your very first patient death.....

If only all patients could have the privilege of having a nurse like you at their time of death. I had my first death mere weeks after graduating nursing school. And I still remember everything. Luckily I don't see death too often but it still bothers me every time. Like you, I do not have any issues with death and dying. I think it helps to realize we all must meet our end some time and that is beyond our control. As nurses we there to care and comfort, not decide the end. (((Hugs))) to you. Sounds like you handle it wonderfully.

Mine was my very first pt, the day we started clinicals. 10 days post -abd surgery ( yeah, it's been a while ), due to be discharged in a couple of days. Right after I went in to meet him, he got up, amb to the BR , and threw an embolus while sitting on the toilet. After all this time, I remember it like yesterday.

wow, i think i would have lost my mind if that happened to me in nursing school. the stress level is already through the roof to begin with....

Mine was my first patient on my first day off orientation. Pt was only in her 50's but a train wreck, ESRD, 3 valve endocarditis, DM on and on. Not compliant ever except when hospitialized.

Full code, everything that could go wrong did including the wheel breaking off on the crash cart. They are heavy and very hard to move when a wheel is missing. lol

However, it was okay. It was hard multitasking that day though as it seemed like there was a ton to do after.

I was sad for her family but TOD was 8:20 and I had not had her before so I hadnt established a relationship yet.

I left that experience wanting ACLS ASAP. I go in September. :)

I had 2 other pt go critical and look like they were going to code. I had very strong feelings before it happened so I did not want to leave them. Those were hard as I really wondered if I could have done something more - but I could not have. Honestly without that instinct of wanting to guard them and assess over and over cause I just knew it, it could have been worse.

She was a severe coper and I watched her deteriorate. To this day, I cannot forget her air hunger even when we tried our best to lessen her discomfort. Ugh, I wish I knew then all the stuff I knew now. I don't think I could've done any different (I was a new nurse but there were many experienced nurses around me).......but still......

My first was a PNA who was doing well with orders to D/C Tele, so he was waiting to transfer to a Med/Surg room. I had suctioned with yankaur earlier for secretions at pt's request (I'm not squeamish with phlegm), sats were low 90's on 3L, he was talking with family and they left so he could rest. OK, I get busy with EOS stuff, red lining charts, 1800 meds and I look in at him from my med cart and he's sleeping but didn't look right. IV is still running. I Went to bedside, tried to arouse him, feel for pulse (is it my pulse I feel?), whip out stethoscope and listen for heartbeat (is that my heartbeat I hear in my ears?), I see charge RN and wave her in. OMG, CODE BLUE, pt non-responsive. I was fine with the death and code until the Son came around the corner later and grabbed me in a big bear HUG to say thanks for all I did during the day for pt while they were there. I'll never forget that.

Her name was Florence. She had been with us for over a year, and started a rapid decline a few months prior. Required O2, but would get very agitated and would refuse to keep it on. Started falling a lot, blood sugars out of control, dramatic highs to dramatic lows. Her family finally agreed to put her on hospice, and we were able to medicate her to comfort. She was such a dear sweet lady, her children adored her. Alzheimer's is a horrible, cruel disease. The night she passed away, she had not gotten up or eaten in more than 48 hours. We had been doing oral cares, keeping her lips moist, and repositioning her every two hours. When I checked on her, I wasn't sure she'd make it through the shift, but never expected her to go an hour into the shift. I had just checked on her and the CNA came and got me a few minutes later...she had passed while the CNA was doing her cares.

The hardest part was calling her family, I cried when I told them. I ended up having to tell them over the phone--which is not uncommon in LTC. But I still felt horrible. A few minutes later, an aid came running down the hall to tell me a family member had arrived. I went into the room where we had the curtain pulled around her to offer a little privacy from her room mate. This family member hadn't gotten the call yet...I offered to continue to call family but they told me they would handle it. So I had the unpleasant job of telling this woman's son that she had passed away about 10 minutes prior. He had no idea she was gone!

There have been several since then, but I always try to remember a poster that I once saw. It's the profile of a woman, starting from when she's a child until she's an old woman. The caption reads "The sun setting is no less beautiful than the sun rising."

my first was the very first day I ever worked in a hospital I was a tech, I worked 3-11 and she died around 7 pm I even remember her name and it was 1974. The one thing I remember the most since it was the very first person I had ever seen die was how nondramatic it was. I was taught how to do CPR on her. It was over sooooo fast. For some reason I thought that dying was a big production, with lots of drama. Now I have seen some mighty dramatic episodes since then. I was flabbergasted to see how quiet and normal it really was.

