How to forgive yourself

Been there several times but came out. Am a Christian and voicing my frustration to God helped me all the times, I focus on the unfailing love of the father for me and whatever I have done if it can be corrected I go correct it and if not I soak myself into God words and prayer to liberate me from the anger and sadness.

And usually if it's my spouse am angry about I shift my gaze on God who has the first place in my heart and just enjoy my fellowship with him and then speak to my spouse about the problem.

It may not be as perfect as I have written here but my dependency on the Holy Spirit gets me out of sadness, anger and depression.

Be strong and probably take time to relax, go shopping if you like or treat yourself to a nice dinner at a restaurant. Love you!

And you can change your name, words are powerful. Begin to write down the version of yourself that you want and call yourself a new name.

Sweetbeth said:

And you can change your name, words are powerful. Begin to write down the version of yourself that you want and call yourself a new name.

thank you for your kind words

I agree with beth- a name change might be in order-

I can tell you that those cycles haven't gone away yet, but the empowered can last for months, the regret can last for days/weeks

Now it mostly has to do with the disbelief that I could have been so far gone that I was doing things outside of my character. I haven't figured it out yet, but I am sure I will get better at it. Radical self acceptance might help.

This site will not let me private message you back. If you still need my help, email me. I have lived thru hell and have come back out the other side. [email protected] ChristiRN

Ohhh yes. I spent several years hanging my head and damning myself. I felt like a man without a country. I went back to school, got an additional degree and attempted to start over in a related field without much success. I gradually figured out that it was a self fulfilling prophecy, and that I might have a better chance of living a decent life at some point if I recreated myself. I had to forgive myself to do that. Forgiveness for me was a process of learning and relearning. Meditation and journalling worked, treating myself well and learning new things were the key. Gradually, slowly, I stopped punishing myself and drawing people in my life that reflected this. Then the idea that maybe, just maybe, I could come back to nursing surfaced. Little by little the pieces began to fall into place that made this possible. I now no longer punish myself or regret the past. Now I'm all about today, making the best of each moment of it; and I actually look forward to the future. Now I know that future doesn't have to be a crap shoot or waiting to see what shoe was going to fall next. I can influence the future by making choices that are conducive to how I want that future to be.

For me, to be forgiving of myself I have to understand and face resentment. Failure to do so sends me back into alcohol abuse every time. Resentment is like a festering wound, won't heal until you flush it out and give it time to heal (sometime you flush it out over and over). Then leave it in the past, and move on. NOT easy, old scars itch but you don't have to scratch'em back open. Resentment / Negativity has a way of creeping into our thoughts and actions daily. As I meditate each morning or (quiet refection), I set mindful intention to keep my thoughts positive, so my body can do actions that are constructive, and my words will be kind, compassionate, and encouraging. Not a magic pill fix all, but helps me ...Peace...

You have to get to the core, these feelings are symptoms of an underlying cause. Do you feel guilty about something? Are you unhappy about something specific? My facility has an employee assistance program that you can call for free to talk and express your feelings with a counselor if you need. I have used it, very therapeutic to talk to someone, just to put a voice to your feelings help, for me, the more I talk to others about how I am feeling the better I feel. Hope this helps. Don't forget, you are a part of a great big family, NURSES!

I also still have not forgiven myself and continue to feel horrible guilt and shame from what I've done and how it has hurt those closest to me. So, you are far from the only one to feel this way. I think the fact that you're feelings fluctuate is a good sign, that you are not stuck in a rut of depression from which you cannot escape.

I don't want to sound cliche' or typical because I know it certainly isn't for everybody, but God and religion has really been a huge help for me. I have joined a new church, with an awesome pastor who is not judgmental whatsoever. This was a huge issue for the pastor at the church I grew up at & my extended family attends. Just leaving that church was very difficult but I am so glad I did at this time. I have benefited immensely from my new pastor. We meet regularly for counseling 1-2 times a month. Although I am working on forgiving my mistakes, my pastor continues to cite scriptures for me, demonstrating the forgiveness of God and that by us continuing to beat ourselves up when God has granted forgiveness, we are sort of being rude and not fully taking God for his awesome power. (Or something along those lines, if that makes sense.)

Although some of the monitoring programs are not desirable and some may be corrupt or questionable, I feel that the group support meetings are a wonderful way to know you are far from the only one. Similarly with AN and this forum. I find it difficult to talk about this type of thing, with family or freinds that have not been in the same position , thus these outlets are very beneficial.

To me personally, music has always been vital to my life, in general and I find myself using music to uplift my feelings constantly, much more so than before all this mess I made. I've always felt this way about music and it certainly is not letting me down with everything going on right now in my life.

A wonderful song (beautiful melody & lyrics so fitting) is

Just a few others, in some ways the lyrcisare applicable, but they are all just amazingly beautiful works of art & deserve to be heard by all.

"Hold on" Tom Watts

"Hallelujah" Leonard Cohen

"November Rain" Guns N Roses

(I love the song and while not quite fitting to this type of situation, towards the end of the lyrical section "So never mind the darkness we still can find a way. And nothing lasts forever even cold November Rain.")

Sorry if I wasn't able to help at all, but I also agree with others, it's time for a new name. You can still have regrets (who doesn't?) but from here it's up & onward. :-)

Agree with others who recommend changing your name, words are powerful!

i assume you are newly sober? Putting the drink/drug down is actually the easy part- working through all the crap that took you to drinking and drugging is how you STAY sober! I was all over the place when I first got sober, to be expected, we numb ourselves for so long! Not to mention just how imbalanced our brain chemistry is in the beginning....

It takes a lot of time and hard work. Be kind and patient with yourself- it doesn't come over night. Get a sponsor, do the steps, talk to other alcoholics/addicts. I love one on one counseling. I feel safe to speak about personal things I don't want the whole world to know about there.

I was told I gotta get in there and rip open all those scars that healed so badly because I took care of the wounds so poorly. Work through em and in the end, I will still have the scar but it won't be so gnarly. I thought the person who told me this was crazy!! But they were right...

And that resentment thing another poster talked about, yes, THAT! Resentment is baaaaad for us!

Hang in there, don't be so hard on yourself and take it day by day. Us addicts love a quick fix! Sending cyber hug!