Triage Gems

I hurt my ankle 3 weeks ago.

"I've been really itchy for the past few weeks and I think I have a yeast infection."

-the patient was a tech who worked at the LTC facility associated with my hospital, and she left work to come to the ER.

Patient tripped, fell, broke acrylic nail, d/c home as non-emergent, patient insisted I bandage her up. Me - "here's a bandaid", her - "aren't you going to put it on?"

Patient c/o "not eating very well today, my blood sugar is low", glucose read high-normal, insisted he get admitted because he doesn't have any food at home. Offered to set up with social worker and meals on wheels but wanted a "clean bill of health". That included a resident doing a digital exam!

"Spilled coffee on foot"

Fell down 9 stairs, wanted to know if they were hep c positive.

Pregnancy tests.

Anything that follows the words "oh, by the way...".

Pt came in with complaint of being "too horny" and needed a shot for it. Followed up by "my sister is tired of me masturbating so much". Not sure about those family dynamics, but he came in two nights in a row! Lol

Pt came in with complaint of being "too horny" and needed a shot for it. Followed up by "my sister is tired of me masturbating so much". Not sure about those family dynamics, but he came in two nights in a row! Lol

I'm almost always glad I was an only child... but this just made me ecstatic that I was an only child.

Anything that follows the words "oh, by the way...".

Except when that's the critical part of the complaint. "I'm feeling weaker than normal, and, oh, by the way- I had a total pancreatectomy 3 weeks ago and had a 104 degree fever this morning."

"Leg hurting for 27 years." Patient was 27 years old.

Another lady came in c/o sunburn but just looked "off" and got put in a real room instead of fast track on the triage nurse's gut instinct. Her husband casually mentioned during the assessment that in addition to this darn sunburn, she'd been vomiting blood for the past 24 hours, and sure enough she vomited coffee grounds shortly after that.

He was really angry when we focused on the "vomiting blood" aspect and not the sunburn.

Mosquito bite. Came in by ambulance. Bitten the previous day. Got mad when paramedic asked which bed & I said "lobby". Got madder when I added "she can walk there" as paramedics started to push gurney towards lobby door.

Patient came in describing symptoms of TIA but was back to normal by the time he got to the ER.

"Any medical problems?"

"Nope."

(His wife) "tell her about the heart thing!"

"Oh yes, I have Afib"

"Do you take any blood thinners?"

"No way! My Dr. Wanted me to but I vetoed that idea!!!" (Very proud of himself)

"Why?!"

"Because it's rat poison!! I'm on an all natural blood thinner. "

...yeah... How's that workin out for ya?