oldnewrn

Specializes in LTC. Has 4 years experience. 59 Posts

Ughhh sounds like you are in a snake pit, Run like double hockey sticks!! Things will obviously NEVER get better there.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN

Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma. Has 42 years experience. 4 Articles; 20,908 Posts

I think your boss is giving you code for...."They are trying to get you fired"....."Look for another job". AND unfortunately your manager is facillitating lateral violence in nursing. You have obviously have threatened someone, by being better or brighter, and they have made it their mission to dump on you as much as possible. Unfortunately lateral violence is prevalent in nursing and one would think that such educated professionals would know better how to behave.

http://www.nursingworld.org/mods/mod440/lateralfull.htm

Have your boss view this informative presentaion of lateral workplace violence in nursing.......http://youtu.be/rLgEf4wUoos

There is no reason to work under these conditions. There are better places to work. It is ALWAYS easier to get another job when you already have a job.....I'd start looking to got out from that hostile enviorment.

samirish

samirish

198 Posts

Trust NO ONE and look for another job.

Ruby Vee, BSN

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching. Has 40 years experience. 67 Articles; 14,008 Posts

i agree with the advice not to trust anyone at work 100% -- they're your co-workers, not your friends. (unless, of course, you marry a co-worker as i did, and then you can trust them about as much as you'd trust your spouse.) as far as the rumors go, have you tried confronting them? calmly and politely say "i heard you said i consort with goats" (or whatever it is the rumor was). "i'd just like you to know that it's only one goat." or whatever.

as long as you do your job and document, document, document it really shouldn't matter what the rumors say about you. i've heard some pretty wild rumors about myself. it's always fun when you can correct a really bizarre rumor. "i've heard the rumor that i'm sleeping with mac. i'd just like you to know that it's completely true, it's a lot of fun and i'm going to do it again just as soon as possible." funny, but after that, the rumor mill pretty much left me alone.

WittySarcasm

WittySarcasm, BSN

Specializes in rehab. Has 10 years experience. 152 Posts

Wow there were a lot of comments.

Anyways I just wanted to tell everyone thank you for commenting! I've read them all, thought about them and am going to try to follow them the best I can. Tonight, after I get home from work, I'm going to look around and see what else is out there. Also I always keep that barrier between me and my co-workers so I'm keeping that up. Also as I hear them come back up again I'll try to confront the ones that I can. But I do make sure to document, some nurses have commented that I do too much documenting but I make sure I always cover my butt.