Unfortunately my first death was dramatic. I was a nurse aide, just started and only 18. One of the RNs called me into a patient's room (not one of mine) saying he wasn't feeling well and she wanted me to stay with him till she got back. This man was in his 50's and just nauseated, so I thought nothing of it. He and I talked for a little bit, then he started to throw up again. It turned pink, then bloodier, then it was like someone had turned the tap on full - the blood was pouring out. Just then the RN got back and called the code. I was left to deal with a bath basin three-quarters full of blood. Needless to say, he didn't make it and an hour later I got to shroud my first patient. Overwhelming doesn't cover it!

When I was a nurse's aide while in nursing school I recall helping to bag or do post-mortum care on countless patients. However, I don't recall any of them being assigned to me (I might be wrong, but for some reason, that sounds right). I was always eagar to help and got plenty of experience.

Now, as a nurse in pediatrics, I have had the misfortune of saying "good-bye" to some of my chronic patients that have gone on. However, all of them have either died at home or in the PICU. I have only seen one child die on the floor (and it was an all hell break lose code!), but the child wasn't mine.

In some ways, though, the hardest death I've had to deal with was when one of my peds teens died from CF. He was 18, and had, on and off, spent over 150 days in the hospital, so I got to know him quiet well. I still think about how he kept talking, days up until his death, about getting his driver's lisence and how he hoped to go fishing that summer. Even though he was in the PICU, I was there with his family when he died, he grandparents told me how much I meant to him, and how they were greatful he had a friend like me. It is an experience I hope not to experience again anytime soon. (My signiature is a tribute to him )

mine happened just a couple weeks ago:(

i am a nursing student, going into my 2nd year... and working as an aide at an assisted living facility.

i took care of the sweetest and kindest man. i thought he was about 75, but turned out he was 95! he was in fairly good shape when i first started working, but started declining. He was in total kidney failure and I am assuming the family decided to let him go instead of dialysis or something. He seemed a little depressed and told me on numerous occasions that he just wanted to die. I mainly got him dressed, put to bed, showered, etc. He never forgot to thank me and told me how wonderful i was and i was the best aide there...which meant so much to me. i got on my shift about 10am and the previous aide told me he didnt eat breakfast, and i would need to make him come to lunch. I went to his room about 11 and told him I'd help him start getting ready. He told me he couldnt come and just wanted to lay down and he was very cold (it had to have been 85 degrees in the room, it was so hot in there). I was giving him a hard time...it figures, the last discussion i had with him i then slowly shut the door and left as he laid in bed with the covers on. The nurse went down about an hour later and he was not breathing. I ran down to see the nurse giving him cpr. The rescue squad came and did cpr for about 20 min, but he was gone. I had only known him for a couple months, but it was still hard. He was just one of the most appreciative and kindest people there and I wish I had told him what a nice man he was more than the couple times i did I know he is in a better place now.

My first one was very rough. I was working as a CNA doing home care for HIV pts. I arrived at a patients house within minutes of his committing suicide by shotgun. I entered the house with my key and searched for the pt. There was a faint smell that reminded me of hamburger (sorry that's the closest I could come). I the last place left to look was the shower of the upstairs bathroom. He was there (what was left). I knew it was very recent by the odor and color of the blood and the lack of any clotting or drying. It was a traumatic sight, it looked like a v-neck sweater with nothing above the v, everything else was completely disintegrated. On top of it all there was no phone working in the house and I had to run to a payphone to call 911. The responding police officers stopped the other police officers from going in...

I also had a pt pass while working in a nursing home. Right at end of shift the LPN was doing med pass and I was doing last round. I was right behind her in this pts room. I was struck by the coldness of her skin.

My first witnessed death was just few weeks ago towards the end of my senior leadership experience in the ICU. It was one of two pts assigned to me at begining of shift, then my other pt was reassigned due to the increasing level of care needed for this pt. My preceptor was adjusting a drip to get her BP up and I was on the other side of the bed. I looked up at the monitor and watched her HR go from the 50s to the 40s. I told my preceptor she was bradying down, she looked up and said check her pulse, it was not palpable. I started compressions my preceptor called for the crash cart and we proceeded to run a full code, twice. The family was present and agreed to have us stop when the second resusucitation attempt was not acheiving results after 20 mins. We had gotten a pulse back and with all the drugs it took another 30-45 mins for her ECG to flatline. It was strange to me that even as I closed the bag I still considered her my patient.