Toxic relationship with nursing

This place sounds absolutely evil. I'd like to hope that it's not the norm. 

Get out of there. Post haste.

My advice? Find another job and do it fast. I have always worked in emergencies....first as a paramedic and then as a nurse in the ED. For awhile I loved it....the high acuity and titrating vasopressors and sedation... I loved all the different patient ages....and how strong and amazing our team was at just always making it work even when short staffed and too many patients or too high acuity patients....I love how we could argue and then forgive each other 5 minutes later. I loved the skills and that I felt competent and strong in what I did. Sounds like a dream job, right? Not so much....

What I didn’t like....my personality changed. I became a somewhat quiet, kind person to someone that judged and felt like most patients were mean and hateful. And many of them were! I hated how nurses could be used and abused and no one did a thing....not when patients threw things at us or cursed at us....especially during times that there was NOTHING we could do to make things any better....we couldn’t help that we had hold patients or were denied EMS diversion or had sentinel events because we were denied diversion and were terribly short staffed. I didn’t like how in general we were unsupported by administration, management, charge nurses, etc. Sometimes all I wanted was 5 minutes to run to the bathroom or grab a granola bar....and I couldn’t even get those basic needs met. I was so angry when I transported a patient upstairs only to find myself with 2 new patients....one in a-fib with RVR not on the monitor or all 4 or 5 (at minimum for patient to nurse ratio) call bells going off and the charge nurse or tech wouldn’t do either task.....or a practically comatose diabetic in DKA by herself in a room with nothing done. Or when I had hold patients that declined rapidly and no one wanted to take responsibility but me.....not the ER physician or hospitalist or intensivist and I was BEGGING for help....I went to nursing school....not medical school. I was bitter and frustrated and angry at everyone. I hated how I would sometimes pull over 50 hours a week by picking up extra shifts or learn every new skill possible, yet the moment that I needed some help and was unable to pull all those extra hours, management acted annoyed that I couldn’t continue to pull those hours.

Now I am in surgical nursing.....and I have never looked back. I thought I would miss the skills and critical thinking and team and many other things. I don’t miss any of it. I feel like myself again. I am kind to people and actually feel for my patients and take time to truly get to know my coworkers and learn about their lives. I am happy with myself and am at peace with myself. Don’t let anyone tell you the grass isn’t greener because actually it very well can be! 

2 minutes ago, Jedrnurse said:

This place sounds absolutely evil. I'd like to hope that it's not the norm. 

Get out of there. Post haste.

It’s not. Many many ERs are like this. Some ARE better but many are not.

29 minutes ago, speedynurse said:

My advice? Find another job and do it fast. I have always worked in emergencies....first as a paramedic and then as a nurse in the ED. For awhile I loved it....the high acuity and titrating vasopressors and sedation... I loved all the different patient ages....and how strong and amazing our team was at just always making it work even when short staffed and too many patients or too high acuity patients....I love how we could argue and then forgive each other 5 minutes later. I loved the skills and that I felt competent and strong in what I did. Sounds like a dream job, right? Not so much....

What I didn’t like....my personality changed. I became a somewhat quiet, kind person to someone that judged and felt like most patients were mean and hateful. And many of them were! I hated how nurses could be used and abused and no one did a thing....not when patients threw things at us or cursed at us....especially during times that there was NOTHING we could do to make things any better....we couldn’t help that we had hold patients or were denied EMS diversion or had sentinel events because we were denied diversion and were terribly short staffed. I didn’t like how in general we were unsupported by administration, management, charge nurses, etc. Sometimes all I wanted was 5 minutes to run to the bathroom or grab a granola bar....and I couldn’t even get those basic needs met. I was so angry when I transported a patient upstairs only to find myself with 2 new patients....one in a-fib with RVR not on the monitor or all 4 or 5 (at minimum for patient to nurse ratio) call bells going off and the charge nurse or tech wouldn’t do either task.....or a practically comatose diabetic in DKA by herself in a room with nothing done. Or when I had hold patients that declined rapidly and no one wanted to take responsibility but me.....not the ER physician or hospitalist or intensivist and I was BEGGING for help....I went to nursing school....not medical school. I was bitter and frustrated and angry at everyone. I hated how I would sometimes pull over 50 hours a week by picking up extra shifts or learn every new skill possible, yet the moment that I needed some help and was unable to pull all those extra hours, management acted annoyed that I couldn’t continue to pull those hours.

 

Now I am in surgical nursing.....and I have never looked back. I thought I would miss the skills and critical thinking and team and many other things. I don’t miss any of it. I feel like myself again. I am kind to people and actually feel for my patients and take time to truly get to know my coworkers and learn about their lives. I am happy with myself and am at peace with myself. Don’t let anyone tell you the grass isn’t greener because actually it very well can be! 

It’s not. Many many ERs are like this. Some ARE better but many are not.

THIS!  I literally almost came to tears reading this because its so spot on!  I just hate it because I love the ER so much.  I feel like I could never go back to just bedside, because like you said, the excitement.    The one thing I am thankful for are our group of providers.  Our docs, PA's, and NP's are all so amazing.  There are just a small handful who do not listen to us.  This is my only ED job, but I've been told by much older and wiser ER nurses that I will never ever in my life work with a better group, and I believe that. 

I totally get it.....I absolutely understand. I never thought I would do anything other than ED nursing but honestly, my life is SO much better in pre-op/PACU. It’s a huge culture shock but a good one. There are many good teams and you are just trading one skill set for another with another nursing speciality. The peace I have with myself is completely worth the change.

I've always believed ER nursing sounded like pure hell due to how the patients treat the staff. I don't know how you guys do it without becoming bitter towards society.

17 hours ago, TheMoonisMyLantern said:

I've always believed ER nursing sounded like pure hell due to how the patients treat the staff. I don't know how you guys do it without becoming bitter towards society.

After a long time, I did become bitter and I hated that change in me. I was afraid my personality would never be the same. However, once I switched to a different speciality where I was appreciated and most patients were quite wonderful, I became myself again. I have never looked back.

being a hospital RN is not worth it...Upper management does not get it and does not care, nurses are dispensable and overworked, and most importantly not truly respected sadly.

If you really feel like you are DONE and don’t want to be there anymore: Look into outpatient nursing. I work in an FQHC. It has its frustrations for sure (I was threatening to quit last week!) but it’s just a totally totally different set of problems. For one thing, it is slow paced. I’ve never missed lunch and almost never work late— because the work can always wait until tomorrow. Patients come for their visits and then they LEAVE.  It’s just an entirely different way of nursing, and it works for me. I still use my brain a lot (telephone triage, for one thing) but I’m not exhausted. 

That's dreadful.  

During the downturn that we had after our surge, our facility stockpiled PPE and we are to use a new N95 every day.  Apparently they say we have a 45 day supply, but are asking us not to be wasteful either as we are having another surge.

Covid has always been considered an illness here treated like any other if the staff catches it since we can't prove it's a work related illness.  But certainly we aren't treated like it's our fault and we are punished.   

Thankfully I don't work in the ER and on the floor where the patient's covid status is known.  We know have visitors and they have to agree to wear a mask at all times before they are allowed up and it's not been an issue for us.

Your post and everything about it is dreadful and I'm so sorry.  

(((Stella)))

I became bitter and angry all the time in the ER.  So judgmental too.  I needed to get away from it and took a full time non-ER job and only did ER a few shifts a month.  I think I'm a better ER nurse when I'm not doing it all the time.