Student not comfortable with me.

Published

I heard from a parent today that her daughter has told her multiple times she doesn't feel comfortable approaching me. This student was a frequent flier a few years ago and I just assumed she grew out of it and that's why she hasn't been in as much.

It made me sad to hear that. :(

I called the student in (because she had called home saying she didn't feel well) and asked her about it during my assessment, and she just said she doesn't want to see me unless it's something major and she usually calls mom because mom told her to.

But I'm still sad. I have a few students who come up and give me hugs and when I'm in the classroom, the students tell me they don't behave as well because I'm so nice (which is another issue altogether) so I know not all the kids feel this way. Just needed to share with someone.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics, Community Health, School Health.

I'd be bummed too. How is she able to call her mother directly without going through you? I know my own kids have to turn phones OFF during school hours, so any call home comes from the nurse or admin.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I'd be bummed too. How is she able to call her mother directly without going through you? I know my own kids have to turn phones OFF during school hours, so any call home comes from the nurse or admin.

We have the same rule, but it's hard to enforce 100%. We also have a school phone that the kids are allowed to use to call home if they forgot their homework or instrument, etc.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I have had the attendance secretary tell me someone left the building, picked up by a parent due to not feeling well. Were they in to see me? NO. I can only do so much...

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

So I am a little surprised by mom's call to you. Did mom give you a reason why the student was not comfortable with you? I have had students decide to take it upon themselves to bypass me and just call home, usually because they assume i'll disagree with their statement of "I need to call my mom and go home" or tell them that i need to at least assess them first and they don't like hearing that. They may not like that, but that hasn't made a student uncomfortable with me. If the student just assumes that you are not going to take her complaints seriously because of her past history of malingering, then that tells me that she is probably calling mom to go home for things that you wouldn't send her home for and that mom is seeking some sort of validation for picking her up every time.

As far as I'm concerned, my students come in to me with a clean slate every school year. I may keep in mind past history, but it's not held against them.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Pediatrics Retired.
I heard from a parent today that her daughter has told her multiple times she doesn't feel comfortable approaching me.

I, quite frankly, don't believe this is truthful. There are dynamics going on that aren't being shared with you; I guarantee it. Don't worry about it.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in IMC, school nursing.

^^This^^ from OD. The parent probably got tired of the calls when she was a FF and told her to go only in case of emergency, so she doesn't come out of fear of discipline from mom, not you. We are small and I have a good rapport with the parents. I alert them of their child's FF status, mostly because I don't want a crying wolf scenario. I realize in bigger settings this can't happen.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Short Term/Skilled.

Is it because she doesn't get the response she's looking for? I wouldn't let it bother you, although I know that's easier said than done.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

Thank you, all, for your encouraging words! I let it go at the end of the day.

Is it because she doesn't get the response she's looking for? I wouldn't let it bother you, although I know that's easier said than done.

Maybe. Per mom, student's words were "why should I go to the nurse, what is she going to do for me" ... oh well.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in school nursing, ortho, trauma.

actually, i get that from my frequent fliers from time to time. And my response is that my powers are limited for vague complaints. We unfortunately can't do a lot for headaches, and stomach aches, which are usually vague complaints and by products of something else. In my experience it's usually the stress of the day, anxiety, or a symptom of post nasal drip. When it comes to headcolds, allergies and the parade of sore throats we see each day, again - other than suggesting fluids and handwashing there is not too much that we can offer.

There really isn't a solution to make everyone happy, so i just do what works for me. I stick by the standards that i've always stuck to for excusal to school. Yes, the frequent fliers will continue to whine that i continue to do nothing about their colds and sour stomachs. and yes, I'll continue to think about how fast they will blow through their sick time when they get their first full time job.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
I, quite frankly, don't believe this is truthful. There are dynamics going on that aren't being shared with you; I guarantee it. Don't worry about it.

Agree.

I once had a mom write me a soliloquy about how scary I was. Meanwhile, the kid had no problem.

Sometimes it is the way Mom keeps control.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion