Charting Bloopers

As we were reviewing a chart on the Alzheimer's unit - this notation stood out:

"resident very agitated - yelling profound statements" Profane yes - profound no ..I doubt he was yelling "To be or not to be....that is the question...."

I'm dying!! Hahahahaha!!

ER report stated "discussed plan of care with passerby" I hope that was an autocorrect error.

Not so much a blooper, but a very bad order. Nursing free-text order from a PA... "Please remind patient not to drink from his urinal."

You can't make this stuff up. 

"Patient visible"

Inadvertent mashup of "patient alert" and "access visible" 

Admitting diagnosis on patients face sheet: Unstable lady parts.

Should have been Unstable Angina.

Admitting diagnosis on patients face sheet: Unstable lady parts.

Should have been Unstable Angina.

Maybe it was a more clinical term for "****** be Crazy"

More and more on H&P's, even on elderly ladies , we're talking 80's & 90's!

Not currently breastfeeding. Not a blooper. Must actually be part of the docs new charting process!

Pt. intubated, on vent.

Condition fair.

Plan of care discussed with patient, who verbalizes understanding

Many of our doctors use a speech-to-text program for their progress notes.

Many of our doctors are foreign-born, with the accents that come from not speaking English as one's native tongue.

Labetalol is not a word that speech-to-text programs recognize.

"Reduce libido to 200 two times per day."

Four hundred orgasms a day... someone's gonna need a LOT of K-Y!!!!

One of my doctors types really fast as she's verbally explaining the discharge instructions. I can't tell you how many times she's said to "sue nasal spray". I keep telling her legal action is not necessary to relieve congestion!

Went to a new pcp office as a patient. I was asked the typical screening questions, "Do you have any STDs, Hep B, Hep C, etc..." I started "no, but I work in dialysis so I am at a higher risk of exposure." The medical assistant makes her little note on the computer, I didn't think much of of it. I logged into my patient portal later and I see... "Sexually transmitted disease- risk noted- work related".

Has to be the funniest/most mortifying thing I have ever had happen!

Talk to text errors just in one shift's charting:

• Had a bed elevated city for degree.
  
• Patient was asleep when this nurse arrived at the TVs to sleep at this time.
  
• This is a pain anxiety on the respiratory distress.
  
• 100 ml bloody irons
  
• Skidmore to dry
  
  And my favorites:
  
• Adamant discretion dissolved in morphine.
  
• Patient remains Ground Zero tortured.