Can't get it out of my head

[MissJessica,RN]

I'm new to this site and new to nursing (graduated May 2010)....just got a job in LTC....but that's not really what this post is about.

I recently took a CPR recertification class (Wednesday actually). Friday, two days after the class, my cousin falls in the pool. No one sees her but my 9 year old cousin. I turn around when I hear him screaming and find my cousin. She is blue, life-less, and foaming out of the mouth. Now, thankful, I had just recertified! I took over the scene and gave everyone a task. One cycle of CPR and she's vomiting. I turn her of her side and give her hard tap to the back. I literally felt her heart start beating again. I've never been so glad to hear a baby scream. I held her until EMS arrived on the scene.

Now, my question is....how do I get this out of my head? Like, I said I'm a new RN...and situations like are bound to happen again and I fell like I handled it right, but how do I forget about it?

I see her blue and foaming out of the mouth over and over again. Thank God, she's alive...but I can get that darn image out of my head.

Not to mention that everyone needs to talk about it over and over again! Everyone keeps calling me a hero and I just want to forget and move on.

[klone, MSN, RN]

Thank G-d or Whomever that you were there. You saved a child's life. You *are* a hero. I don't think you will be able to get it out of your mind for a long time, if ever. Over time, it will just get easier to deal with, and the memory will become muted.

Take care.

[mamamerlee, LPN]

1. Be proud of what you did - you reacted in the most appropriate manner possible.

2. Of course you don't want to be called a 'hero' because you did something you were trained to do, but other people are entitled to call you one. Smile and say 'thank you'.

3. Startling images stay with us for a long, long time. It will eventually fade, but it may take a long time.

You did an amazing thing, and we are all very proud of you.

Best wishes!

[Neveranurseagain, RN]

I used to work as a paramedic and went on many calls like this that would occasionally roll around in my head. When I noticed this happening, I would allow myself to think about it only at designated times--for a few mins after lunch and dinner. When I thought about it at other times, I would remind myself that it was not the designated time and block them from my mind.

[MaxAttack, BSN, RN]

You are an amazing person and most definitely deserved to be called a hero. If it's bothering you, I would suggest talking to someone in your family and let them know that it's been really rough for you, and you would like for everyone to maybe not mention it for a while. That one person could do the job of spreading it around so you don't know to keep bring it up to every person.

If you're really having problems with it, consider seeing a counselor. They're there for this reason - to help people to deal with their problems.

One thing you could do on your own is called rational restructuring. Instead of thinking about the image and how horrible it was to see your cousin like that, think about the amazing thing you did for your cousin and your family by saving that child's life.

[TDCHIM]

I have problems with terrible images cropping up and grabbing me at times (some of them are a couple of years old, some of them come from a decade or more ago). They come back so strongly I feel almost trapped inside them. It's weird, but I have found that telling myself "It's okay, it isn't happening now. Everything turned out all right. Let it go. Let it go," then taking a deep breath and visualizing myself blowing the memories back where they belong while I exhale really helps me to calm down and climb out of that old moment. It probably sounds silly but it genuinely does work for me.

[Doc Lori, R.N.]

Miss Jessica!!! Firstly, congratulations to you on becoming a nurse! Secondly, talk about divine intervention. You were at the right place, at the right time. I understand ( I think ) how you feel. You are thinking, hey, I am a nurse and this is what I do. It's done, and over with. In your career, you will save many lives. It is rare and fortunate, though to be able to do this for someone with whom you are emotionally attached, such as a baby family member! Your family is simply expressing their gratitude. If it were an EMS member, for example, saving the baby, I doubt he or she would be the recipient of such constant kudos. The fact that it was you makes it all that more meaningful and remarkable to your family, and this is totally understandable as well. Perhaps you can explain to your family that this event does not define who you are, it simply exemplifies what you do.

Again, congratulations, good job, and all the best :)

[Faeriewand, ASN, RN]

This sounds like post-traumatic stress syndrome. I agree with the other poster about finding someone to talk to.

I figure your brain is like a computer. You put stuff in it (and it keeps popping up again and rolling around) so you need to re-program it with something else. Substitute something pleasant. This is how I counsel my children, to watch what they put into their computer brain (negative friends talking, negative images, etc)

You've had a powerful experience with very strong emotion attached to it (pay attention to how you feel) so it is staying with you. This is natural. In time the emotion you feel will be less. I guess right now you would rate it as a 10/10?

Yeah I would seek counsel.

God bless you and keep you. :)

[GHGoonette, BSN, RN]

Eat chocolate-you'll end up looking like a house but at least you'll have happy thoughts....

Seriously though, our tragedies and triumphs remain forever with us. My first involvement in a resuscitation, as a student nurse, was unsuccessful, and the patient died. My LAST resusc was entirely successful, and the patient, a new mother, was eventually discharged completely healthy. Both incidents will remain in my memory forever.

[deiseldawg]

Do not dwell on it. You have to rationalize things out. If you had not been there to see it you would have likely been looking at a body in casket.

Instead of seeing a blue and dying child, get a picture of the girl after the accident and when you think of it look at the pic and say that wouldn't have happened without me.

[Dalzac, LPN, LVN, RN]

that memory will stay with you for ever,sorry. But instead of a blue dying baby think of this, a screaming live baby. If you had done that for my child I would be eternally grateful just like that baby's mother is to you. Sure you were trained to do this,but without you being right there your family would be in mourning. God gave you the brains to know what you know

[Blindsided]

Good going on your part. You did great! You may never forget it. I saw an autopsy once, a coroner's case, and I have never forgotten. This happened in 1982, but it still seems fresh after all these years, just not traumatic to me anymore. I am very proud of you by the way :)