Heartbroken

Published

Specializes in Rehab.

I'm not sure if this is a rant, or a plea for help, or just my way of thinking this situation out.

I've been married for 13 months. For the first 6 months, my dh and I worked at the same facility, on the same shift, the same days. We had so much time together. It was wonderful.... he's a wonderful wonderful man.

Well, in August of last year, my dh and I moved 5 hours away from our wondeful life to take care of my elderly grandmother - a decision I don't regret for a minute.

So, when we got down here, we found jobs at the same facility. Here's the problem. He works M-F 8-4. I work 3-11 rotating weekends. We never ever ever get to see each other. When we first came, I expressed to the DON that I definitely wanted to be on either day or noc shift... whichever came first. So, I've been waiting and waiting. Every now and then (probably every 2-3 weeks), I touch base with the DON and see if anything has opened up. Well, in this last 6 months, 2 nurses were hired for day shift, and 1 nurse was hired for nocs. Coincidentally, all three have quit because they didn't like it, but that's off topic. Anyway, they told me that they couldn't change my schedule because they couldn't get somone else to work afternoons. I feel like I've been SO patient and am just getting the run around. Yesterday my DON called me and told me that she had a full-time noc shift opening up. I would start next week. So, I enrolled for a class at the college, I told my whole family, I was so excited. Today, my DON called me back and said that she changed her mind and gave that position to someone else who apparently had asked before me. I don't know how that's possible when I've been asking for 6 months and when the position was previously posted they had to hire from outside the facility. I'm just stunned. I'm so heartbroken. Why would she do that to me... after I've been waiting so long?

The logical response is to look for a job somewhere else. But, here's the thing. I really love it here. I love my co-workers. I love my patients. I love the management. The pay is the best in the area. If I go somewhere else, I'm looking at $5.00 pay cut. Plus, it's one block away from my house. In a large metro area, that's a big deal.

Please, what should I do? I know it sounds silly, but I burst into tears as soon as I got home. Unfortunately, my dh was already asleep, as he usually is when I get off work. I don'tkow what to do.

Help!!

Crystal

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in nursery, L and D.

I'm sorry your having such a rough time. This is what I think you should do. Tell your DON that if a position isn't available within a certain amt of time, you will have to make other arrangements. Be prepared to follow through, but I am thinking it won't be necessary. Looks like theres a pretty high turn over where you are, I'm betting she won't want to lose you. But if she does, you will have to decide if a day/night shift somewhere else is worth the pay cut and transportation issues to be able to see your dh. It wouldn't be for me, but thats another story:chuckle Anyway, I hope you find the answer you are looking for!:icon_hug: This too shall pass!

Up Vote Up Vote ×

You need to decide how important the reasons are to leave your current position.....is staying on 3-11 worth the unhappiness you're feeling? If not, then you need to accept that this place you love isn't really the right place for you. If the love you feel for the job itself is worth the unhappiness of staying on the shift you have, then stay there and accept it. YOU are in control of your own life. Make your decision, then make the best of whichever one you make.

That said, if my boss treated me like yours is treating you, I would be looking for another job. Not necessarily at another facility, but definitely in another department. If my boss does not care enough about me as an employee to keep her promises, then she's not good enough for me.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Tell your DON that you will have go to another hospital soon (give a specific time period) if she can't put you on the shift you need to be on. Remind of your problem and tell her how much you enjoy working there and that you don't really want to look at other hospitals. It might even be a good idea to bring something in writing stating that you are giving your notice as of the date you spoke with her in case she says no to you up front. This would emphasize exactly how serious you are. Although it would probably be a good idea to start looking at other hospitals first if you want to do this or think she'll say no right away. I know that you really like your hospital but there may be other hospitals near you that are good places and will work with you in regards to when you need to work. Don't be afraid to look around!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Government.

OP: I know in your eyes this has been going on forever but as I read it, not a lot of time has passed. Maybe in the eyes of your DON it hasn't been either.

You may want to fill him/her in on your time frame expectations. The DON may not understand your urgency given the short amount of time you've worked there.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Rehab.

Maybe my expectations are off.

In my opinion, I don't think it's fair to promise someone "it will be a couple weeks" and 6 months later, still not fulfill the promise. If I'm being unrealistic, tell me. I'm new at this. But, in my heart, I feel blown off. Plus, what's with hiring 3 new people on the shift I want? I guess the whole situation sounds fishy. I definitely wouldn't feel this way if she hadn't continued to promise me just a few more weeks.

Please call me on it if I'm being unreasonable. I'm really trying not to be. I'm just getting tired.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in pedi, pedi psych,dd, school ,home health.

Sounds like you are just frustrated with the lack of time you get with dh. I would definitely speak to the DON, and re-explain your situation. Request some time off maybe; even a weekend, where you and dh can spend some quality time... then it may change your perspective a little. my dh and i worked opposite shifts for years when our kids were young , as many families do, and it was frustrating at times but it did work . Good luck!!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Med-Surg.

I'm sorry. What a dreadful thing to offer a job and snacth it right back up.

You're just going to have to take the DON at her word that someone's been waiting longer than you and accept it.

Good luck with whatever you decide.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Sorry that things did not work out like you expected. I guess that you have to decide whether you love the job or the hubby more. I worked like that for about 8 months. My husband worked M-F evening shift et I worked M-F day shift. Did not work out for us so I had to get a different job. Good luck in what you decide.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

mu dtr worked 12 hr night her husband 12 day but ususally on rotatating shifts..they did this for a long while while their children where little to keep babysitte needs at a mimimum

however she went to days as they got older

babis thin you have to do what is best for your family...you can find another job, maybe return to this one at a later point..times you miss with your husband can never be recaptured

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Rehab.

I know a lot of people have to work off shifts for daycare purposes. I feel so bad for those people. But, here's the thing... we don't have any kids. I got another job offer today. It's at a really small facility about 15 minutes away. The pay is almost the same, but the benefits are better. It's a 12 hour day shift. So, I think this will work for us. It breaks my heart to leave, I really do love my job. But, my family has and always will come absolutely first. I need a job that is working for me as much as I am working for them.

Thanks everyone for the kind words and support!

Blessings

Crystal

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in ER.

Can you resign and still be per diem? When the next day/night position opens you'll be available, and until then you have some more control over the shifts you have to work. You'll also make a point with the DON that she will lose you if they don't soon fufill their promises.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion