worst death you've seen

The death of my mother.

I have seen many deaths working in Oncology, but hers was really awful.

She had strong lungs and the fluid that was spraying out of her nose, mouth along with that "help me" look in her eye is something I will never forget. As a Nurse I couldnt give enough Lorazepam, or Morphine that would stay in her mouth. The feeling of helplessness was just awful.

My sister and I had our first babies this year and we wish she could be there to see them. I know she is still watching.

Kid deaths are tough; tougher still, for me, though, are deaths of parents of young kids.

Also, watching people suffer because the docs won't let go and continue with painful tests and interventions that do nothing but pad the doc's billing.

Before the death of my niece, I was in the room with a family when their 45 year old mother died of cancer. One of her 19 year old twin sons had left the floor to smoke and the other twin met him in the hallway. They grabbed eachother and fell to the floor sobbing and hugging. I cried. My coworkers cried. It was terrible.

I don't feel the need to share my horror stories, and I'll respect this post in the theme that we all can try to relate to one another in our grief over death, rather than one up each other... which I'm sure the OP never intended.

I just want to send every ounce of energy left in me with hugs and love to my peers that deal with death daily as I do.. it scars us, changes us and sometimes is beautiful and makes us whole. Sometimes it challenges our beliefs, challenges us in our career choices and takes a HUGE tole on our home life. Every death changes me in one way or another, the worst, will change me again tomorrow, unfortunately and yet thankfully.

So to my fellow nurses, with death I wish you all peace in your soul, the ability to practice it all again the next day, and the wisdom to know that we make a difference. This is a deep dark thread, that we rarely share with the closest of us.. and I just wish everyone suffering through a "work day" in death, ..... peace in your soul. Please share your stories, I was troubled at first with this thread, but it has so much to offer.....we come here sometimes because no one at home really understands what we do......and how we suffer loss.

Well said "zookeeper". I will not try to one up anyone else either. I agree that children's deaths have got to be the worst, especially for the parents/grandparents and siblings. As a nurse, it has always been hard to lose loved ones (my sister, mother, friends, in-laws who I loved). You might understand what's going on and try to explain to them...but it's hard on you too! God Bless All! And stay humble.:redbeathe

I think sometimes nurses do need to get this type of thing out. We are human and we have emotions. Most outsiders would not understand, so I think this thread is good for those who have experienced something horrible and just need an outlet.

I have not had to experience much death, though death does not particularly bother me, but the process scares me. Make sense?

Other than LTC as an aide, I have not had anyone die under my care. I did, however, have a patient who died and I will never forget him. He was a tiny baby born premature, but healthy and growing. When he was 3 months old his father decided to smash his skull. He spent a few months in a local children's hospital (Bless the nurses who deal with this daily!!!) and was released home with family. We saw him as primary care. He could not see, he could not swallow, he could not move, he was so contractured and stiff. I was scared to death giving him immunizations, afraid he would choke while trying to cry or start seizing. And can you imagine, not being able to see or move or anything then all of a sudden things are being stuck into you?? Ugh... he stayed at home 2 months I think then was moved to a long term childrens hospital where he passed away shortly after his first birthday. This was one of my first experiences like this and I will never ever forget it.

I've witnessed more deaths than I care to admit. When I was working as a firefighter/ paramedic, I hated the aftermath of major traumas. They were sudden and unexpected to the patients. Their bodies looked like meat scattered about the area - horrible to witness.

As a nurse, I pray never to have another pediatric code.

Absolute worst death I have ever seen still breaks my heart...

The patient was a teenager who hung himself at home and was found by his father - his father was one of our attendings.

His dad cut him down and *panicked*. He got a knife from the kitchen and did an open thoracotomy on their living room floor to try to do direct cardiac massage.

When the medics and cops got there, they just found a dad who had "ripped" open his son's chest... it got sorted out quickly and they came directly to our unit after getting a rhythm back.

Because a kitchen knife is certainly no scalpel, dad nicked some major vessels and the kid bled out. We let the dad run the code on his own son and he was just screaming for more blood and more drugs while his wife and the patients sister watched the code, huddled on the floor *sobbing*.

It was absolutely horrifying.

The death of a young child who choked at school at lunch and died. No one knew Heimlich or CPR. It had been well over half an hour when he came to the ER. I spent one week numb, and cried on and off for weeks later. Such a senseless death. I hate it when children die, and I hate it when I think "They were THIS CLOSE to help but didn't get it."

Also, ANY abuse case that leads to death is horrific. I stepped out of ER/ICU for awhile after seeing a few too many in a row.

Witnessing my mother's death was by and large the worst. But a close second was a soldier that was brought in. He was on leave for the holidays and was the victim of a head on MVA. His family consented to organ donation and I was helping to push the bed from the SICU to the OR while his wife clung to the bed sobbing and screaming. There were at least 40-50 soliders dressed in combat gear walking behind the bed. It was the epitome of heartbreaking. I am getting misty just remembering that day. On a good note, his organs helped to save the lives of 5 people who would have otherwise passed away.

While it was nothing excruciating like some others have seen, I witnessed a woman die of a broken heart in LTC. She and her hubby of 52 years shared a room in the AL wing.He had multiple comorbidities, she had moderate alz. but was still able to care for herself with his prompting.He called her his princess.He went out to dialysis one day, suffered a MI and never returned.We felt it was the families place to discuss his passing with her so we didnt say anything but somehow she knew.That very day she quit eating.quit drinking.she basically became a vegetable shell.3 days later,the family still had not come in to tell her why he hadnt returned,but she never asked, like she knew.On day 4 she gave up and passed peacefully of a broken heart.I hope I have a love like that one day

While it was nothing excruciating like some others have seen, I witnessed a woman die of a broken heart in LTC. She and her hubby of 52 years shared a room in the AL wing.He had multiple comorbidities, she had moderate alz. but was still able to care for herself with his prompting.He called her his princess.He went out to dialysis one day, suffered a MI and never returned.We felt it was the families place to discuss his passing with her so we didnt say anything but somehow she knew.That very day she quit eating.quit drinking.she basically became a vegetable shell.3 days later,the family still had not come in to tell her why he hadnt returned,but she never asked, like she knew.On day 4 she gave up and passed peacefully of a broken heart.I hope I have a love like that one day

That is so sad But warming at the same time, that their love was that strong!