Dealing With Passive Aggression

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

How do you handle passive aggression? I find it so annoying to deal with because the person is usually dismissive of my annoyance, which then compounds the issue (for me, anyway).

I'll give you an example of something that happened, not in a hospital but in a work setting, but something like this could easily happen in a hospital. I'll say what I did....but "what would you do?" (I feel like John Quiñones say that! LOL!)

So - I used to manage a department in a store. I was hardly ever in my department because I was always given other tasks/jobs. Anyway - I went on vacation. On my return, the store manager had allowed one of the passive aggressive people to change things around in my department. Not only had he allowed it, but he'd given her the time to do it. Plus, I found out, she'd spent 4-5 hours off the clock working in it.

I had left for vacation just after a major re-model of the entire dept, so of course it is a

mess. So this other worker says to me, "oh when you left I had to work

your dept on delivery day and it was a complete mess. The next week this

other person worked it, and she did a "beeeeeeeautiful job".

So I said, "What do you mean by that?" and she said "Oh nothing". So I took it into

the office and said, "do you understand why what you just said would upset

me?", well, she just shrugged her shoulders and said, "I didn't mean anything by it". Yeah, right-oh, totally loaded statement.

Then she walks out saying "He's (the store manager) got me coming up behind you to pick up the mess".

So, I blame all 3 of them - the 2 P.A. employees and the manager for buying into the game. I've looked very carefully at my role in this, and I have my suspicions as to why they were like this, but it's nothing I actually did. I think they found out I was on a higher wage for one thing.

But - that's really by-the-by - my main question is - how do you confront such behavior? Especially if you feel it truly isn't warranted.

As you can see, I did confront it, and was met with a dismissive shrug and a sarcastic comment as she walked off...agh!

[Emergent, RN]

Deflate their tires and key their car? Out of sight of security cameras, naturally...

[amoLucia]

Emergent - are you a fan of Carrie Underwood? She has a song to match your comment.

[Davey Do]

I'd have a Come to Jesus Meeting with them.

Out of sight of security cameras, naturally

Naturally.

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

I'd have a Come to Jesus Meeting with them.

Naturally.

What is that???

[Mulan]

I'd completely ignore it.

She's trying to get a rise out of you, don't give her the satisfaction.

Just give her a laugh.

[Davey Do]

What is that???

Gospel truth.

[TriciaJ, RN]

I'm not sure what about the above interaction qualifies as "passive aggressive". Sounds like some rather immature store employees trying to get a rise out of one another. "Passive aggression" is when you show your hostility by what you DON'T do. Like agreeing to do something and just not doing it. Arriving late for something, or being a no-show no-call. Refusing to speak up when something isn't right and just being sullen and pouty. Not sharing a piece of information that is of importance to the other person. Failing to warn someone of impending danger when you notice it and they don't.

It's passivity used in a way that hurts others. Unless I'm missing something in the original post. I've lately seen the term "passive aggressive" being used to describe any negative interaction, which is erroneous.

[kiszi, RN]

I would have said something like, "yeah, the department really was a mess after the remodel! Its awesome that you guys stepped up and took care of business! Great job!" But then I am one to avoid confrontation whenever possible.

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

Great ideas - I guess I need to work on my visceral reaction, which is a feeling of fury (although I don't show it). I wish I could let comments like this just slide off my back....

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

I'm not sure what about the above interaction qualifies as "passive aggressive". Sounds like some rather immature store employees trying to get a rise out of one another. "Passive aggression" is when you show your hostility by what you DON'T do. Like agreeing to do something and just not doing it. Arriving late for something, or being a no-show no-call. Refusing to speak up when something isn't right and just being sullen and pouty. Not sharing a piece of information that is of importance to the other person. Failing to warn someone of impending danger when you notice it and they don't.

It's passivity used in a way that hurts others. Unless I'm missing something in the original post. I've lately seen the term "passive aggressive" being used to describe any negative interaction, which is erroneous.

You're right, perhaps it wasn't exactly P/A, however these same people did so much P/A stuff, it gets hard to differentiate. For example, I ordered some paperwork from head-office. When it arrived (addressed to me) one the above people opened it, then hid it! Then when the manager needed, they miraculously produced it!

Anyway - I'm just trying to gather effective strategies to deal with these scenarios. I no longer work at the above place, in major part because of these 2 poo-poo-heads.

[TriciaJ, RN]

You're right, perhaps it wasn't exactly P/A, however these same people did so much P/A stuff, it gets hard to differentiate. For example, I ordered some paperwork from head-office. When it arrived (addressed to me) one the above people opened it, then hid it! Then when the manager needed, they miraculously produced it!

Anyway - I'm just trying to gather effective strategies to deal with these scenarios. I no longer work at the above place, in major part because of these 2 poo-poo-heads.

Opening your mail requires an action; so does hiding it. So these 2 "activities" do not qualify. If they had agreed to let you know when your mail was delivered, but didn't follow through, then their inaction is passive-aggressive.